Husband not been paying tax for years

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I'm so worried and scared. Over a year ago two debt collectors came to our door and handed me a letter addressed to my husband. I opened it and it said we owed approx £500k to the taxman. I nearly collapsed.

When my husband came home I confronted him and he basically broke down saying he hadn't been paying tax on his Ltd company for about 5 years. He'd liquidised his company without my knowledge and taken me off as Company Secretary presumably so I wouldn't find out and to extricate me from any financial liability. We had to get a tax lawyer to negotiate on our behalf with the debt collectors and after many months of wrangling, my husband told me it was £64k we owed which we could put our savings towards and also set up a direct debit and pay the rest monthly.

Fast forward a year, I had two debt collectors standing at my front door. It turns out my husband has been lying about the amount owed...it's in actual fact £150k. I'm horrified, my heart's racing as I'm writing this. He told me over the phone he'd used £30k of our son's trust fund money towards it. He told me he's incapable of saying no to me (?!) and he knows he's got emotional problems.

I don't understand any of this...I'm in my 50s, yes, I like nice things (who doesn't) but never overspent in terms of the money that's in our account and was surplus after all bills are paid. He didn't come home last night, he's too ashamed and embarrassed and keeps telling me he's no good and I deserve better. I've been with this man for over 30 years and can't imagine life without him, although I massively resent him at this point.

I found out he'd taken his watch (a present for his 50th) to a pawnbroker to get a £1,500 per loan against the watch. He said it was to pay off the rest owed to the tax lawyer. I asked (shouted) why the hell did he not come to me as I'd managed to put some money aside. Again, he was too embarrassed and said he just wanted it sorted and out the way. I ended up giving him over £2k to get the watch back.

I'm worried sick. How on earth do I deal with this without knowing whether he's lying or not? I don't have access to his business account because I'm not company secretary. I have access to everything else (I think?).

I'm mostly disgusted at my son's trust fund. He's 21, and it was meant to be for a down payment on a flat at some point. Now there's nothing. My son's now aware of this and thinks I should leave his dad as he can't be trusted. What do you think? Any advice would be extremely welcome.

Get decent legal advice right now. Do you have family that can help financially with that? Paying for some legal advice and getting the ball rolling on the divorce and separation of finances asap as this may save you thousands in the long run.

good luck and sorry you are going through this xxx

Only in the absence of fraud. If HMRC (and creditors) can show fraudulent activity, then being Ltd. is no shield.

Thanks for all your replies people. I'm sorry I'm not particularly technical and don't know how to reply to an individual post...I sound like a right eejit. I don't think he's got an addiction, always with me apart from two nights a month in Aberdeen for a client meeting. I definitely don't think he's got another woman, doubt his nerves could take it. I phoned him this morning and he said he'll be back around 6pm. He's got to keep his head for work. I used to work but gave up my job to live in the Middle East when our son was a baby. Apart from having a part time job when our son started school (temporary position) I haven't worked and been a stay at home mum. I know I've been very fortunate in that respect. I've always known that. My husband (as much as he sounds a horror and clearly he's a liar) has and is always so helpful and definitely not lazy. We've had a very traditional marriage, he works and I do everything else, cooking, cleaning etc. I've tried applying for jobs but because I've not worked for so long and perhaps due to my age, I'm not sure I'm employable. I never get an interview. Employers seem to want current experience....

Yes, I'm worried sick about my husband's mental health. He said if was dead I'd get half a million but I don't want him to kill himself. I don't think he would. He's told me he'll do everything in his power to rectify this which probably means working abroad where the rates are higher. I'd never see him and be stuck in this house which isn't a marriage. He's been sleeping in the spare bedroom (mostly due to his snoring) but our relationship isn't physical and hasn't been for a few years. I think a lot of that's to do with all the lies and stress he's under which has smashed his libido.

If he paid himself more money than there were profits then there may well be an outstanding Directors Loan so HE owes the company money and HMRC/Insolvency can come after him personally for this. Also if there is mismanagement having a LTD Company does not absolve Directors of all Liability

Absolutely this. What a complete lying, manipulative bastard your husband is. I'm so often shocked by what I read here. This is next level.

Get the fuck out of there for your own mental health and future in general.

Obviously you cannot trust your husband at all. His first priority should be to replace the money he's stolen from your son.

But, by your own admission you live a pampered lifestyle and you don't work. Is there something preventing you from going out and getting a job? You cannot rely on your H, that's the reality. You have a choice of being very, very poor for the rest of your life or taking control and earning your own money.

Especially asvthis seems to be going on for so long. Payment plans usually have to be set up at the end of the tax period, not 2 or 3 years later.

Anyone that spent my child's future fund would be dead to me. You need to protect yourself and your son. He'll never change. He's already lied about far too much, you can't trust him.
Extricate yourself as best you can and try to move on with your life, it won't be easy but you can't keep on trying to have a joint life with this man 😔 you and your son deserve better.

👏

The thought of being on my own terrifies me. I also doubt i could trust another man....

Stealing your sons trust fund should have been your wake up call.
Get some legal advice, pronto.
You cannot trust this man.

You defo need proper legal advice.

It all sounds a bit odd -

a. That HMRC would just drop a big part of the original debt
b. That he’s liquidated the company but its debts have some how been transferred to him personally

I would also be worried that’s it’s about more than just a debt. Your husband could be prosecuted for various offences relating to the company if it’s found, for example, that he took money out of the company knowing it owed money to HMRC and then liquidated it, or even that he didn’t keep proper records.

Not to scare you but you need to know the full facts here.

Sell the house. Get the 300k equity. Use some of the equity to repay your son what has been stolen from him.

Pay the tax bill directly. Get the solicitor dealing with the house sale to do it (I’m sure both you and your husband would need to consent) or you do it. The last thing you want is your husband to receive money from the sale and still not pay the bill as liabilities as well as assets will be considered in a divorce.

Then if your figures are correct you will have around 100k left as a couple. You could put it towards something small with a small mortgage if you are able to get one between you or use it to offer some rent up front to secure a rental - with or without your husband.

I hope your husband no longer works for himself and is now PAYE.
You need to look for a job.

This must be a massive shock but you can sort it. You need to consider what happened and whether you still want to be with your husband or not.

I want to scream. Similar happened to my parents, nothing happened to the “businessman”. Disgusting behaviour.

Oh crikey, you need the truth of how bad this is first and then a financial advisor. If it’s a limited company and you are not named on there but are his wife, im guessing you are still liable? You might need some legal advice here. Really worrying for you op. One things for sure, once this is all sorted, you need to divorce. You cannot trust him going forwards.

Doesn't it terrify you to stay with a man who lies and defrauds (by that I mean not paying tax for years) at will? Because I would hate that.

Unfortunately your are right. Seems funny that they have so much debt, but not much mortgage to as the house equity would have been a good way of sorting this. She needs to see a lawyer ASAP and be prepared for a few more shocks I think. Hope I'm wrong though.

It sounds like the two if you have been living some kind of fantasy life where he is the Big I Am and boasts about how his wife doesn't need to work, has watches worth several thousand, and a hefty trust fund for the son....and it was a house of cards.

I feel differently in that your son should never have had 30 or 40k in a trust fund if your family couldn't afford it. Obviously paying taxes should have been prioritised over the illusion of being this wealthy.

If you do want to work (and I think you should), you should probably start by volunteering in a charity shop so you can put something on your CV. I think you should sell the watch, and any other signs of wealth that you simply can't afford (what cars do you drive, for example?) and accept that your lifestyle has been achieved by fraud.

Whether you divorce DH or not - you will have to get used to a much more modest lifestyle.

You should be more terrified of staying with a man who has lied and stolen

The thought of being with such a dishonest liar surely must be worse than the thought of being single??

Is your name even on the house?

Leave him - extricate yourself. He needs to apply for bankruptcy really and start again.

The lying and manipulation keeps continuing. Can you really stay with a man who you can probably never trust again?

Don't you think he was part of a fantasy that they both concocted? She has no need to work, he is the provider? I can see how that puts immense pressure on him. Which does not defend resorting to tax fraud to maintain the illusion of course.

I’d be going to a specialist lawyer in these kinds of situations to see if you’d be liable for anything. Then I’d leave him asap. You can find love again if you want to, I absolutely promise. He’s ruined your sons future and that would be unforgivable for me.