To make a cheeky comment to my friend about this?!

[feedmefudge]

Last night I hosted drinks and nibbles for a couple of friends; one of whom we haven’t seen in over a decade. I bought wine and nice wee snacks for us.
The local friend I see more regularly brought a box of posh crackers. Looking at the box, I could see that they are 6 months out of date. Not only that, but the date was covered with a weird sticky stuff that was murder to remove from my kitchen surface. Clearly the box had come from the deepest corner of her kitchen cupboard!
Wealthy friend, money no object. And to be honest, it grates a bit.
I’m tempted to make a light-hearted comment which shows that it hasn’t gone unnoticed.
A bit passive-aggressive maybe, but AIBU? And any funny suggestions of what it could be?!

No, it's more like if she texts asking for a lift, I wouldn't see the text until she has been home (in a Uber) four hours. That sort of thing.

Karma if you will.

I wouldn't say anything in the circumstances. That would be poor form. I did however take great pleasure in mentioning, in a jokey way, that we had had to pay excess postage on a Christmas card we received from my husband's friend, who is the world's biggest piss taker. He didn't like it at all.

I think we know the reason one of your friends only sees you every ten years.

And I did in the past buy some fancy biscuits in an expensive shop (with other nice bits and pieces for Christmas) and when I went to use them they had been way out of date when I bought them, they had gone a bit soft, very annoying and it would have been mortifying if I had unwittingly taken them to a friends party.

Is your friendship not worth more than material things though? I wouldn’t raise this as I wouldn’t want to embarrass her. I’d have just left them discreetly to one side and then binned them after everyone had gone. There could be a million reasons behind this but I wouldn’t see it as a big enough issue to risk causing offence to a friend.

Agreed. Picky bits especially drives me absolutely mad!

OP, this wouldn’t have bothered me at all - maybe she was busy, distracted, just didn’t realise etc etc etc. If a friend is repeatedly low effort over time then I might see it differently - e.g. is she flaky, does she try to get out of paying her share etc? Otherwise, it’s just a box of crackers.

If it bothers you, however, just talk to her about it directly. Don’t make a snide comment - that’s not nice and may make her feel rubbish. Passive aggressiveness is tempting but it usually just shows that the person is really quite bothered by something and either isn’t confident enough that they’re right to discuss it directly, or lacks the security in themselves to do so.

Something like - “I noticed you brought out of date crackers the other day. It bothered me a bit because I felt like you hadn’t made an effort.”

Then see what she says.

She should have kept the crackers and binned you.

Reading threads like this remind me there are some truly batshit people among us.

This was my thought too. And also how I wish the biggest “offence” I felt to have come my way recently was a well meaning gesture from someone over a box of bloody crackers.

How materialistic and unkind to want to shame someone over this absolute non-issue.

But there is something going on here otherwise you wouldn’t care. So if my friend did this I’d not care enough to want to make a shitty comment to score points as I actually like her and wouldn’t want her to feel bad. What is it about her that is the real issue, perhaps that’s what you need to think about. Or what is it about your background- have you been on the receiving end of tightness?

God. Just put them in the bin and move on.

You don’t actually like this person, do you op? Why are you continuing the friendship?

If a friend did this to me, I’d briefly think that perhaps she didn’t realise they were out of date and give it precisely no more thought.

I think the moment has long passed. If she was a good friend (as you suggest), I'd have made a joke of it at the time, but I'd not bring it up now, no. I'd certainly not be offended, chances are she had no idea they were out of date (maybe they had been sitting in her cupbaord, but the dates are usually so far in advance when you buy them..)

This a million per cent, it’s not what she’s done op it’s what that has (sorry for this word) triggered in you feelings wise.

Don't be pass agg. That's just an attempt to create plausible deniability so you can pretend you didn't do anything if she turns it into an honest discussion and you shit yourself.

Honest discussion or nothing. If she's a good friend and you had a nice time, I'd just leave it.

Things like that I rarely if at all look at the date probably left over from Christmas

sorry but your just coming across as not very nice

With very bizarre understandings of the concept of “karma”.

I suggest you drop the Crackers at here doorstep.

If something like this bothers you, do you even like her? If I made the same mistake and my friend pulled me up on it, even ‘jokingly’, I would consider them petty and judgemental and realise that this wasn't a friendship that I care about or wish to keep.

You dont sound like an especially nice friend tbh. What will embarrassing her achieve?, other than momentarily giving you some sense of superiority.

There are many reasons why she may have brought the box of crackers over. Most have which have been mentioned.
If youre willing to tarnish a friendship over some biscuits......

Dont be a dick. There's more to worry about in life

I wouldn’t say anything but buy a box of crackers now and let them expire and then take them round when she invites you.

I really wouldn’t bother.
I feel like if you were that arsed, a jokey comment in the moment is passable, like there and then when you first noticed the date, but to go out of your way to do it afterwards is just petty. And will cause more drama as you’re making a proper “thing” of it, and it just feels a bit nasty. What would you hope to achieve? To embarrass her? You don’t sound like a great friend.

I’m not good at passive-aggressive comments, so I can’t help you there. But I’d be offended if someone brought out-of-date food to a gathering — I think it’s rude and shows a lack of care and attention, not to mention that it’s disgusting. It could even be dangerous to people’s health. They know that food has been sitting at home for ages, don’t they? At the very least, I wouldn’t say anything, but my admiration for that person would drop considerably.

Who could be arsed?