To make a cheeky comment to my friend about this?!

[feedmefudge]

Last night I hosted drinks and nibbles for a couple of friends; one of whom we haven’t seen in over a decade. I bought wine and nice wee snacks for us.
The local friend I see more regularly brought a box of posh crackers. Looking at the box, I could see that they are 6 months out of date. Not only that, but the date was covered with a weird sticky stuff that was murder to remove from my kitchen surface. Clearly the box had come from the deepest corner of her kitchen cupboard!
Wealthy friend, money no object. And to be honest, it grates a bit.
I’m tempted to make a light-hearted comment which shows that it hasn’t gone unnoticed.
A bit passive-aggressive maybe, but AIBU? And any funny suggestions of what it could be?!

bloody hell, first world problems??

She may not have checked the date.

Even more annoying than a passive aggressive dig is someone who posts on MN about wanting to make a passive aggressive dig.

Address it properly or move on like a grown up.

You're right, I think. Only on Mumsnet would this be something people would consider bringing up.

Hang on OP - you were the one who said she had loads of money! Why mention it if you’re not bothered?

Though I think virtually all commenters on the thread have said it would be insanely petty, and asked what the OP’s intention would be if she did.

I think you are not being unreasonable. I think she was lazy and tight!

I’ve noticed a bit of a trend with this.

For my parents’ golden wedding party I noticed a lot of their presents were regifted.

Same for my birthday each year.

I think it’s laziness and tightness.

Go through your cupboards and look for something more out of date than the crackers. Save it and give it to her when she returns your invitation, or failing that, for a birthday or Christmas gift. If you don’t have anything out of date, trawl the supermarkets for something short date and keep it in store. You’ll have to wait at least seven months to give it to her - you want to be sure it’s more out of date than the crackers - but it will be worth the wait because YOU WILL HAVE WON.

Just be direct. How about:

"I noticed you're rich but brought out of date food over. I have less money than you but I bought shiny new things and so now you need to acknowledge that while I feel inferior to you most of the time, I'm actually grateful you failed because it makes me feel better about myself."

Feel free to change if I've missed anything?

I don't think I would have even checked the date unless they tasted stale. If they had I'm certain you'd have mentioned it. If it were something that could do someone some harm then maybe, but crackers are no issue at all.

I'd just roll my eyes internally and move on.

You wouldn’t be a good friend to make passive aggressive comments about this. They could have countless other things going on in their life.

I think we could all chill a bit with gift giving. Lots of people's homes are awash with crap they didnt buy and don't need. It's so wasteful and so bad for the environment.

A natural reaction to hyper over production of tat is to try and move it along or find it a new home.

🤣🤣

This is why I give and would much rather receive consumables - a massage/cinema/coffee voucher…; a nice bottle of wine/gin etc even a basic box of chocs as long as they’re in date…

that word nibbles is so irritating, similar to picky bits. Was it a tea party for the borrowers or bunny rabbits?

To be honest, it might not be her being tight. Could have been a busy day and just as she was about to leave she thought "oh fuck i need to bring something " and just grabbed what she could.

Disagree. I don’t see the problem. Maybe she’d been saving them for a 'special' occasion. Presumably she didn’t realise they were out of date and in any case you haven't said they were inedible, so it really doesn’t seem like a big deal to me. It wasn’t a deliberate insult and if you humiliate her by talking about it your friendship will never recover.

What would you be hoping to achieve by this? Making her feel humiliated?

While I probably wouldn't say anything, it would annoy me too. All these holier than thou comments about 'I value my friends more than a box of crackers' miss the point.

Who even looks at the dates on a box of crackers, let alone spends time getting sticky stuff off to check?

I think you are the one with the problem.

Passive aggressive comments are shitty and say everything about you and nothing about the person they’re directed towards. If you do want to make a comment just straight out say, ‘Hey Sandra, those biscuits you brought last night were 6 months out of date’, but really would you? Do you want her to transfer you £1.50? Im not clear why you would want to shame her.

There could be loads of reasons:

• She was running late and just grabbed the first thing she could find in her cupboard
• Shes not as well off as you think she is
• She’s in a financially abusive relationship
• She’s has anxiety and couldn’t force herself to go to the shops.
• Any/some/all of these

Regardless, in the grand scheme of things, does it really matter? Did you have a nice time with her? That’s what’s important. Crackers would neither have added or detracted from the occasion.

*Edited for typos

Or maybe more people are concerned about sustainability and avoiding waste.

I’d have a giggle about it with DP but wouldn’t dream of saying anything to my friend, why would you want to make her feel bad or small? Most probably she thought she’d take a nice box she’d been saving from the back of her cupboard. We had a party once, DF brought a lovely bottle of posh gin and a packet of rich tea biscuits, completely random but I wouldn’t dream of asking why or making a comment about it (I’m assuming it’s a thing somewhere but I have no idea what it is).

I think you should post a pic of the BBE date on Facebook and publicly shame her. We can't let people get away with this stuff.
Or
Bin the crackers, forget about it and continue to have a good friendship.
Choice is yours.

Nibbles are ridiculous anyway.

Maybe but I’d say it’s to move on crap they don’t want.

I’d rather just a card - or nothing if I’m honest. A hug 😁