Is this ignorance or just 2025?

[Andonemorething25]

We live in a posh bit of the SE . He’s been to a top 10 Uni. It’s not an Exeter/ Durham type place though and he’s nerdy not sporty.

He’s been invited to a black tie event. I asked him if he had a DJ and he didn’t know what that was. He thought it just meant wear a black tie.
Turns out he has never worn a dinner jacket or been to a posh do.
As a rural child of the 80’s it was just something that happened at the end of every year.. , Young Farmers, Secondary School, College, Rugby, Uni. Grew up with James Bond etc
Is he just actually a bit odd or is it not a thing anymore?

What's a grad season? The time when people are graduating? Surely that only happens once for most people and it has no relation to black tie.

i am a professor at a RG uni... i have no clue either, and that does not make me feel particularly inadequate.

I think it’s more ignorant of you to be judging him for not knowing rather than him being ignorant for not knowing.

It very much depends on your background whether you would know this. I was brought up in a working class area of a northern town and went to Manchester University. I worked out that DJ referred to dinner jacket as opposed to disk jockey but I had to google what exactly a DJ or black tie is. I don’t think my husband ever wore one in his life. Call it ignorance if you like but it’s not just 2025. Consider whether you have a tendency to be a snob.

I’m 72 and have gone to many black tie events since I was in my early twenties. I came from what would have been called a lower middle class family. My dad would hire a dinner suit for his annual work dinner dance. However as a student we had two or three black tie events every year and many of the boys had their own suits often handed down from other family members. One famously wore his grandfathers suit and continues to do so, proud that he can still fit in it.

we still love a black tie event using almost any excuse - new year, posh birthday party, club dinners etc to get dressed up. We find some if the younger crowd might wear a lounge suit instead. Encourage him to dress up, hire a suit, it’ll do wonders for his confidence.

Probably because you didn’t talk to him about different dress codes when the opportunity arises, for instance prom etc.

@Panicmode1 totally agree that people are less formal nowadays. Suits and ties went out sometime ago in the office for the majority of people sometime ago and things have got less formal over the last 5 years.

We are in our fifties and have always said ‘DJ’ for dinner jacket. Met at uni in London in the nineties and knew the phrase from then..

Never been to a black tie event in my life. We didn't have balls we had discos so there was only ever 1 DJ present.. I would find it hard to know what to wear myself. I am a short ass so anything mid calf on most people is floor length on me. I do remember at on point a friend having to wear a cocktail dress for her work Christmas outfit and we had absolutely no idea what it was.

@DappledThings in the village my trio grew up in; the grads all went to one spot for photos the whole village would go watch. Girls in ballgowns and Boys in rented formal wear,
From suits to Tux’s and kilts.
An easy opportunity to discuss all things formal fashion;

Grads from what? From school? I've only ever heard that term in the US. Is it used elsewhere for people leaving school? Or is your village next to a university?

We had a year 11 prom in 1995. It was seen as quite unusual then and rather pretentious. Which it was. I don't remember what the boys wore. Maybe black tie. Can't imagine many of them went on to wear it again any time soon if at all. 2 years later at the end of the 6th form at a different school it was much more low-key.

I do know what it means for a bloke but not sure what I'd be expected to wear as a woman ( I'd be TOTALLY out of my comfort zone).
Me.and hubby met at uni, teachers, been married 27yrs , he is now a HT and we've NEVER been to a black tie event and I dont know many who have, It's just not the circles we are in.
I dobt think many 22yr olds would know.

I was mid fifties before I had to attend a black tie event and I was pretty clueless

think it’s a class thing

Agreed - I wouldn't have any angst about dressing for a black tie event (not that I've been to any for some time), but have stressed inordinately about what appropriate office wear for my new job should be 🤣. When I first qualified, suits (and 5 days in the office) were mandatory....returning to a professional role after a 15 yr career break is eye opening.

It's not him that's being odd!

@sweeneytoddsrazor I don't know what makes a dress a "cocktail dress" either.

That’s nothing. My friends 21 year old acquaintance thought the Gov just pays your bills when yo are unemployed.As in you literally send them your bills…

I'm in my 40s and don't know what black tie means for men or women.

(Also, whatever the event, I would not be attending, I only wear comfortable clothes and a forced dress code wouldn't be enjoyable for me)

This is going to sound so pretentious... I've been to dozens of balls. And black tie dinners...

A mixture of University, being a musician at University (Sheffield, so not posh posh!), plus dating and marrying an Army officer.

Its a bit sad but Covid seems to have killed off the old tradition of numerous dinners and balls in Mess life. They were sometimes as dull as ditchwater(such as when speeches were still going on at Midnight) and other times a fantastic laugh.

A dinner jacket (or tux) basically has shiny lapels. Thers often a shinny seem on the trousers. Dress shirts are just a fancier material. Often something like a cummerbund. Then a bow tie (but not always).

Ladies is a long glam dress, varying between knee and ankle depending on event. Shoulders might need to be covered. Nice shoes. Suits or jumpsuits might be suitable

My 12yo knows how to dress formally due Rugby Presentation evenings

I’m pushing 40 and never been to a black tie event before. But I’m a frightful povvo tbf. I was confused by the OP as I wondering why “he” was expected to organise his own DJ for an event he’s been invited to. Thought you meant the type of DJ that plays music. But like I said, frightful povvo.

frightful povvo
this could be a fabulous username!

It never would've occured to me in a lifetime that DJ was an abbreviation for dinner jacket! A whole other world.

What a strange and kind of pointless thread. I know it’s all nice chatting and discussing, having opinions and things but I genuinely can’t really see any point to this apart from the OP pointing out ‘posh’ stuff.

My office dos in the 2000s tended to be black tie, although not necessarily full length for women. But they've tailed off since then, in the same way I'm typing this wearing jeans. Wouldn't have been in 2005. I think my first black tie do was sixth form, and then we had the odd ball at university (old university, not particularly posh)

I agree. The phrasing is strange and you've expressed your point in a rather peculiar fashion, OP.