Old-ish man on the route to the Co-op who keeps saying hello

[RogueFemale]

I moved house last week and already have noticed this man. He lives on the short (7m) walking route to the local Co-Op. He's maybe mid 60s, tall, heavy build. He is always standing outside his front door, and he loudly says hello every time I go past. I ignore him.

I'm 60 and am used to being invisible.

So it's not a leering hello. I also thought maybe it was accidental he was standing outside before, or something, and just a cheery 'local' hello.

But I went past twice today (to Co-Op) and he was there both times, hello-ing, and I'm finding it quite weird, that he's always standing outside his front door.

I'm going to be going to the local Co-Op a lot, so what do I do?

AIBU to continue to ignore him and just doggedly go past for years pretending he's not there?

Ah apologies, so I have. Sorry!

The OP is a long time poster I don’t think she’s a man.

😂😂😂

Priceless!

I don’t think the man is the mentally ill one here...

That man is probably down the Coop,talking about how the woman who has just moved in is rude as not saying "hello".

I do. Just down the road from me is an elderly gentleman who stands outside leaning on his wall watching the world go by. I go past at different times on different days and he’s always there, so I presume he’s out every day. I used to nod at him as I went past, then I started saying hello and then I would stop and ask him how his day was etc. Lovely chap.

I’ve just realised I’ve not seen him out the last couple of months - he’s been doing this for years… I hope he’s ok.

Have you met any of your neighbours yet?
I am sure he is well known if he's there all the time. Someone will surely know something about him.
Alternatively if you are concerned that he is unwell then you could call adult social care.
It doesn't sound like he's an actual threat to you, though your feelings of discomfort are of course valid.

Ok, my fault for not wording my post precisely enough. Substitute ‘we all’ with ‘most people’…
I would say that it’s an undeniable human trait to interpret certain interactions through the lens of previous experience, rather than on the basis of observable fact. All the more so, if the experience has been negative. ‘Once bitten, twice shy’, as the saying goes.

I admit I hadn't RTWT so sorry if someone's already asked...

Are you friendly with any other neighbours who you could ask about his background?

I say hello to pretty much everyone when I’m out walking! I smile and nod/say hi/good morning etc. I’ve had plenty of people say hello to me first too. I don’t think it’s unusual at all, and I think it’s nice to have someone smile and greet you - we’ve all become so insular these days!

Me too. It brings a smile! I walk past a chap every day on my commute. He always looked so grumpy so I started with a bright “morning” and now he smiles and sometimes we stop for a chat. Much better!

Same. I say hi to everyone I come across when walking, or give them a smile or a nod.

I am Northern though. I love that if I went down south, it would be classed as a mental illness.

Yes.

There's an older man that lives in a block of flats in our town that sits on his ground floor terrace, right next to the pavement. He sits smoking his pipe and says hi to everyone. Everyone in town knows him and speaks fondly of him.

Where I used to live, my neighbour would stand at the end of his drive for hours, chatting to the lollipop man, school mums, dog walkers, delivery guys... Also an older man. I know why he did it. He was an ex-miner with COPD, didn't have much energy to get out much, and didn't have much social contact.

There was a couple over the road that used to sit outside their house all night, every night, even in the rain. They had a sheltered porch. They'd sit drinking wine and beer. I did find that a bit weird - northern town, cold, felt a Bit Continental to me - but they were perfectly harmless. They'd either be there as a couple, or sat on their own.

People from older generations used to socialise on their doorsteps, whereas we hide ourselves away. Can't see myself ever going to stand outside and say hi to passing folk, but I know plenty of older people that do, and just say hi back.

The problem is your story changes.

In the first post you say he says hello loudly. Then in the last you say he says hello quietly from across the street.

The second type of behaviour is the kind of behaviour that you might expect from a dealer.

To all the people on here who think that @RogueFemale is being mean, unkind, unfriendly etc - if YOU got bad vibes from a stranger who tried to talk to you, would you act on those vibes and protect yourself by not engaging? It is easy to sit at your keyboard and tell the OP she is the devil incarnate for not overriding her genuine feelings of discomfort to interact with an intimidating stranger, but she is the one who is taking the risk that it all goes wrong if she does respond to him.

Women have been taught for far too long that they must ignore their own feelings of fear to pander to men’s wants, and this is a lesson that has put countless women in harm’s way. And yet some people still seem to feel that a man’s feelings matter more than a woman’s safety.

I wouldn’t like this, then again I’m in London and it would be abnormal to stand there calling out hello to strangers from your doorstep, unless maybe someone very old and frail (and even then I’ve never seen it). I’d settle for a wave and a quick smile, and see how that goes. Then maybe think about a different route if he became annoying.

How is he compromising her safety?

He’s probably incredibly lonely, and saying hello could be his only human interaction

He is making her feel uncomfortable, @ilovesooty, so she is being cautious. Why is that wrong of her?

If she is wrong, and he is perfectly safe, the worst that happens is that his feelings are hurt. If she is right, but does what so many on here have told her to do, and does interact with him, she could end up in an intimidating or even unsafe situation. I saw a meme that said “Men are afraid women will laugh at them - women are afraid men will kill them”, which I think explains why I don’t think @RogueFemale is wrong to be cautious.

And yet some people still seem to feel that a man’s feelings matter more than a woman’s safety.

No one has said or implied any such thing. It's not about protecting this man's feelings; people are objecting to OPs notion that saying hello in a non-creepy way, whilst on one's own property is in some way threatening or nefarious.
It's ridiculous.

If I got bad vibes, I’d take another direction.

I would accept it could be a “me” problem

I Wouldn’t tell people a story embellishing all the facts and making him out to be a demon when he’s displayed no demonic qualities

I wouldn’t ask for advice when actually I wanted validation

There’s a world of difference between her feeling uncomfortable and him MAKING her uncomfortable

Nobody would ever open their mouths if we had to be responsible for the internal feelings of random people. It’s not a him problem it’s an OP problem

You got all that from him saying hello?!? Bit of a leap!

Just say hello back, and carry on with your day.

Spot on. This attitude of people almost being desperate for men to be bad - who does it benefit? The overwhelming likelihood is he’s a friendly man, contingencies for him being a murderer sounds like a very miserable and stressful way to live

Good lord. Now if someone says hello to you they might be mentally ill?

It's nothing to do with whether a man's feelings matter more than a woman's safety.

Men aren't the enemy, and she isn't unsafe.

She feels uncomfortable. And she's changed her story so many times, it's clear that she has past trauma she's bringing to the table.

Fine. And I don't think she's the devil incarnate for over-reacting due to past trauma. Because she IS over-reacting, starting a poll to try and whip up some man hate rather than simply - and it really is simple - quietly ignoring him or taking another route, or going to a different shop. Not because the man is threatening her. She said herself she thinks he might have dementia. But because she feels threatened by that dementia.

It's an OP problem. The man is not wishing to hurt her.

Men are not the enemy. Some men are; most men aren't.