Old-ish man on the route to the Co-op who keeps saying hello

[RogueFemale]

I moved house last week and already have noticed this man. He lives on the short (7m) walking route to the local Co-Op. He's maybe mid 60s, tall, heavy build. He is always standing outside his front door, and he loudly says hello every time I go past. I ignore him.

I'm 60 and am used to being invisible.

So it's not a leering hello. I also thought maybe it was accidental he was standing outside before, or something, and just a cheery 'local' hello.

But I went past twice today (to Co-Op) and he was there both times, hello-ing, and I'm finding it quite weird, that he's always standing outside his front door.

I'm going to be going to the local Co-Op a lot, so what do I do?

AIBU to continue to ignore him and just doggedly go past for years pretending he's not there?

“Instinct” isn’t what people think it is. It’s not an internal thing your body naturally knows, it is entirely based on your own personal experience, can be entirely irrational, usually very judgemental. OP’s instinct is that someone with an intellectual disability poses a risk to her just because they have said hello. If this guy were a stone fox, would she be concerned? Statistically he would be more of a risk to her.

Nobody owes anyone a hello, of course they don’t. It’s a hell of a world if we decide everyone is a risk to us though.

Don’t tell me what I do! All I’ve said is that in my experience, in the area I live in, it would be unusual to be greeted in the street by a complete stranger.

You might shrug your shoulders. Others might feel differently.

I knew there must be more to this OP. I was guessing either you've previously been attacked or you're from London and saying hello to people is completely and utterly alien to you.

It's understandable now why you don't want randoms interacting with you, you don't trust men and why should you? I think it's also clear from this thread that your reaction isn't the norm for people who have grown up with different experiences to you. It's not the norm to jump from someone saying hello to they might stalk/attack/rape me next. It sounds like you're still really suffering from the trauma of all you have been through.

Nothing he's done makes him a bad or dangerous man, but it's entirely your right to ignore him. Have you had any help or support for all you've been through?

You literally said it’s what we all do, therefore including yourself, yes?

I said no it isn’t.

I have a residential home opposite my house. An elderly man seems to stand outside almost all day smoking. He started out shouting hello across the road so, of course, I said Hello back ( like any normal person). Horrifically this escalated and now we wave at each other and ( horrors) have even been known to ask ‘how are you’

But do you always assume that a dog is going to bite you? I would say not. It’s right to be wary but you don’t then become furious towards every dog you ever meet, ever again. If you do, that’s unreasonable.

It's clear from your responses OP that you have no interest in engaging with him, and fully intend to ignore him. Fai enough, you don't owe him anything. I just don't understand why you're even asking though, because it's clear you think he's mentally ill and have no wish to engage. What exactly are you seeking from this thread? A poll result which won't influence your choices either way?

Have you logged it with 101?

Exactly, @TaupeRaven.

OP - you have clearly made up your mind that you don’t want to engage with this man, and that his intentions are somehow nefarious. That’s up to you - you don’t need the permission of strangers online. But what do you propose to do about it? You’ve already said you ignore him when he says hello; there isn’t really anything else you can do. Saying hello isn’t a crime. You can’t force him not to stand outside his own house.

Practically speaking, you’ve been there a week. In September, when, despite some downpours, the weather isn’t generally bad enough to avoid going outside. You may find you see him less often in the coming weeks and months. And realistically, as much as you say he’s “always” outside, that’s physically impossible. He has to eat, go to the toilet, shower etc.. Based on one week where you’ve seen him a lot and he hasn’t actually done anything wrong, I don’t think you can conclude you need to be housebound forever to avoid him.

Just say hello back!

Yes, perhaps he does have additional needs or a mental health problem, but saying a friendly "hello!" back does not commit you to getting any more involved.
If he tries to start up a conversation, just answer non-commitally and keep walking!
"Hello! Where are you going?"
"Just to the co-op! Have a good day!"

Can you go a different route or go at different times? I'm afraid I have to resort to this to avoid running the gauntlet of the local aggressive beggars/Big Issue sellers and buskers!

If he is mentally ill then It's OK to say hello to mentally ill people too, they're human beings existing just like everyone else.

Fwiw you aren't coming cross as overly sane yourself. 😶‍🌫️

It’s easy to avoid dogs as all you have to do is cross the road

Men make up 50% of the planet. They are our fellow humans and we need them to bumble along in the world. Isn’t it far more sensible to address the fear rather than have a stressful life of never interacting with half of the world?

Same. I experienced horrific CSA and don’t behave like the OP. I also refuse to be a victim

I find it hard to believe people don’t say help on the street, ever. I’ve lived in unfriendly city centres but you’d still get the occasional greeting

Call 101, immediately.

In fact make it 999

Hes definitely a sex offender

Yep.
We used to have an old lady who stood outside her house and waved to passing cars.
For hours on end. Everyone waved back.
When she moved into a home the local FB page was flooded with people asking where the 'waving lady' was and hoping she was OK.

Going by your attitude everyone should have ignored her...

You are rude to be honest just say hello how strange to ignore him

Well you should just say hello. I think people are being a bit harsh though....I said too friendly a hello to a man like this and he started appearing every time I went for my walk and being quite weird.

I live in a small village, which, fortunately, has a Co-op. I walk to it a couple of times a week. Everyone I meet either says "Good morning/afternoon/hello". Most people I know by sight. I respond in kind, plus a smile. Occasionally, we comment on the weather. It's a pleasant part of village life. If the OP doesn't like this sort of interaction, just don't respond. Or move back to a town.

My friend's grand-dad used to do this. When he got too old to stand, he used to sit out in a garden chair, weather permitting. They actually extended the porch canopy so he could still "sit out" when it was rainy.

He liked to see what was going on, have a bit of a chat with passers-by etc. I actually "knew" grand-dad before I met my friend and it was nice when I found out more about him.

This was in a small village though, where it's perfectly normal to say hello to strangers you encounter while out, just as it is in my small rural town.

It’s easy to avoid dogs as all you have to do is cross the road

I don’t really understand why the OP doesn’t do the same with this man. Even if he shouts hello when she’s on the other side of the road, it’s surely easier to ignore him if she doesn’t have to walk directly past him.

I believe you have completely misread my post.

He probably thinks you are the weirdo who keeps walking past with your nose in the air!
How many times a day do you need to go to the Co op? I have to avoid the Co op, because of doughnuts, or rather my inability to resist them, but if I did walk past him, on the way to the Co op, I would be reassured that I was not invisible, by him saying hello and would reply, as it is rude not to.
He may have a game going on, and he gets 1 point for a reply, 2 points for a reply and a smile, and 3 points for fuck off!