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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I want to leave my bf because he's neglecting me

72 replies

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 16:06

Ok I already posted about this in another thread but I still wanna hear more opinions because I don't really know what to do.

In June 2025 I started dating this guy who I thought was just the sweetest guy ever. He was thoughtful, very much of a gentlemen and just the sweetest. He would constantly text me even when he was working, reply within minutes (!), and he would drive 40 minutes to see me without ever complaining. This guy would even stay up late just to talk to me on the phone.

In July 2025 we were officially a couple. I thought he was the kindest boy I ever met, he gave me very much a Marshall Erikson from HIMYM vibe. He constantly told me how happy I made him and how much he liked me. He would send me the cutest couple posts on Instagram, he told me he liked my little quirks and I genuinely believed we had a future.

Like 2 weeks ago, something switched. He doesn't bother anymore. Not a single call, he barely texts and if he does it's always super short. No more cute messages, nothing.
We only see each other 1-2 times a week now. I'm actually ok with that part, because you still need sometime for your hobbies, friends, university ect.

Last week we met at his place, but honestly, I think he only invited me because he wanted sex.
I directly communicated that I want him to text me more often and he told me he would. He texts me even less now.
I also said I liked how romantic he was at first, and I asked him to be slightly more romantic again. Doesn't have to be roses and candles but one nice text message a day would make me so happy.

I also asked him if he would appreciate it if I did a small romantic thing for him, like giving him a post-it with a compliment on it.
He told me no, not really.

Yesterday he texted me again after a while. I responded with a question (not even about the relationship itself) and he left me on read since. It's been 24 h!!

Sorry I'm not this overly clingy crazy gf but 24 hours is a looong time to respond with at least a very short text message.

I know men often don't like texting a lot but this is so disrespectful.

We're officially a couple for 1 1/2 months now and this is all I get??

I understand the honeymoon phase doesn't last forever but I think he liked me for a month or so and then lost interest :(

OP posts:
DisplayPurposesOnly · 15/09/2025 16:08

I dont know why you're even asking.

Dozycuntlaters · 15/09/2025 16:09

I don't think there is any other opinion other that end it. He's clearly not bothered about you, and is giving you the slow fade. Chuck him back, it wont get any better.

takealettermsjones · 15/09/2025 16:09

Don't tie yourself up in knots thinking about it - just throw him back.

Mollydoggerson · 15/09/2025 16:10

He is using you for sex whilst on the look out for something new.

Mollydoggerson · 15/09/2025 16:10

It's only mid September, this was a short lived summer romance.

YesImaman1100 · 15/09/2025 16:11

Are you familiar with the phrase "Pumped and dumped"?

Block him and move on, be better for you in the long run.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 15/09/2025 16:11

Your other post
www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5410988-my-boyfriend-seems-to-loose-interest

TheGreatWesternShrew · 15/09/2025 16:11

It’s only been 1.5 months and he’s gone off you it seems. Break up with him… if he’s not fab in the honeymoon period then he won’t be long term. It’s run its course and it hasn’t worked out.

Just text him ‘Sorry, this isn’t working for me anymore. We’re over. Good luck for the future.’

MidnightPatrol · 15/09/2025 16:13

So he’s not been that interested for 2 weeks of your six week relationship?

He’s not interested, move on.

Merryoldgoat · 15/09/2025 16:13

It sounds like he’s already broken up with you.

NotItsyBitsyNorTeenyWeeny · 15/09/2025 16:15

I think it was very much just the novelty phase when he was being very loving towards you. It's only been three months and he's not making any effort / is getting bored.

Definitely dump! He isn't longterm partner material I don't think

MarxistMags · 15/09/2025 16:16

It's only been 6 weeks ! Don't waste any more time on him. It's obvious He's not that into you .

Cerialkiller · 15/09/2025 16:17

He was either love bombing you, a technique to reel you in and fall hard for him so you will always think back to those heady first weeks...

Or

He just wanted to get you into bed and now he's done it the novelty/thrill of the chase of is over.

Or

He's love bombing someone else already and he's subconsciously pushing you away/can't be bothered with you.

It doesn't really matter which. Either the early version was the real him, which suggests he's had his head turned, or this version is the real him in which case the early version was fake. Or the weird personality switching hot/cold is really him and you REALLY want to stay away from that toxic shit.

Harrysmummy246 · 15/09/2025 16:21

Honestly, are you a teenager?

You don't need two threads. You don't need to agonise. It's been 6 weeks, you say you want to leave. It's not even leaving. It's just ending something that isn't working well. There aren't years of shared memories, children or finances

Original poster
ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 16:22

YesImaman1100 · 15/09/2025 16:11

Are you familiar with the phrase "Pumped and dumped"?

Block him and move on, be better for you in the long run.

Haha yes I am familiar with it. The thing is, he doesn't believe in one night stands or fwb. He's actually quite conservative when it comes to dating, he wants to get married early and so on.

I thought a guy like that would never lie when he tells me how much he likes me. I never thought a guy like that would only use me for sex either but here we are lol.
The thing is I still believe he wants a serious gf- but he doesn't see me as that. He just asked me to be his gf so he could bang me. I will dump his ass

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 15/09/2025 16:23

@ThisPearlSnake

Thats what he’s told you. Come now. Don’t be a twit.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/09/2025 16:24

He’s clearly already left you op?

NotItsyBitsyNorTeenyWeeny · 15/09/2025 16:25

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 16:22

Haha yes I am familiar with it. The thing is, he doesn't believe in one night stands or fwb. He's actually quite conservative when it comes to dating, he wants to get married early and so on.

I thought a guy like that would never lie when he tells me how much he likes me. I never thought a guy like that would only use me for sex either but here we are lol.
The thing is I still believe he wants a serious gf- but he doesn't see me as that. He just asked me to be his gf so he could bang me. I will dump his ass

Show quote history

A lot of men say this about not doing one night stands, wanting to get married "soon". It is (often) future faking. Don't fall for it!

You mentioned uni so I guess you are both quite young.

Whatever his reasons, he isn't showing you much interest. Time to move on. You deserve better

JetFlight · 15/09/2025 16:26

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 16:22

Haha yes I am familiar with it. The thing is, he doesn't believe in one night stands or fwb. He's actually quite conservative when it comes to dating, he wants to get married early and so on.

I thought a guy like that would never lie when he tells me how much he likes me. I never thought a guy like that would only use me for sex either but here we are lol.
The thing is I still believe he wants a serious gf- but he doesn't see me as that. He just asked me to be his gf so he could bang me. I will dump his ass

Show quote history

Yeah dump him.
What he said probably wasn’t true. It was just to lure you in.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/09/2025 16:27

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 16:22

Haha yes I am familiar with it. The thing is, he doesn't believe in one night stands or fwb. He's actually quite conservative when it comes to dating, he wants to get married early and so on.

I thought a guy like that would never lie when he tells me how much he likes me. I never thought a guy like that would only use me for sex either but here we are lol.
The thing is I still believe he wants a serious gf- but he doesn't see me as that. He just asked me to be his gf so he could bang me. I will dump his ass

Show quote history

You’ve misunderstood op.

he SAID he doesn’t believe in…etc

that doesn’t actually mean it’s true

CeffylCoch · 15/09/2025 16:27

Take the huge hint. He is telling you he’s not interested. Dump him or just don’t message him again

Skybluepinky · 15/09/2025 16:28

Just kick to the kerb and move on.

BuckChuckets · 15/09/2025 16:29

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 16:22

Haha yes I am familiar with it. The thing is, he doesn't believe in one night stands or fwb. He's actually quite conservative when it comes to dating, he wants to get married early and so on.

I thought a guy like that would never lie when he tells me how much he likes me. I never thought a guy like that would only use me for sex either but here we are lol.
The thing is I still believe he wants a serious gf- but he doesn't see me as that. He just asked me to be his gf so he could bang me. I will dump his ass

Show quote history

He's live bombed and lied, you're just a shag. How old are you, out of interest? You sound straight out of an American teen romance novel.

Wessexfuntime · 15/09/2025 16:30

Just end it. He is no longer interested.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/09/2025 16:34

I think at this stage it would be quite embarrassing to send a ‘you’re dumped’ text. He’s clearly already done it via the cowardly slow fade. I wouldn’t do the slow fade, but if I did, and then received a dear John text, I would find it amusing. Just block his number op, move on, and next time, go off blokes actions, not their words.