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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My boyfriend seems to loose interest

18 replies

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 12:26

Hi everybody!

So first of all, i want to make clear that I know this probably is not the right forum for my concern but I just HAVE to talk to somebody.

In the end of June 2025 I met this great guy. We started dating and by the end of July 2025 we were officially a couple.

In the beginning he was so sweet and charming. He constantly told me how happy he was with me, he would text back within minutes even when he was working, he would send me cute posts on Instagram and so on. I was very flattered by this behaviour and I took this as a good sign.

About 2 weeks ago his behaviour suddenly changed. He never texted me first, and when we met at his place he definitely cared more about the sex than about actually talking to me. He still gives me compliments but only about my appearence. He used to reply almost instantly, now it often takes him 15-16 hours to reply to a single text message. We only see each other 1-2 times a week and honestly I think he just wants to see me to have sex.

Look, I don't want to be this obsessive clingy girlfriend. I'm totally ok with spending time apart, and I don't need him to text me all day either. I would be totally okay with it if it takes him a while to respond but being left on read for 15-16 hours multiple times just isn't very nice.

It's not like he's busy- university starts in 2 weeks so he's not really doing anything right now. Also I know he's on his phone a lot usually.

I guess he is just not that into me after all, and I feel so stupid for thinking he genuinely liked me (which he told me multiple times) :(

OP posts:
Pashazade · 15/09/2025 12:37

Yup sorry, throw him back, he’s not worth your time, he’s got you as a booty call and really isn’t interested in anything else. You’re worth more than this.

aquashiv · 15/09/2025 15:17

"Match his energy and see how he responds; that will give you your answer." your answer."

fedup078 · 15/09/2025 15:24

Yeah I had one like this. Seemed very keen to start . Then started taking 3 days to text back and wasn’t interested in doing anything other than sex and staying in . They reel you in and then think they don’t have to make any further effort .

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 15:42

Heey I just read your replies!

You guys are all completely right, he's probably just not the one for me :(

He liked me as a bootycall and that's it.

OP posts:
Tablesandchairs23 · 15/09/2025 15:59

He's a love bomber. Put him in the bin.

Meandmyguy · 15/09/2025 16:02

Op, slow down.

No one here knows why, talk to him!

Mollydoggerson · 15/09/2025 16:07

Love bomber, he is back on the apps now.

Many people get bored of their sex partner after a dozen times. Dump.

TheAvidWriter · 15/09/2025 16:08

I may be wrong but he may be using a tactic used by many men these days where they are super keen at the start, but hen are like a yoyo, not completely in, but not out, and its called intermitted reinforcement, a psychology tactic to confuse you, this is to get you anxious, and if I am right then he is successful here as you are already questioning things, and rightly so.

I guarantee that if you say hey thanks but no thanks, he will be the bloke you knew at the start again, but only for a short while till he is again just breadcrumbing you.

Toss him back.

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 16:10

Meandmyguy · 15/09/2025 16:02

Op, slow down.

No one here knows why, talk to him!

I already communicated my feelings a couple days ago. I explained to him how this behaviour hurts me and I need him to text me more often and be at least a bit more romantic - it didn't help I guess.

OP posts:
ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 16:13

Mollydoggerson · 15/09/2025 16:07

Love bomber, he is back on the apps now.

Many people get bored of their sex partner after a dozen times. Dump.

But the thing is, he asked me to be his gf, and chased after me endlessly. Why did he not just tell me he only wanted sex?
Also, he is only 20. I was his first everything. First girlfriend, first sex partner and so on. Why would he fumble this badly? He is not a player and had no sucess with girls before.

OP posts:
SoftandQuiet · 15/09/2025 16:21

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 16:13

But the thing is, he asked me to be his gf, and chased after me endlessly. Why did he not just tell me he only wanted sex?
Also, he is only 20. I was his first everything. First girlfriend, first sex partner and so on. Why would he fumble this badly? He is not a player and had no sucess with girls before.

Are you sure...?

TheAvidWriter · 15/09/2025 16:24

Again, look into ntermittent reinforcement – in psychology, when someone gives affection or attention inconsistently, which can create confusion and even stronger attachment.
Or, he is simply loosing interest. These things happen. Or, at 20 years of age, he lacks maturity or knowledge what healthy relationships look like, or does not want the intensity that goes with a GF, but wants what comes with the label.

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 16:28

SoftandQuiet · 15/09/2025 16:21

Are you sure...?

absolutely. I could definitely tell during the sex and his friends also told me he was a virgin so I guess yeah.

OP posts:
user892734543544 · 15/09/2025 17:07

It doesn't matter if he said he likes you multiple times.

He's not telling you (showing you) that he doesn't.

So you now have to decide whether or not you're going to listen to him and allow him to phase you out, which is what he's trying to do.

If you end things and stop responding to him you will at least maintain dignity, but you are not going to be able to make him like you in the way that you want.

So your only choice now is how much dignity you retain.

Merseymum1980 · 15/09/2025 17:09

Read a book called the new rules by Ellen fein and Sherrie Schnider

PersephonePomegranate · 15/09/2025 22:21

Sorry OP, but people can be fickle.

Katflapkit · 15/09/2025 23:38

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 16:13

But the thing is, he asked me to be his gf, and chased after me endlessly. Why did he not just tell me he only wanted sex?
Also, he is only 20. I was his first everything. First girlfriend, first sex partner and so on. Why would he fumble this badly? He is not a player and had no sucess with girls before.

You may be his first but you aren't going to be his last. Walk away, it's not worth the fight. If he cared, he show it.

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