Page 3 | I want to leave my bf because he's neglecting me

ainsleysanob · 15/09/2025 22:08

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 22:03

Look. I believe you. I know he used me for sex and dumped me. I'll get over it haha. But this guy was not a player before me. Like definitely not. He probably will be a player after me but before? No way, he had zero game. Like he's 20 and I was literally his first kiss, his first time holding hands, and he did not have a single clue in the bedroom and I had to show him everything.

In the beginning he was afraid to even hold my hand, when we had our first kiss he was so overwhelmed his hand started shaking.

I totally understand now that he's a bad person but it's not like he had this super obvious bad boy persona that I fell for. He was more like the shy nerd with oversized glasses kind of guy

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Okay so he’s got a taste for it then! Every player has to start the game somewhere! Everyone has a first victim! At least you took his ‘nobhead’ virginity and havnt been the last in a long line! You’ve been the first!

RememberBeKindWithKaren · 15/09/2025 22:09

End it.

LIZS · 15/09/2025 22:20

You can’t leave when you were never together. You just say it is over or refuse to engage further.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 15/09/2025 22:29

It's finishing with him or ending it with him.

mintydoggyv · 15/09/2025 22:34

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 16:06

Ok I already posted about this in another thread but I still wanna hear more opinions because I don't really know what to do.

In June 2025 I started dating this guy who I thought was just the sweetest guy ever. He was thoughtful, very much of a gentlemen and just the sweetest. He would constantly text me even when he was working, reply within minutes (!), and he would drive 40 minutes to see me without ever complaining. This guy would even stay up late just to talk to me on the phone.

In July 2025 we were officially a couple. I thought he was the kindest boy I ever met, he gave me very much a Marshall Erikson from HIMYM vibe. He constantly told me how happy I made him and how much he liked me. He would send me the cutest couple posts on Instagram, he told me he liked my little quirks and I genuinely believed we had a future.

Like 2 weeks ago, something switched. He doesn't bother anymore. Not a single call, he barely texts and if he does it's always super short. No more cute messages, nothing.
We only see each other 1-2 times a week now. I'm actually ok with that part, because you still need sometime for your hobbies, friends, university ect.

Last week we met at his place, but honestly, I think he only invited me because he wanted sex.
I directly communicated that I want him to text me more often and he told me he would. He texts me even less now.
I also said I liked how romantic he was at first, and I asked him to be slightly more romantic again. Doesn't have to be roses and candles but one nice text message a day would make me so happy.

I also asked him if he would appreciate it if I did a small romantic thing for him, like giving him a post-it with a compliment on it.
He told me no, not really.

Yesterday he texted me again after a while. I responded with a question (not even about the relationship itself) and he left me on read since. It's been 24 h!!

Sorry I'm not this overly clingy crazy gf but 24 hours is a looong time to respond with at least a very short text message.

I know men often don't like texting a lot but this is so disrespectful.

We're officially a couple for 1 1/2 months now and this is all I get??

I understand the honeymoon phase doesn't last forever but I think he liked me for a month or so and then lost interest :(

Leave him for some one else , your loseing out , he has lost interest in you and moved on

Woompund · 15/09/2025 22:39

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 22:03

Look. I believe you. I know he used me for sex and dumped me. I'll get over it haha. But this guy was not a player before me. Like definitely not. He probably will be a player after me but before? No way, he had zero game. Like he's 20 and I was literally his first kiss, his first time holding hands, and he did not have a single clue in the bedroom and I had to show him everything.

In the beginning he was afraid to even hold my hand, when we had our first kiss he was so overwhelmed his hand started shaking.

I totally understand now that he's a bad person but it's not like he had this super obvious bad boy persona that I fell for. He was more like the shy nerd with oversized glasses kind of guy

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He's not a player, he's not a bad person, he didn't use you, he's just a young guy who decided after a few weeks that you're not the one for him. Yes he should have the balls to break up properly but this is what dating is - it happens all the time- it's not deliberate, but you meet someone, think they are the shit and then after a few months you realise they aren't, not for you anyway. It will happen to you the other way around plenty of times, believe me. It's sad, be sad for a few days, then move on.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 15/09/2025 22:42

How old are you???
Christ alive ths sounds insufferable

Woompund · 15/09/2025 22:42

Bigearringsbigsmile · 15/09/2025 22:42

How old are you???
Christ alive ths sounds insufferable

She's 19. They do tend to be a bit insufferable. We all were, way back when.

Glowingup · 15/09/2025 23:13

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 22:03

Look. I believe you. I know he used me for sex and dumped me. I'll get over it haha. But this guy was not a player before me. Like definitely not. He probably will be a player after me but before? No way, he had zero game. Like he's 20 and I was literally his first kiss, his first time holding hands, and he did not have a single clue in the bedroom and I had to show him everything.

In the beginning he was afraid to even hold my hand, when we had our first kiss he was so overwhelmed his hand started shaking.

I totally understand now that he's a bad person but it's not like he had this super obvious bad boy persona that I fell for. He was more like the shy nerd with oversized glasses kind of guy

Show quote history

I sense that you thought you always were/are too good for him - that this shy “nerd” should be so lucky to have you that he would do anything for you and thank his lucky stars every day that he was with you. Now that he’s cooled right off you seem incredulous that he has dared to dump you. Nobody wants to be with someone who thinks you’re not good enough for them, trust me.

Followthesunshine · 15/09/2025 23:32

It's called dating. Move on.

SandyY2K · 15/09/2025 23:36

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 16:22

Haha yes I am familiar with it. The thing is, he doesn't believe in one night stands or fwb. He's actually quite conservative when it comes to dating, he wants to get married early and so on.

I thought a guy like that would never lie when he tells me how much he likes me. I never thought a guy like that would only use me for sex either but here we are lol.
The thing is I still believe he wants a serious gf- but he doesn't see me as that. He just asked me to be his gf so he could bang me. I will dump his ass

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You sound somewhat naive with men and in relationships.

Don't over analyse this. He's not treating you as you want, so be done with him. Why waste your time.

Harrysmummy246 · 16/09/2025 10:13

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 21:29

okay okay did you even read all of this? I literally said I AM NO LONGER interested in him, either. Why on earth do you think that I think I still want him after all this shit? If a guy wants to be my boyfriend, he has to be nice to me, he wasn't. My requirement that a guy is nice to me is not needy, it's a healthy boundary that I made.

Also in the beginning, if anybody was needy it was him. He was the one chasing after me, I was hesitant. He begged me to go out with him, I said maybe. The first time he asked me to be his girlfriend, I told him no. He did not give up and when I started to like him back, that's when he lost interest.

Also, you really need to clean your refrigerator.

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He seemed needy but wore you down. What healthy boundary?

Peteryourhorseisheree · 16/09/2025 10:14

Life’s too short for this bollocks. Just ditch him.

Harrysmummy246 · 16/09/2025 10:15

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 22:08

Okay, just out of sheer curiosity? What is your definition of leaving somebody?
Because to me it means... telling him I don't want to date you anymore. Which is what was my original plan, but actually just never texting him again seems way smarter, thank god i didn't write him a goodbye message.

So what is your definition of leaving somebody? Causing a huge scene? Sort of not my style in general. I'm a quiet type of person. To me leaving my boyfriend means either sending him a goodbye text or ghosting him back.

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No, leaving is what happens when your lives have been entwined for some time and you have to make an effort to separate them. E.g. If for some awful reason, I were to need to separate from my husband now, we have a child together, a home together, pets, shared memories, family who have known us as a couple for two decades.
Having to find somewhere else to live, and start again, that's leaving

Starlight1984 · 16/09/2025 10:54

Haha yes I am familiar with it. The thing is, he doesn't believe in one night stands or fwb. He's actually quite conservative when it comes to dating, he wants to get married early and so on.

😆

Starlight1984 · 16/09/2025 10:58

okay okay did you even read all of this? I literally said I AM NO LONGER interested in him, either.

So why are you posting about him?

mintydoggyv · 16/09/2025 11:04

Remain single it's so much easier no problems

Toptops · 17/09/2025 18:39

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 16:22

Haha yes I am familiar with it. The thing is, he doesn't believe in one night stands or fwb. He's actually quite conservative when it comes to dating, he wants to get married early and so on.

I thought a guy like that would never lie when he tells me how much he likes me. I never thought a guy like that would only use me for sex either but here we are lol.
The thing is I still believe he wants a serious gf- but he doesn't see me as that. He just asked me to be his gf so he could bang me. I will dump his ass

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You're right!
He is looking further afield.
Throw him back - and raise your expectations!
If someone treats you like this so early on in a relationship, they are not worth it.
Sorry for your disappointment x

Yamamm · 17/09/2025 18:48

Good you’ve decided to bow out.
With your updates. He was bowled over with excitement at his first relationship and assumed those heady first times were forever feelings.
Then when the fizz died it was too much effort.
No drama. You’re both very young. You do sound a bit needy though. All this analysis won’t change the facts of his attitude towards you not being what you want. Even if he suddenly announces he was distracted by something and starts up again with the love bombing you won’t believe in it any more.

Original poster

ThisPearlSnake · 18/09/2025 17:33

Yamamm · 17/09/2025 18:48

Good you’ve decided to bow out.
With your updates. He was bowled over with excitement at his first relationship and assumed those heady first times were forever feelings.
Then when the fizz died it was too much effort.
No drama. You’re both very young. You do sound a bit needy though. All this analysis won’t change the facts of his attitude towards you not being what you want. Even if he suddenly announces he was distracted by something and starts up again with the love bombing you won’t believe in it any more.

Yeaah I ended it and I'm not really sad about it. I can definitely do better than that and yes, I did sound needy but at the same time a guy who would actually appreciate me and treat me right would not make me needy. I was definitely the chill one at first, then he lovebombed me, I fell for this bullshit and I swear the minute I told him I liked him back he pulled away.

OP posts:

Nothereforagoodtime · 18/09/2025 17:38

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 22:03

Look. I believe you. I know he used me for sex and dumped me. I'll get over it haha. But this guy was not a player before me. Like definitely not. He probably will be a player after me but before? No way, he had zero game. Like he's 20 and I was literally his first kiss, his first time holding hands, and he did not have a single clue in the bedroom and I had to show him everything.

In the beginning he was afraid to even hold my hand, when we had our first kiss he was so overwhelmed his hand started shaking.

I totally understand now that he's a bad person but it's not like he had this super obvious bad boy persona that I fell for. He was more like the shy nerd with oversized glasses kind of guy

Show quote history

This might have been a tactic as well, not necessarily true.

pikkumyy77 · 18/09/2025 17:45

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 22:03

Look. I believe you. I know he used me for sex and dumped me. I'll get over it haha. But this guy was not a player before me. Like definitely not. He probably will be a player after me but before? No way, he had zero game. Like he's 20 and I was literally his first kiss, his first time holding hands, and he did not have a single clue in the bedroom and I had to show him everything.

In the beginning he was afraid to even hold my hand, when we had our first kiss he was so overwhelmed his hand started shaking.

I totally understand now that he's a bad person but it's not like he had this super obvious bad boy persona that I fell for. He was more like the shy nerd with oversized glasses kind of guy

Show quote history

Ok so that’s the lesson here. You thought he was safe/real/ trustworthy because you thought you had the upper hand sexually. But you didn’t. He looked like milk toast but he crumbled like stale bread. Next time be more choosy about who you let inside your perimeter.