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Original poster

I want to leave my bf because he's neglecting me

72 replies

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 16:06

Ok I already posted about this in another thread but I still wanna hear more opinions because I don't really know what to do.

In June 2025 I started dating this guy who I thought was just the sweetest guy ever. He was thoughtful, very much of a gentlemen and just the sweetest. He would constantly text me even when he was working, reply within minutes (!), and he would drive 40 minutes to see me without ever complaining. This guy would even stay up late just to talk to me on the phone.

In July 2025 we were officially a couple. I thought he was the kindest boy I ever met, he gave me very much a Marshall Erikson from HIMYM vibe. He constantly told me how happy I made him and how much he liked me. He would send me the cutest couple posts on Instagram, he told me he liked my little quirks and I genuinely believed we had a future.

Like 2 weeks ago, something switched. He doesn't bother anymore. Not a single call, he barely texts and if he does it's always super short. No more cute messages, nothing.
We only see each other 1-2 times a week now. I'm actually ok with that part, because you still need sometime for your hobbies, friends, university ect.

Last week we met at his place, but honestly, I think he only invited me because he wanted sex.
I directly communicated that I want him to text me more often and he told me he would. He texts me even less now.
I also said I liked how romantic he was at first, and I asked him to be slightly more romantic again. Doesn't have to be roses and candles but one nice text message a day would make me so happy.

I also asked him if he would appreciate it if I did a small romantic thing for him, like giving him a post-it with a compliment on it.
He told me no, not really.

Yesterday he texted me again after a while. I responded with a question (not even about the relationship itself) and he left me on read since. It's been 24 h!!

Sorry I'm not this overly clingy crazy gf but 24 hours is a looong time to respond with at least a very short text message.

I know men often don't like texting a lot but this is so disrespectful.

We're officially a couple for 1 1/2 months now and this is all I get??

I understand the honeymoon phase doesn't last forever but I think he liked me for a month or so and then lost interest :(

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 15/09/2025 16:34

He's not into you. You might as well end it. Mind you, you sound a bit needy to me.

JudeyJudey · 15/09/2025 16:34

I’m guessing you’re quite young? And possibly American?

Those uni relationships can be quite brutal ☹️

YesImaman1100 · 15/09/2025 16:35

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 16:22

Haha yes I am familiar with it. The thing is, he doesn't believe in one night stands or fwb. He's actually quite conservative when it comes to dating, he wants to get married early and so on.

I thought a guy like that would never lie when he tells me how much he likes me. I never thought a guy like that would only use me for sex either but here we are lol.
The thing is I still believe he wants a serious gf- but he doesn't see me as that. He just asked me to be his gf so he could bang me. I will dump his ass

Show quote history

Good, save you wasting time on what looks like a non-starter.

Elliania · 15/09/2025 16:46

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 16:22

Haha yes I am familiar with it. The thing is, he doesn't believe in one night stands or fwb. He's actually quite conservative when it comes to dating, he wants to get married early and so on.

I thought a guy like that would never lie when he tells me how much he likes me. I never thought a guy like that would only use me for sex either but here we are lol.
The thing is I still believe he wants a serious gf- but he doesn't see me as that. He just asked me to be his gf so he could bang me. I will dump his ass

Show quote history

That's what he says. But look instead at what he DOES. Believe the actions not the words. He's either lying about those things or he does want them but doesn't want them with you. And that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, he's just potentially not being truthful with you.

Daughterofthesea · 15/09/2025 16:48

This is a tale as old as time I’m afraid.
He love bombed you at the start and now he’s had you he’s bored, devalued you and he’s moved on to pastures new.
Dump and move on. Maybe take it a bit slower next time as too much too soon is a red flag - constant texting, calls and compliments early on is a fast forwarding technique to get you invested and to get you in bed.

Glowingup · 15/09/2025 17:03

He’s not your boyfriend. And he’s not that into you. He fed you some lame fantasy about getting married but has now cooled on the idea of being in a relationship. Also the behaviour at the outset (ie a mere few months ago) sounds like love bombing. Find an equal - not someone who always acts like you’re the queen or something. That’s not normal or healthy even though social media tries to tell you it is.

LIZS · 15/09/2025 18:21

You are not a couple after just a few weeks! Sounds like he has got comfortable and you are a convenience when he has nothing else to busy himself. Early days should not be this hard. It does not work for you, end it and move on.

singthing · 15/09/2025 18:40

All the talk of "being official" for the grand sum of 6 weeks makes me think you are both about 12.

Wishimaywishimight · 15/09/2025 18:52

You really need to stop believing what men say - seriously!!

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 15/09/2025 18:58

Men say nice and loving things to get sex
Women give sex to hear nice and loving things
He has had sex, he’s off the boil. Sorry chuck him back.

honeylulu · 15/09/2025 18:59

His keenness may have been genuine initially but from what I recall from my dating days (30 odd years ago!) blokes can lose interest overnight. If i got bored with a boyfriend it would tend to creep up on me slowly so I was always shocked that adoration could become indifference so quickly.

I think these days it's easier to drag things out because it's harder to lose contact when you have mobile phones. But this one looks like a dead duck. Next!

Pigeonsandgiraffees · 15/09/2025 19:04

Men say a lot of things to lure women in.

He is now just using you for sex. He isn't the real deal, OP. Sorry, most of us have been where you are and we know it is a horrible feeling.

Do not try and convince yourself there is any other reason other than he's simply another loser of a guy who will love bomb, lure you in, then once he's had his fill will simply discard you.

End it, and never look back.

Original poster
ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 20:27

singthing · 15/09/2025 18:40

All the talk of "being official" for the grand sum of 6 weeks makes me think you are both about 12.

Edited

I mean you're probably right, but he did introduce me as his girlfriend to all of his family and his friends and I never asked him to. And yes, I believed him when he said he was serious with me and I shouldn't have, but at the same time why on earth do you bother to do all that just for sex? Why did he not just go on tinder for that, lol?

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 20:30

ilovesooty · 15/09/2025 16:34

He's not into you. You might as well end it. Mind you, you sound a bit needy to me.

Yeah you're right. But am I a needy person or did he make me a needy person? That's a huge difference.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 15/09/2025 20:35

Get rid now. I wasted nearly 3yrs of my life on someone who frequently left me on read, who was all love struck at first then changed. I finally got rid 4wks ago, and should have done it years ago. Honestly get out now whilst it’s easier. This should be the honeymoon phase.

Original poster
ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 20:40

LIZS · 15/09/2025 18:21

You are not a couple after just a few weeks! Sounds like he has got comfortable and you are a convenience when he has nothing else to busy himself. Early days should not be this hard. It does not work for you, end it and move on.

You're right- early days should not be hard. There is one point I slightly disagree with though, I think you can absolutely be a couple after a few weeks, especially when he asked me to be his gf. It's not like I forced him to ask me and I was very hesistant at first.

If he did not ask me to be his gf, all this would have never happened, because I don't date for casual fun.

I would have been ok with it if he just told me he's looking for some fun. It's not like I judge people for wanting one night stands and casual dating. Then I would have stopped talking to him immediately but noo he had to do all this "omg you're my dream girl I like you soo much I see a future with you" bullshit.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 20:42

JudeyJudey · 15/09/2025 16:34

I’m guessing you’re quite young? And possibly American?

Those uni relationships can be quite brutal ☹️

Yeah I'm 19. This doesn't change the fact that I know exactly what I want in relationships and... it's not him, lol.

And no, I'm not American, English is my third language which is why half of the things I write make no sense

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 15/09/2025 20:48

ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 16:22

Haha yes I am familiar with it. The thing is, he doesn't believe in one night stands or fwb. He's actually quite conservative when it comes to dating, he wants to get married early and so on.

I thought a guy like that would never lie when he tells me how much he likes me. I never thought a guy like that would only use me for sex either but here we are lol.
The thing is I still believe he wants a serious gf- but he doesn't see me as that. He just asked me to be his gf so he could bang me. I will dump his ass

Show quote history

Haha yourself. He’s full of shit. Of course he “believes” in those things. The first thing a cheater and a liar does is lie about what they will do.

MayaPinion · 15/09/2025 20:49

I have a tub of Lurpak in my fridge that’s older than your ‘relationship’. My cheese could be your relationship’s dad, it’s over. He’s gone off you but will still shag you if he can sweet talk you into it. Stop doing this to yourself and move on. I’m not sure what responses you got the last time you posted that made you think he was going to turn into some sort of white knight in shining armour, but he’s really just some sexed up horny teenager who is no longer that interested in trying to get you into the sack.

It doesn’t matter who made you needy. You sound needy. It is very off putting in a new relationship and I can see why he’s backing off.

Original poster
ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 21:29

MayaPinion · 15/09/2025 20:49

I have a tub of Lurpak in my fridge that’s older than your ‘relationship’. My cheese could be your relationship’s dad, it’s over. He’s gone off you but will still shag you if he can sweet talk you into it. Stop doing this to yourself and move on. I’m not sure what responses you got the last time you posted that made you think he was going to turn into some sort of white knight in shining armour, but he’s really just some sexed up horny teenager who is no longer that interested in trying to get you into the sack.

It doesn’t matter who made you needy. You sound needy. It is very off putting in a new relationship and I can see why he’s backing off.

okay okay did you even read all of this? I literally said I AM NO LONGER interested in him, either. Why on earth do you think that I think I still want him after all this shit? If a guy wants to be my boyfriend, he has to be nice to me, he wasn't. My requirement that a guy is nice to me is not needy, it's a healthy boundary that I made.

Also in the beginning, if anybody was needy it was him. He was the one chasing after me, I was hesitant. He begged me to go out with him, I said maybe. The first time he asked me to be his girlfriend, I told him no. He did not give up and when I started to like him back, that's when he lost interest.

Also, you really need to clean your refrigerator.

OP posts:
ainsleysanob · 15/09/2025 21:45

He has used you for a shag. It’s as simple as that. Jesus, it’s irrelevant what he’s bullshitted you with about ‘dream girl’, being conservative and not believing in casual fun! Of course he does! He’s actively demonstrated that he does! It’s a tale as old as time and I’d hazard a guess that about 80% of women have come across such a man! It’s not a you problem, you’ve just been suckered in like the majority of us have at some point or another! All the crap about being his girlfriend at the beginning is whats called the chase and now he caught his pray and he’s bored! It’ll be another girl soon.

LIZS · 15/09/2025 21:48

But you are being melodramatic! You don’t need to “leave” him, you don’t live together, just say no thanks I’m done if needs be. You never were bf and gf, it was just a ruse to have sex with you. Probably it never was that serious for him, sorry.

Whateverwillwedonow · 15/09/2025 21:52

Is he also at uni?
My guess (if he is) is that it was a summer romance.

Move on.

Original poster
ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 22:03

ainsleysanob · 15/09/2025 21:45

He has used you for a shag. It’s as simple as that. Jesus, it’s irrelevant what he’s bullshitted you with about ‘dream girl’, being conservative and not believing in casual fun! Of course he does! He’s actively demonstrated that he does! It’s a tale as old as time and I’d hazard a guess that about 80% of women have come across such a man! It’s not a you problem, you’ve just been suckered in like the majority of us have at some point or another! All the crap about being his girlfriend at the beginning is whats called the chase and now he caught his pray and he’s bored! It’ll be another girl soon.

Edited

Look. I believe you. I know he used me for sex and dumped me. I'll get over it haha. But this guy was not a player before me. Like definitely not. He probably will be a player after me but before? No way, he had zero game. Like he's 20 and I was literally his first kiss, his first time holding hands, and he did not have a single clue in the bedroom and I had to show him everything.

In the beginning he was afraid to even hold my hand, when we had our first kiss he was so overwhelmed his hand started shaking.

I totally understand now that he's a bad person but it's not like he had this super obvious bad boy persona that I fell for. He was more like the shy nerd with oversized glasses kind of guy

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisPearlSnake · 15/09/2025 22:08

LIZS · 15/09/2025 21:48

But you are being melodramatic! You don’t need to “leave” him, you don’t live together, just say no thanks I’m done if needs be. You never were bf and gf, it was just a ruse to have sex with you. Probably it never was that serious for him, sorry.

Okay, just out of sheer curiosity? What is your definition of leaving somebody?
Because to me it means... telling him I don't want to date you anymore. Which is what was my original plan, but actually just never texting him again seems way smarter, thank god i didn't write him a goodbye message.

So what is your definition of leaving somebody? Causing a huge scene? Sort of not my style in general. I'm a quiet type of person. To me leaving my boyfriend means either sending him a goodbye text or ghosting him back.

OP posts: