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Original poster

To no longer care about men or the male gaze

78 replies

0876gyjijg · 14/09/2025 21:31

Having turned 45, it has dawned on me that my life is less and less centered on booked. Dh and I have t been doing all that great for years, don't share a room or have sex but actually not all that bothered. Clearly it's due to the change but I just don't care about their shit anymore. As a professional woman, I interact with plenty at work. However, much of my world is now pretty female centered and that's kind of ok. Never thought that would be the case but that's kind of where am at. I could easily have half a life to go and while so much is focused on male/female dynamics, am just not bothered. Is that what most people feel after the change or just me?

OP posts:
Katemax82 · 14/09/2025 21:33

I would be happy to never get the male gaze again! If I'm in town and think I'm getting the glad eye its often people looking at my daughter (effing pervs)

Usernameunavailableagain12 · 14/09/2025 21:36

I’ve never cared about it

Original poster
0876gyjijg · 14/09/2025 21:54

In my 20s and 30s, I definitely cared about blokes or having one in my life. Right now, what's the point. It's a bit of a shame that in our culture everything is about the nuclear family i.e. if you want to have a person close to you, it somehow equates to having sex with them. I would definitely like to have people close to me and who would support me if things get tough. But no way does this link with sex or sexuality anymore.

OP posts:
Renamedyetagain · 14/09/2025 22:15

Same age. I only care if I can manipulate them to get something I want e.g. something fixed quickly at work. Aware it wont last forever but it's been useful for so long...

SpigTheFish · 14/09/2025 22:19

Yes, it's the lack of Oestrogen. No fucks are given now about pretty much anything, especially men.

It's like the fog has lifted. Your forties really are a new beginning.

WhereAreMyKids · 14/09/2025 22:22

37 and I'm there. It's not so much the male gaze but their inherent entitlement. I'm done with so many selfish men and rude men.

smallpinecone · 14/09/2025 22:28

I’m so happy I’m not a feminist and don’t have to waste time thinking about nonsense like ‘the male gaze’ 😄

LucieChardon · 14/09/2025 22:29

I was an angry young thing as a teen and young adult, thought I had outgrown that phase when I had children. Now, with more life experience I am even more angry - at men, at society, the patriarchal system.

Once you see how our male dominated society cares so little about women, you can't unsee it. And I fucking hate men now, as a group, not as individuals.

LucieChardon · 14/09/2025 22:33

smallpinecone · 14/09/2025 22:28

I’m so happy I’m not a feminist and don’t have to waste time thinking about nonsense like ‘the male gaze’ 😄

Wow. Are you a woman? Why do you think the male gaze is nonsense? And what do you think feminism is about in general (not just about the male gaze...)? I'm very curious to understand your thinking.

Foolsgold74 · 14/09/2025 22:35

smallpinecone · 14/09/2025 22:28

I’m so happy I’m not a feminist and don’t have to waste time thinking about nonsense like ‘the male gaze’ 😄

Why are you so gleeful that you're not a feminist? Are you a woman? Do you have property? Your own bank account? Do you vote? Go out on your own in public? If so, do you realise that all of this is only possible because feminists before you fought for this stuff?

OwlBeThere · 14/09/2025 22:37

I actively try to repulse the male gaze these days. I have no wish for a man to ever come near me again. My
life is happy and full, I have no need for one.

smallpinecone · 14/09/2025 22:44

LucieChardon · 14/09/2025 22:33

Wow. Are you a woman? Why do you think the male gaze is nonsense? And what do you think feminism is about in general (not just about the male gaze...)? I'm very curious to understand your thinking.

Show quote history

I know you weren’t the poster in question, but I find it bizarre that men would be described as ‘effing pervs’ for having the audacity to look an a (presumably) attractive woman.

It was MN that really turned me off feminism. The vitriol and nastiness some self-described feminists here come out with is off the scale. There was a thread yesterday that might still be around wondering whether women should be content with equality and instead pursue revenge against men. I can’t relate to this way of thinking.

smallpinecone · 14/09/2025 22:45

Foolsgold74 · 14/09/2025 22:35

Why are you so gleeful that you're not a feminist? Are you a woman? Do you have property? Your own bank account? Do you vote? Go out on your own in public? If so, do you realise that all of this is only possible because feminists before you fought for this stuff?

Show quote history

I wouldn’t describe myself as gleeful - more thankful and relieved.

peoplegetreadyforthetrain · 14/09/2025 22:47

I see a lot of threads like this and find them interesting. I’m 38 and don’t feel like this at all yet but maybe it’s just around the corner…

PollyBell · 14/09/2025 22:51

I am older than you and dont feel like this, i dont have the men are the enemy thing that is rampant on here there are good and bad men same as women i just take people as I find them like I presume they do to me, but I have never known anyone have as many dramas as they do on here

BluePeril · 14/09/2025 22:56

smallpinecone · 14/09/2025 22:44

I know you weren’t the poster in question, but I find it bizarre that men would be described as ‘effing pervs’ for having the audacity to look an a (presumably) attractive woman.

It was MN that really turned me off feminism. The vitriol and nastiness some self-described feminists here come out with is off the scale. There was a thread yesterday that might still be around wondering whether women should be content with equality and instead pursue revenge against men. I can’t relate to this way of thinking.

Show quote history

I think you need to inform yourself about feminism.

Screamingabdabz · 14/09/2025 22:56

smallpinecone · 14/09/2025 22:44

I know you weren’t the poster in question, but I find it bizarre that men would be described as ‘effing pervs’ for having the audacity to look an a (presumably) attractive woman.

It was MN that really turned me off feminism. The vitriol and nastiness some self-described feminists here come out with is off the scale. There was a thread yesterday that might still be around wondering whether women should be content with equality and instead pursue revenge against men. I can’t relate to this way of thinking.

Show quote history

Yeah poor hard done to men… God, always a willing handmaid to weep for the menz.🙄

Thank God for feminism I say. Women with attitudes like yours ought to go and live with Taliban and see what it really means when men have ultimate power over women.

Foolsgold74 · 14/09/2025 22:56

peoplegetreadyforthetrain · 14/09/2025 22:47

I see a lot of threads like this and find them interesting. I’m 38 and don’t feel like this at all yet but maybe it’s just around the corner…

You won't at 38, as you're likely still feeling some of the benefits. Wait until you're 50 plus and then see how you feel!

Foolsgold74 · 14/09/2025 22:58

smallpinecone · 14/09/2025 22:45

I wouldn’t describe myself as gleeful - more thankful and relieved.

Show quote history

Silly, silly you in that case.

OwlBeThere · 15/09/2025 00:28

PollyBell · 14/09/2025 22:51

I am older than you and dont feel like this, i dont have the men are the enemy thing that is rampant on here there are good and bad men same as women i just take people as I find them like I presume they do to me, but I have never known anyone have as many dramas as they do on here

I can only speak for myself, but I don’t think men are the enemy. At least not men individually. I have loads of close male friends and family that I love. I just don’t feel the need to date one or be with one. It wouldn’t make my life happier in any way, and so what’s the point? I don’t care if men find me attractive, I don’t care if they think I’m a nice person, I don’t care what think about me in any way. I actively do not WANT them to find me attractive or to perceive me in any way at all really. I see the way men collectively treat women and I want no part of it. And I think that’s increasingly true for many women.

OwlBeThere · 15/09/2025 00:29

Foolsgold74 · 14/09/2025 22:56

You won't at 38, as you're likely still feeling some of the benefits. Wait until you're 50 plus and then see how you feel!

Show quote history

Hmm. I’ve felt this way since I was maybe 30. So it’s not necessarily an age thing.

Nothankyov · 15/09/2025 00:35

Bizarre thinking… I never cared about any male gaze - not in my teens, 20s or 30s… only cared about what my DH thought. Who cares what other men thought…

ILoveWhales · 15/09/2025 00:42

Having turned 45, it has dawned on me that my life is less and less centered on booked.

I don't know anyone whose life is centered on booked or what it is.

VoodooQualities · 15/09/2025 00:44

Can I just point out that 'the male gaze' doesn't mean 'men looking at us when we're out and about'.

It's a theory about how women are depicted in art and films etc.

Sorry I just had to chime in with that. As you were.

SnowFrogJelly · 15/09/2025 01:05

smallpinecone · 14/09/2025 22:44

I know you weren’t the poster in question, but I find it bizarre that men would be described as ‘effing pervs’ for having the audacity to look an a (presumably) attractive woman.

It was MN that really turned me off feminism. The vitriol and nastiness some self-described feminists here come out with is off the scale. There was a thread yesterday that might still be around wondering whether women should be content with equality and instead pursue revenge against men. I can’t relate to this way of thinking.

Show quote history

This with bells on

Some posters on here are borderline unhinged in their hatred of men

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