To no longer care about men or the male gaze

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Having turned 45, it has dawned on me that my life is less and less centered on booked. Dh and I have t been doing all that great for years, don't share a room or have sex but actually not all that bothered. Clearly it's due to the change but I just don't care about their shit anymore. As a professional woman, I interact with plenty at work. However, much of my world is now pretty female centered and that's kind of ok. Never thought that would be the case but that's kind of where am at. I could easily have half a life to go and while so much is focused on male/female dynamics, am just not bothered. Is that what most people feel after the change or just me?

It’s great l find it so librating

Single just with cats is how I’m planning my future 😊

This isn't true.

This post really isnt the flex you think it is lol

Oh?

To be fair I sometimes think I'd be less bitter if I thought like small pine cone

Am not anti-men. Just realised that they have become largely outside of my immediate life. At work, I do seem to have acquired the middle age irrelevant female status, most of my friendships by now are with other women, and I can't for the life of me be bothered about sex. I never thought it would happen so early at a point when I might have quite a few decades to go.

Thank you for proving my point!

Women like me should go and live with the Taliban 😂

I find it bizarre that men would be described as ‘effing pervs’ for having the audacity to look an a (presumably) attractive woman.

Op's point was they're effing pervs for checking out her daughter who is perhaps 14,15yo.

I don’t know what you mean by that. I’m just happy with life in general, don’t view everything through that particular prism and I’m glad not to be bitter and angry.

I don't hate men, but I do think society is set up in a way that prioritises them to the detriment of women and that pisses me off. On an individual level I like most men, I have a husband and sons but everyday sexism needs calling out.

On the male gaze thing I have never been that attractive so can't say it's bothered me one way or the other.

Being a feminist and believing in equality doesn't equate to being bitter and angry.

I think I said in a previous post that the self-described feminists on MN all appear to be so, and say dreadful things about other human beings. I don’t share their views, and don’t relate to their way of thinking.

Men have disappointed me my entire life: I had an angry, violent and inappropriate father; I was sexually assaulted at school and by someone I was dating and was subjected to the general unwanted comments and porn obsession as well as being patronised in the workplace.

I am much happier after making the decision to not date anymore and since I have started educating myself about feminism.

Once you realise how men treat women and girls across the world you simply cannot unsee the damage that patriarchy is continuing to inflict on us.

Yes, there are some individual decent men out there but I am no longer interested in trying to find them.

When I was younger I was too focused on whether I was attractive or not. These days I am happy in my own skin and could not care less about what men think of me. That's really freeing.

I'm 55 and don't feel like this AT ALL. Still have sex with DH and would really miss it if it stopped. Currently dieting for an upcoming Caribbean holiday, and I care VERY much what I look like. Got all my appointments booked for before we go, like hair cut and colour, pedicure, legs waxing, eyelash dye etc. I will do my own Gel nails. Enjoy planning my outfits - nice dresses with heels.

I think maybe you need to look at whether things are lacking in your life? Would you feel differently, if you and your husband were still sexual, and had nice things planned, for example? Are you in love with him?

If you are not happy at 45, I would suggest that you need to make changes. You are still VERY young! I felt vibrant at that age.

(should mention, I am still having periods, so who knows, maybe this will be different once I have had "the change", although I hope not)

I never gave a shit or tied any of my self worth to what men thought. My best friend does though, and she’s been pretty miserable as she ages. Hope her no more fucks to give life phase arrives soon for her.

Mid 50s and the only male gaze I care about is my husband. As long as he thinks I’m beautiful and sexy, I’m happy.

I think not caring about the male gaze and not being bothered that you and your DH have Jo sex life are too separate things.

Obviously it’s you if you don’t want or need a sex but it sounds like the DH is ripe mid life crisis age and he probably does want a sex life.

I agree it is age thing.
Not sure if it is hormones or just maturity.
I stopped bothering with men in my early 50s.
So much time, effort and angst wasted by the idea that I needed a man.
When I look back on my life all the men involved have taken far more than they gave in every possible way.

You should be angry about the dreadful things men do, and especially what they do to women. But that anger doesn’t define feminism.

Sounds like you are in a bubble. I’m very glad of feminism and if you as a woman are anti it, then I think you really don’t understand what it is. Hand over all your rights to your husband, access to women’s health and right to birth control, safety in the streets, ability to study and work - and then you can call yourself anti-feminist

I think it's sad that you and your DH aren't close.

I don't care what other men think of me, haven't done for a while. But I do have some men in my life I appreciate, who are decent; and my OH is wonderful and we enjoy time together, in all sorts of ways.

Men in society do make me upset and angry; I suppose I'm lucky.

(I'm late 50s).

I’m in my 50’s and I still get unwanted male attention. Not from young men but I reckon from 45 onwards. I’m not sure why. I don’t have my bits out for show.

I think I look after myself really well, but it’s definitely NOT for the male gaze. In fact I get annoyed if a man pays me any attention. I don’t want it.

I’m married, got a DS who is lovely, and other male relatives and friends, but outside of this I want nothing to do with men. If I were to become single I’m pretty sure I’d just make lots of effort to find female friends.

I am angry at what parents and new partners do to children, children do not have a choice men and women do in relationships

I am angry at adults who put their needs before children

Something else I dislike about feminism: the weirdly patronising and infantilising tone. You don’t understand it, you’re in a bubble… nope, just think the rhetoric here is often awful and want no part of it.

Thank God someone did. I think people thought it was literally men looking at them....

Why will you not respond though to the points that I and others have made about the freedoms that you, as a women, benefit from directly because of feminism? Do you not see that direct link? Women before us fought so that we can vote, have our own money, work, own property etc. Do you know it wasn't that long ago that rape was legal within marriage in the UK? Guess who changed that? Yes, feminists and yet you just want to sneer and mock and be entitled and think you're better than angry, bitter feminists.