Brother rang up swearing at me after I have been dog sitting for him

[Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman]

Sorry I really need to rant and also check I am not the one being unreasonable.

I will try to be as concise as possible and include the key details. At the moment I am not working for a whole host of reasons and living off savings and a small rental income. I have two secondary age kids one has some behavoral issues and the other has processing difficulties. I am doing my best to support them both as a single parent having left an abusive marriage.

My brother works full time and is older than I am by several years. His dc is at university and lives with him. She persuaded him to get a dog despite both of them being out of the house long hours and her having an active social life. The assumption was that my parents would go round and look after the dog. However they are both very elderly and have had some recent health issues. To help out I offered to do as many times a week as I could. Thought all was fine, go and feed the dog, let it out and then wait for a couple of hours to play with it and give it some company.

This weekend we were asked to do the dog. I said I would but would need to take my youngest son and would be a bit later as he had some activities but I would do both days. No problem - rushed to get there and spent time to look after the dog including picking up mess from the garden. Son went to watch tv. He made his own profile on their Netflix. Didn't think much about it.

Came home had dinner - all seemed fine. Then in the evening I get a call from my brother. He is shouting and swearing at me saying my son has changed his Netflix password. I was so shocked I started apologising and went to ask my son if he had. He said no he only created a profile. I said I believed him and said I don't think he did. He was still cussing and swearing at me the whole time. I came off the phone in shock. It triggered a lot of the feelings I had in my relationship when my ex would blow up for no reason.

Apparently his daughter had been on the phone complaining she could not login to Netflix abroad. But we had done nothing to his account. And even if my son had by accident changed something I don't think it needed him to shout and swear at me telling me not to touch anything in the fing house etc. I was doing him a favour! I was spending my time on a regular basis looking after his dog! I don't have a dog of my own due to not living in my own house right now and not being sure I can guarentee the time once I am able to work again. He took a dog on knowing he wasn't at home. And I was happy to help! Also I don't think you can even change a netflix password on the TV and if he did somehow manage to wouldn't the account holder get an email telling them this.

I sent a message to him saying it was better if I did not dog sit again and I would only go into his house from now on when he was there in order to avoid touching anything myself or my kids.

He sent a very short message telling me okay he should not have spoken to me like this. I accepted the apology but said I would not be dog sitting any more. This means my parents will now have to do it. Around the same time he phoned me my mother got a message from his daughter saying she had seen on face time that someone had pulled up one of her plants. She very passively aggressively told her that she was very upset and took a long time to calm down. Instructing her in future not to touch any plants etc. My mum had pulled up the plant as the dog was trying to eat it and it was poisonous to dogs. Again someone doing them a favour and being told off like a very naughty child for trying to help.

I am really angry today. I also feel guilty as I don't want the dog to be left alone but I don't want to go in the house either in case I damage or do something and get told off again!. Also my elderly parents will now have to go over most days to look after the dog which is a big stress on them. I don't want to come between my brother and my parents as they are very close to him. But part of me wants to tell them to say get a professional dog sitter and sort it out yourself.

So am I being unreasonable to not look after the dog anymore and to be angry with my brother and niece. Should I just accept it and continue to help out. I feel they don't actually want me in their house or my kids so I don't even know if they want me to help out.

Or am I reasonable and my brother was out of order in how he treated me and my son?

There’s no way in hell that I’d look after the dog again, if your parents have any sense neither would they. It seems your brother and his dc wanted a dog but neither want the responsibility of taking care of it, bloody irresponsible idiots the pair of them.

No it doesn't.

Firstly I would tell your niece to get over herself about the plant and not speak to your mum that way ever again considering she was protecting the dog .
As for your brother I would broach it with him face to face and say how hurt you feel at his reaction and that it's not fair on mum and dad to be calling in on the dog it's too much for them and get a professional dog walker /sitter.
Cheek of the pair of them .

You're right to be angry and I wouldn't have been so explanatory, I would have told him to fuck off. Your son hasn't done anything wrong either - my sister came to cat sit for me earlier this year and also created her own netflix profile, for exactly the same reason. Totally normal thing to do, don't accept otherwise.

Agree with this as actually, if I was getting free dog sitting (thus saving me a tonne of money) and it meant my sibling and child spending time hanging around my home the least I could do is allow the to watch my tv and set up a profile and have the occasional drink.

He sounds quite horrible OP.

@Blushingm
"He’s over reacted but why did your done feel he could go and mess with their Netflix, or even make himself a profile at someone else’s house?"

Because children sometimes do things like that and they were in the house doing the brother a massive favour. I mean, it's a pathetically small inconvenience in exchange for free, trustworthy dog sitting. I feel sorry for the poor dog belonging to such a colossal prick.

Oh for goodness sake 🙄

If it was my nephew why not. I really can't see the big deal. It's not like it cost anything.

Even if it did, a few quid for a film 🤷‍♀️. If you're going to be that tight you shouldn't expect people to do you favours either.

Your son creating another profile would be a non issue to anyone with an ounce of sense. MN is a strange place sometimes.

RTFT.

No more free labour for them! They can get a dog sitter. Rude CFs

They are a weirdo though to make such a fuss about something so minor when it was done by a young nephew while his mother was doing the uncle a favour for which he should rather be grateful rather than rude. It's pathetic behaviour.

Your point being what? Did I miss where he broke something?

It wouldn't bother me. It's easily deleted and I'd like to think it was a small thing I could do to assist someone who is doing me a massive favour.

It wasn’t bad. He’s a kid and your DBs nephew. If any of my nieces and nephews were in my house and did that or downloaded a free app, or did anything that wasn’t cheeky like buying something on my account it wouldn’t even occur to me to be annoyed, if I thought he’d accidentally changed the password I’d calmly ask what it was so I could change it back and maybe say don’t change settings next time but I wouldn’t be telling a kid off and especially not their mum.

I've replied to similar comments already.

I agree that he sounds an unpleasant person, and, as already stated, is looking for something/anything to freak out over!

I bet he regrets being such a twat now you’re not doing him a favour.

My brother can be like this, explosive. He will take slight about something and then go mad my mum mostly. I went LC with him in my early 20s but I’ve gotten close to two of his daughters and so didn’t go NC. He misunderstood something recently and just blew up at me and that was the last straw and I’ve gone NC now. I’m not having anyone shouting and swearing at me, as he calms down quickly and just expects everyone to be ok because he’s now ok. He’s vile

You were totally right to tell him you’re not dig sitting again.

But please can you also drop the guilt of ‘my elderly parents will have to do it now’.
They don’t. They can say NO just like you’ve done. Looking after the dog is their CHOICE too.

I mean who gets a dog knowing they won’t be able to look after it and except their elderly parents to step in?
It’s your brother’s dog. Up to him to find a dog sitter or doggy daycare fur it. Like he should have right from the start (or even better, not get a dog….)

Aren't some people awful. You can change a password. Log out, log in with your own password. Netflix are funny I was paying for family membership. Son went to university all was well then Netflix kept locking him out because of the one household rule.

Now if I pop round to babysit grandson load up my Netflix they got arsy for a while and they're in the house behind ours. They then threw me off if I went from the sitting room to the bedroom. From TV to phone. I got fed up was going to cancel, then it all stopped. G

Your brother is an ungrateful prick and his daughter is a spoilt brat. I’d fuck off the pair of them

If someone was trying to log on to Netflix from somewhere else, at the same time as your son, Netflix would have realised it was being used like this.

That’s awful, he’s behaved in an appalling way, all over a Netflix account? Even if your son had changed the password (I doubt it! Surely you need the password first to then change it?) and been a bit cheeky in doing so there’s no excuse for his behaviour towards you. He should have just called up and said “I think little x has changed the Netflix password on our TV, are you alright to have a chat with him and clear it up?” And then left you to deliver consequences and chat to your son about his behaviour

By the way, very much sounds like this isn’t the case re him changing the password, sounds like they have one of those accounts where you can only have so many profiles or something? Could that have logged him out when his daughter tried to log in? I’m not very technical but I’m sure Netflix is a pain for making you pay for more accounts/devices.

I wouldn’t dog sit for him again and suggest he pays for a dog walker/sitter. Really he should have been paying you for your time anyway, especially given you seem to go above and beyond for him and this dog by staying to give it company etc!

I’m wondering if something else is going on here because his reaction just seems completely disproportionate. If I was him and genuinely thought my nephew had changed the password I’d be a bit miffed but would never behave in that way and would just call my brother and get it sorted

I feel sorry for the poor dog! Nobody wants to look after him!

Surely he must have known in the end he was wrong, else he would've needed your son to give him the new password? Or if it really was so easy to change it then why couldn't he just change it straight back again?

Him and his daughter sound like a couple of twats. If they CBA to care for the dog they should re-home it. it's nothing whatsoever to do with you or your parents. Definitely no more favours for them.