Brother rang up swearing at me after I have been dog sitting for him

[Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman]

Sorry I really need to rant and also check I am not the one being unreasonable.

I will try to be as concise as possible and include the key details. At the moment I am not working for a whole host of reasons and living off savings and a small rental income. I have two secondary age kids one has some behavoral issues and the other has processing difficulties. I am doing my best to support them both as a single parent having left an abusive marriage.

My brother works full time and is older than I am by several years. His dc is at university and lives with him. She persuaded him to get a dog despite both of them being out of the house long hours and her having an active social life. The assumption was that my parents would go round and look after the dog. However they are both very elderly and have had some recent health issues. To help out I offered to do as many times a week as I could. Thought all was fine, go and feed the dog, let it out and then wait for a couple of hours to play with it and give it some company.

This weekend we were asked to do the dog. I said I would but would need to take my youngest son and would be a bit later as he had some activities but I would do both days. No problem - rushed to get there and spent time to look after the dog including picking up mess from the garden. Son went to watch tv. He made his own profile on their Netflix. Didn't think much about it.

Came home had dinner - all seemed fine. Then in the evening I get a call from my brother. He is shouting and swearing at me saying my son has changed his Netflix password. I was so shocked I started apologising and went to ask my son if he had. He said no he only created a profile. I said I believed him and said I don't think he did. He was still cussing and swearing at me the whole time. I came off the phone in shock. It triggered a lot of the feelings I had in my relationship when my ex would blow up for no reason.

Apparently his daughter had been on the phone complaining she could not login to Netflix abroad. But we had done nothing to his account. And even if my son had by accident changed something I don't think it needed him to shout and swear at me telling me not to touch anything in the fing house etc. I was doing him a favour! I was spending my time on a regular basis looking after his dog! I don't have a dog of my own due to not living in my own house right now and not being sure I can guarentee the time once I am able to work again. He took a dog on knowing he wasn't at home. And I was happy to help! Also I don't think you can even change a netflix password on the TV and if he did somehow manage to wouldn't the account holder get an email telling them this.

I sent a message to him saying it was better if I did not dog sit again and I would only go into his house from now on when he was there in order to avoid touching anything myself or my kids.

He sent a very short message telling me okay he should not have spoken to me like this. I accepted the apology but said I would not be dog sitting any more. This means my parents will now have to do it. Around the same time he phoned me my mother got a message from his daughter saying she had seen on face time that someone had pulled up one of her plants. She very passively aggressively told her that she was very upset and took a long time to calm down. Instructing her in future not to touch any plants etc. My mum had pulled up the plant as the dog was trying to eat it and it was poisonous to dogs. Again someone doing them a favour and being told off like a very naughty child for trying to help.

I am really angry today. I also feel guilty as I don't want the dog to be left alone but I don't want to go in the house either in case I damage or do something and get told off again!. Also my elderly parents will now have to go over most days to look after the dog which is a big stress on them. I don't want to come between my brother and my parents as they are very close to him. But part of me wants to tell them to say get a professional dog sitter and sort it out yourself.

So am I being unreasonable to not look after the dog anymore and to be angry with my brother and niece. Should I just accept it and continue to help out. I feel they don't actually want me in their house or my kids so I don't even know if they want me to help out.

Or am I reasonable and my brother was out of order in how he treated me and my son?

*notacooldad · Today 16:59

I can understand why you would feel bad for the dog, but its on them. I wouldn't be rushing round to help people who my favours back in my face
I missed a word out! ' I wouldn't be rushing round to help people who my threw favours back in my face*
I'm sure you got the point though!!

I feel sorry for you, and the dog. You can walk away but the poor dog can't. He needs to get a dog walker in the day at the very least.

I guess we are all different as I couldn't care less if my nephew added a new profile for himself on my Netflix. Its a family member in my house for a reason. If he's watching Netflix and if this is likely to be a regular occurrence then I would not mind at all, but if I did mind I would just quietly delete the profile not rage at his mum.

YNBU If your parents decide to help him, that's their responsibility, not yours. You can't control any of their actions, only yours, and you've been more than generous only to be repaid with abuse.

When it's a child in the family and they are spending a lot of time there because their Mother is doing you a favour and it's saved you thousands of pounds, it's exceptionally outside of what's normal, to be angry about it. I have to allow another £350 every time I go on holiday for pet sitting. That's without the daily visits the OP is doing. As said, the pair of them will find out how bloody ungrateful they've been.

YANBU and for the record, I'm surprised people are saying it's rude to create a profile. This isn't like adding a new account or anything, it's just your son being considerate and making sure what he watched didn't impact their recommendations or which episodes are marked as watched. I would MUCH rather a guest who was in my house and doing me a favour do this than to mess up my existing profiles. Your brother sounds crazy.

it wouldn't bother me at all if my family added a profile on Netflix. I've had friends of my children on there before!

“Your bloody son” sounds like resentment that’s been brewing.

You said one of your DCs have behavioural issues. Is there a back story or any other instances like this?

As stated, I think the brother is just looking for something to be annoyed about. 😒

OP said so to not interfere with any programs or settings that uncle may already have.

Making an account on an uncles Netflix isn't a big deal in my opinion.

Was your brother abusive when you were growing up as well as this latest outburst? He sounds like a right bully. Makes me wonder whether growing up with an abusive sibling predisposed you to the abusive relationship you had previously. His reaction was ridiculous - really uncivilised and uncalled for. YANBU. Also they should NOT have got a dog in the first place, knowing that they would have to rely on everyone else including elderly parents to look after it.

Out of interest Op, what happened to his partner?

Sorry I pressed the wrong button in the vote. YANBU.

I did this recently whilst staying for a week with a friend. She said I could use her Netflix, and rather than ruining all her bookmarks to her programmes, I added a profile. It's easy to do and there is a prompt for it on the home screen.
Your son was actually incredibly responsible, mature and grown up for doing that! Most adults would just have gone in and watched my favourite programmes on my profile leaving me with no idea where I left off. This has happened too many times and is most annoying.🤣🤣

Netflix have got very strict about logging on abroad if you are not the account holder. You have to tick a box and a code will be sent to the account holder's phone. Maybe that was the problem for the daughter.
Even if that was the issue, it could be discussed nicely and resolved.

I've already replied to similar comments. RTFT.

"I get a call from my brother. He is shouting and swearing at me saying my son has changed his Netflix password. I was so shocked I started apologising ...He was still cussing and swearing at me the whole time. I came off the phone in shock. It triggered a lot of the feelings I had in my relationship when my ex would blow up for no reason."

OP you asked even if your son had messed up Netflix (its been established that he didnt) is it OK for him to speak to you like that. Absolutely NOT! The next time he starts at you HANG UP and text him that he is being abusive and you won't put up with it.. .or walk out of the room/party/family gathering.

You say you are always the first to apologise. You've been trained to do that. It triggered you. No one has the right to do that. I do wonder if you put up with your ex 's abuse because you were so used to it within your own family.

I think you accepted his apology too soon and lets face it, he only apologises because he's lost his free dog sitter who he can scream and shout at.
I'd be texting him with screenshots of the new Netflix things and saying next time he wants to kick off about something he needs to get his facts straight. And don't ever refer to your child as "your bloody son". I'd be telling him he needs to treat you and your parents, who are always helping him out, with a bit more respect. Don't weaken, He may push back but you have to shug your shoulders and say "So What!

He was getting free labour out of you, which you did to stop him imposing on your poor parents. Send him some local dog sitting prices and let him think about how much free labour he's just been squeezing out of all of you.

He's an entitled CF... Stop running around after him. The DD is just as bad. Your DM needs to text your brother that the DD should apologise for her nasty messages. Your DM was trying to protect the dog from a poisonous plant ( she should have binned it. Tell her to ask your DB how he'd have like the vets bill or the dog being seriously ill or dying. Even if your DM was in the wrong, it is very disrespectful way to treat her Grandmother.

Your DB is a spoilt brat and you need to start focusing on yourself and your son and putting both of you first.

@Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman Your brother sounds like the type of person who has never had any real problems, which is why he thinks that something as trivial as not being able to log into Netflix is justification for having a complete psychotic meltdown.

Your parents should tell him they can’t manage anymore and he will have to pay a professional dog sitter. His problem not yours or your parents.

Can’t believe they complained about your son watching Netflix and you drinking two glasses of juice when you were at their house for 2 hours doing them a favour!
I would rather your son created his own Netflix profile so it doesn’t affect favourites etc like you say

It’s brilliant that you have said you won’t dog sit again. He must be stewing for causing problems for himself by kicking off unnecessary at you.

Sorry, but your Brother and his daughter sound like twats with an entitlement complex.

Don't dogs it for him again. Suggest to your parents that they shouldn't either. But if they choose to, let them, just let them crack on.

Give yourself a break OP.

You're focusing on the wrong thing here. It's incredibly irritating that you won't let it drop. Are you always like this?

I'd much prefer him to set up a profile than watch from my account.

Your parents have taught your brother to treat you like you're completely insignificant and that you're all there for his convenience. It's their own fault. Poor dog though :(

Your brother is a knob who thinks kindness only flows one way - to him.

I share my streaming password apps with my nieces and nephews. They have the password to my Disney+ and NOW apps. I would let them have Netflix too if I could.

Your brother is knob for begrudging your nephew something which is effectively is free to lend.