To be angry with DH for not coming home?

[Coffeeoftheworld]

DH is on a 3 week work trip in Australia, he’s been out there for a week and has 2 more weeks to go. Our DD was admitted to hospital on Friday and DH is refusing to come home to see DD in hospital. He is just saying he “can’t abandon work” and that his boss will be “unhappy” with him if he comes home early. AIBU to he angry with DH for not coming home? DD is asking for him in hospital too and is really ill. I travel for work too sometimes but I would absolutely come home immediately if DD had been taken in to hospital whilst I was away, no matter how unhappy my boss would be with me for coming home. The most that DH has said is to send him “updates” on how DD gets on in hospital. I feel like he doesn’t care about her, he’s always been such a good husband and such a good dad but this makes me feel like he doesn’t care. He also won’t FaceTime her because of “the time difference” between the UK and Australia!

I'd be telling him not to bother coming back from his work trip.
Seriously, your child will be in hospital for a week and he can't even be bothered to get up in the night to FaceTime her UK time?
Sorry but he is NOT a father.

Yeah, he’s hiding something isn’t he. He’s either not there, there with someone or similar

I wouldn’t expect my husband home if not life threatening but the face time
is definitely out of order. He needs to rest 😡 . Surely if it’s the middle of the night for him he can set an alarm, face time and then go back to sleep. Sounds like his boss would understand this at the very least. The not face timing things rings alarm bells. As others say I would go no contact and concentrate your time on your both your daughters if he does text/call you.

Ive read all your updates and this sounds very odd. The fact he won’t communicate with you on camera, the fact he’s being so selfish and shutting you down etc etc. I’m sorry but it all screams affair. Yes he’s at work but could he also be meeting a colleague out there?
Focus on your daughter and yourself but seriously consider checking the family finances and your position as when he’s back a serious conversation is definitely in order.
Let’s face it most parents, dad or mum, would hate the idea of a child sick in hospital and would want to be there. The fact it isn’t life threatening doesn’t matter. I wonder if he’s even told his boss and colleagues as if someone I worked with (also good job) disclosed their 7 year old daughter was back at home country in hospital and they wanted to keep working Id be really surprised and tbh have serious doubts what sort of man or woman they were to prioritise work over family. But I do suspect there will be OW here if this is behaviour change!

That is very bizarre tbh. It's one thing if he can't physically be here but to not want even video call? That's insensitive to another level and I would have a serious discussion about his commitment to his family when he is back.

It’s odd that he won’t FaceTime, but he will take a voice call.

Are you sure that he:

• has definitely gone to Australia
• is working with colleagues
• is staying alone

Are you SURE he is in Australia?
Why will he answer an audio call but not FaceTime?
This all sounds very shady OP and I would be changing the locks on any bastard who refused to FaceTime his own child in hospital whilst 'abroad'.

That's what I was thinking 🤔

if it’s a chronic illness and she’s prone to admissions then j wouldn’t expect him to rush back sorry: you said it’s not life threatening so just a flare of whatever she has. I have a chronic condition and wouldn’t expect my parents to forever drop work and be there: she has you she’ll be fine. He does however need to FaceTime her and not be so selfish.

I'm guessing he just doesn't want to lose his job and if you're there to look after dd, she doesn't need both of you off work and losing money and risking getting sacked for taking too much time off work. I'm sure it's hard but your dd has you there with her and she's old enough to understand "dad is away with his job" and will be back soon.

THIS

This is far more bizarre and concerning than refusing to fly home

To be honest, and Im not a LTB poster, but this would be unforgivable in my marriage.

There is nothing that would stop either myself or my DH from getting the first plane home. For him not to even spoken to his boss about it, or regularly facetime his DD whilst he is refusing to come home, especially when she's asking for him, is not something I could ever get over.

He is showing you right now who he is - he prioritises his work over his family. And I could never forgive that.

I'm unsure on the coming home part although personally I'd be dropping everything to rush back and see my child if it were me in this scenario but I think the not face timing is disgusting. His child is in hospital and asking for him, he can put up with being a bit tired to call her at a reasonable time.

So sorry you're going through this OP I don't think I'd ever be able to look at him the same way again

I voted YABU because your daughter has a parent with her in hospital and your other daughter is being looked after by your best friend. It's for a chronic illness, she hasn't suddenly had an horrific accident and about to die and he's on the other side of the world!

The only issue I see here is that he really should be making an effort to FaceTime his DD during his rest time. That's the only not ok thing here.

I do think you're unreasonable for expecting his company to spend thousands of pounds bringing him home early, and for being angry at him and expecting him to abandon the work reason that's keeping him out there for three weeks.

As long as your child has one parent with her, that means she's being well supported.

My newborn was admitted to hospital for a week (not life-threatening) and my husband at the time worked away Mon-Fri across the country. It never occurred to me to demand he come back to sit with us in the hospital. It wouldn't have made her better.

I get that your daughter is asking to see her daddy, but as her mother you just need to explain again that he's the other side of the world for work and it's not possible for him to come back, and that she will see him as soon as he gets back.

I’d call his boss myself. He doesn’t get to not be a father. To not even want to see her over FaceTime is shitty and shameful.

I think, given that it’s part of an ongoing condition for your daughter, it’s not hugely unreasonable to not come home from Australia. It’s MASSIVELY unreasonable for your DH to not even manage a FaceTime though. The whole attitude from him sounds like he’s completely checked out, you’re out of sight, so out of his mind. He absolutely could make time for a call / FaceTime for his 7 yr old DD. He just can’t be arsed.

I think I would go down this route too! Also makes his boss aware of the situation of everything is above board and he's just a selfish pig

The refusing to call or FaceTime would have him slapped with divorce papers if it were me. I would be deeply suspicious about his sleeping arrangements atm.

No one works this hard and can't take time to speak to his wife and sick daughter. I think i would text him to tell him you are about to start divorce proceedings and ask if he wants the papers served by text. I wonder what his boss thinks of his behaviour? Is she in Australia with him? Something smells off.

OP he's literally giving you and your DD the bare minimum at the moment which must raise the question of why he's doing this

I'd be delving a little deeper if I were you as things aren't adding up

"Resting" my arse....

I wouldn't ever forgive this. Not coming back, fine but not supporting you and not talking to the DC, unforgivable.

If our kids had a cold or for no reason DH would be face timing from Aus to chat or cheer them up if they needed it. What a knob your DH seems to be. Too tired to talk to her? Ridiculous.
Your little one will remember this which is very sad. Don’t bad mouth him to her though. Bring in extra treats.
Message him and ask specifically why he won’t answer her requests to chat to him.
How were things between you before he went away?

Something very wrong if he won't even facetime. Sorry you have to deal with him as well as everything else. I would never forgive him for his selfishness.

Voice calls consume little bandwidth.
Video calls consume a lot.

Kinda depends on whether he is allowed to use WiFi in Australia. I know my roaming charges are very expensive outside of Europe.

And if he's working with a business phone, then there may be rules about how much of a bill you can run up