Parents said my maternity photos were “erotic”

[Ttcgirl89]

I had maternity photos taken on the beach when I was pregnant. I live in Australia and am from NZ and recently my parents came to visit us and meet our baby. I was looking through photos and my dad said that the maternity photos were “erotic” and my stepmum agreed. My brother asked what we were talking about and my Dad was like “you don’t wanna look at them, they’ll make you blush”.

I sent the photos to them after I had them done months ago and I thought they were so lovely and special. They were taken at “our beach” where my husband and I swim in summer I am wearing a dress in all of the photos and my bra is covered, with the buttons down the front undone to show the belly. My husband and I don’t see anything erotic about these photos at all and I was shocked that they thought that. I feel really awkward and embarrassed now that I sent them to them if that’s what they thought about them!

Is this a weird reaction to seeing your daughter’s maternity pictures?

I'm looking forward to visiting Perth for the first time next year. Everyone says it's lovely.

Well, I suppose it’s a (slight) change from the type of black and white soft-focus photos of the whole family romping on the beach (dad and existing children in white shirts and jeans and gazing ecstatically at the bump, pregnant woman in a white bandeau top, bump exposed, looking as if she possesses Mysterious Serenity) that everyone in Dubai appeared to have hanging in their houses at one point.

This. Who is interested in other people’s baby bumps? 🤷‍♀️

@GarlicPint those who would 'rather not see' a pregnancy bump can only be coming from one of two perspectives: either they're shocked by the evidence you've had sex (bizarre, especially if you're married) or they cannot bear the sight of a woman whose belly is not flat.

What limited thinking, especially when people have given different reasons.

I dont know really.I mean if anyone showed me some I would be polite but I do think its a bit "look at me" really .Maybe just for you and Hubby to see

No, they haven't. At least one critic literally said it's advertising that you've had sex. The other remarks have been along the lines that it's vulgar or chavvy (a judgement without reason), or that pregnancy is private. Private?? With a bloody great bulge sticking out in front?!

These boil down to the prim, old-fashioned sense of indecency which basically shamed women for being pregnant (while encouraging them to have babies).

Some individuals, certainly, disapprove of any 'displays' of flesh between the shoulders and the knees. Weird of them but, of course, they wouldn't like to see anyone's torso regardless of condition. I don't think the PPs reviling pregnancy photos are such prudes.

But you said they could only be coming from one of two perspectives. People have described various different ones, none of which are the ones you thought up. Either you’re not reading the replies or you haven’t understood them, or maybe you secretly agree with the version you put forward.

Right. It's not about showing that you have a pregnancy bump. For me, there is nothing improper or gross about showing a naked belly. I do think that posing naked, in your underwear or part--undressed crosses a line into portraying an intimate moment that would be better not shared with parents.

I am just thinking how thankful this thread has made me, that I have never heard either my father - or FIL - utter the word ‘erotic.’

TBH OP I think it’s that we’re used to seeing these photos on IG and FB and know visible flesh and erotica aren’t necessarily one and the same (I mean, a lot of the response is down to the individual but it’s not the vibe I get from them). I’d say erotic material has the intention of creating a sexual response in the viewer. This ain’t that.

I wonder if he misspoke and meant ‘intimate’ cos the word ‘erotic’ is making it weirder than it needs to be. I don’t think people always think about word choice or the emotions created by their words. I would just say hey ho, not everything is for everyone. You’ve said they’re a bit prudish, how will they cope with the nudity aspect BFing (if that’s something you choose to do)? My FIL was very strange about it.

My brother and SIL had a maternity photo shoot more than 20 years ago in the USA. Some of the photos were (and maybe still are) framed on the wall in their house.

I remember thinking it was a bit odd at the time but it wasn’t so much the concept of a maternity shoot in itself that seemed odd, it was the fact that her shirt was unbuttoned in some of them. So SIL and bro were fully clothed apart from her big bump being exposed. And some of the photos had them caressing it etc. I don't think these kind of photos are erotic but I do think they’re quite intimate.

FWIW I think pregnant women are beautiful and it’s lovely to have some photos of that time (I’ve never seen a photo of my mum pregnant). But it’s the bare bump that seems strange and slightly dissonant to me.

It’s also worth considering how old your parents are OP. I’m in my late 40s and when I was a child it wasn’t the done thing at all to even buy presents for babies until they arrived, as it was considered bad luck. So some older attitudes to pregnancy are probably still kicking around.

X-posted - I agree with the two posts above mine. It’s the bareness of the bump and potentially the word he meant was intimate

I really love that you did a sketch 😂

I don't think you can generalise like that - as with everything in the world, some will like and some will not like!

The only reason I'm following this thread is because I'd been hoping for an answer to this question!

Likewise.

That's how it is done, the dress is open from bust downwards, revealing the abdomen. You usually cannot see the knickers so looks teasingly bare. Completely unnecessary in my opinion but seems to be a modern thing in some quarters.

This gets weirder and weirder. Unless you’re some kind of pregnancy fetishist, ‘teasingly bare’ isn’t something I’ve ever thought about anyone’s pregnant bump.

And doesn’t it jist look like you’ve had a wardrobe malfunction and burst out of your dress?

I wouldn't have thought of it except that I read those words, or similar, to describe someone who posed for a pregnancy photo. I thought it was odd and then remarks from men made my eyes widen :-).

I think a dress or negligee, whatever, parted all the way down from under the bust would look more deliberate than a wardrobe malfunction. Buttons do pop open sometimes, I can remember that happening with school blouses, but not a whole outfit being open. It's designed that way.and if the bump is big, it looks as though she is not wearing undercrackers.

It actually looks funny to me but I'm an old woman, not a bloke.

I honestly don’t think there’s anything nice about a pregnancy bump. It’s a natural process that nobody should be ashamed of and the end result is worth it but what it does to the body is grotesque!

I feel this way too about pregnancy. I always viewed it with a level of horror, as something to be endured. It doesn’t help that I’ve been extremely sick throughout with no sign of let-up as I approach the end. Even before I was pregnant though, I saw it as at best a very unpleasant process and at worst a horrendous one, and not something that I would choose to do if there was any other way to get to the end product. I am pleased that for others it isn’t like this of course but I think the divided opinions partly come from
people having such different pregnancy experiences.

@Ttcgirl89 I have heard of these shoots in the UK but they’re maybe less common.
It’s not for me but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a maternity shoot done privately for the parents to look back on (and to be shared with grandparents should they be so inclined!! - I think mine would be a wee bit uncomfortable 😂).

One thing I do think though is that some people do view pregnant women erotically. This is definitely a view that exists! I wonder if, even subconsciously, some people make a link between pregnancy, fertility and an erotic idea.

Here's one I saw earlier :). It is relatively demure:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DKZ5_hIMsnl/

I think pregnant women can look lovely and there's nothing wrong with ordinary photos of them, even on a beach or in the sea in a bathing costume. but the posed ones with an outfit cut to deliberately show their belly is quite OTT. However most don't do that, it must cost quite a bit for a start, so no worries.

the end result is worth it but what it does to the body is grotesque!

I sadly agree after two torturous pregnancies.

Interesting that people have written "distended stomach" - quite opposite from being distended, the stomach gets squashed into the ribcage along with most other organs. The bladder gets terribly compressed (I had recurring UTIs in my second pregnancy and haven't fully recovered). The list goes on. Nearly 2y after my last pregnancy, things still aren't back to normal

Body goes back to normal afterwards though, how long it takes varies of course but it does unless you are very unlucky.

I really love that you did a sketch

Really wish Mumsnet gave out awards, as that sketch is A+++. @Viot, that was so very well done. Also hoping for an answer as to which option it was!