Should I stop what I’m doing to rescue him?

[Typicalwave]

My partner has gone out without his keys again and is knocking on the door. He does this every time he takes our dog gif a walk. We have a spare key in a lock box. He refuses to yse it. He thinks I should stop what I’m doing and find and let him in each time. He thinks im lazy and unreasonable to expect a man in his 50’s to take his keys or use the spare key tgat we have for incidents such as this.

AIBU to tell him to take his keys/use the spare?

Thanks all. Glad to know I’m not lazy/selfish wtc for being unwilling to stop cleaning/cooking/working/relaxing to open the door for him bevause he’s just trying to prove a point.

We quite often go out without the keys and let one another in, or open the door while the other person is finding their key. Never thought of it as an issue.

so what happened in the end? is he still knocking?

More than likely he will continue, yes.

He's been on the doorstep knocking on the door since 8.50am until 7.30pm?

No.

But I’m sure it will continue, just like all of the other stuff.

Did you open the door for him or did he behave like a decent human being?

I think you're justified to be annoyed and to ignore him. As long as doing so doesn't put your safety at risk.

He wasn't locked out, he was just point scoring.

Tip of the iceberg then.

That's absolutely weird and really really annoying behaviour!

I think the point that is trying to be made , op, is that you leave him knocking. We are not asking if he will keep knocking each time. I think we have gathered that he is trying to make a point.

You know he will always keep knocking, so there is no need going after 5 mins or 15 mins to open the door because he knows how long to keep going before you give in.

If he does it again, just leave him there. Next time if he thinks he will be knocking for hours before he has to eventually use the key in the lock box to let himself in, he will think twice.

He has got to learn that he is not the only one that can prove a point.

yes, that was my question.

@Typicalwave how did it end in this instance? Because according to what happened, you can start to implement changes (or the Ducks In Row protocol)

I opened it.

Can I ask how long you’ve been married, and when you stopped instinctively feeling like showing kindness and grace towards him?

And when he started doing this sort of thing ‘with everything, to prove he’s right and you’re wrong’?

You don’t like each other.

I am stubborn and petty so I Would. Not. Open it. If he kept this up I’d probably message his family WhatsApp saying emergency emergency dh is outside knocking because he doesn’t like using the lockbox!! I’m not his personal butler and I don’t drop whatever I’m doing to let him in, could someone please advise him? The lockbox is … in case he needs reminding.

id give them a heads up this scenario was coming their way next time I saw them…

Bucket of water from upstairs window

I expect it was when he started treating her as available to him whenever it suits him for very minor tasks every other adult or child over 14 masters for themselves?

OP is nbu and I suspect her DH is looking to be greeted home and possibly thanked by OP for doing the dog walk?

Ugh I hate this. My oldest DS would regularly go out without a key and expect me to drop what I’m doing (I work at home doing a messy job and often have hands covered in sticky stuff, and have to open the door with my elbow), or it always seems to be when I’m on the loo and I have to rush to finish, then answer door while pulling up trousers before running back to flush and wash. Drove me mad. Now he’s moved out it’s one less thing that causes me stress. It just showed a massive lack of respect for my time and energy tbh.

Your H is a selfish dick but if you give in and open it you are showing him, like with training a dog or cat, if you just pester me for long enough I’ll give in. I’d tell him you’re fucked off with it, next time you will not answer the door AT ALL and he needs to use the two keys available to him rather than waste your time. And stick to it. Do NOT open that door no matter how long he knocks.

Next time he goes out without keys just go out yourself.

A solo cinema trip where you turn off your phone sounds ideal

This is like the 4th or 5th thread I've read about blokes going out without keys. Is it a control thing for some men?

Why did you tolerate this?

Tell him if he doesn't want to take a key then he can 1) hide a key or 2) change the lock for a fingerprint smart lock so he doesn't need a key (presumably he has his fingers with him at all times).

This is one of those "not your problem but he's making it your problem" situations.

Well, he would be back to square one.

I'd go in the bathroom, lock the door and run a bath, and stick an audio book on loud. I would do this every time he did it, and he would work it out in the end.

He’ll continue this behaviour as long as you enable it. My ex used to borrow money off me every Friday to go to the pub with his mates and cba to get his own cash out. I stopped giving it.
Stop opening the door to him.

TBH I didn’t ‘tolerate’ it, I fought against it every time, told him how selfish it was, he’d promise to remember but never did.

One time I was in London for the day and he called me to say he had no key. I asked what exactly he expected me to do about that as I wasn’t there.

He moaned he only had 5% phone battery - again, how is that my problem?! I suggested he knock at a neighbour/friend to use a charger. He sat outside in the snow for 3 hours instead. That boy was stubborn AF!

Luckily he’s grown into a slightly more sensible adult, but I have warned his GF that he’s not easy to live with.