Should I stop what I’m doing to rescue him?

[Typicalwave]

My partner has gone out without his keys again and is knocking on the door. He does this every time he takes our dog gif a walk. We have a spare key in a lock box. He refuses to yse it. He thinks I should stop what I’m doing and find and let him in each time. He thinks im lazy and unreasonable to expect a man in his 50’s to take his keys or use the spare key tgat we have for incidents such as this.

AIBU to tell him to take his keys/use the spare?

Has he told you the reason why he won’t take them?

My husband hates the feeling of things in his pocket so doesn’t take his but I’ve never thought of answering the door as an issue tbh.

It is controlling manipulative behaviour by an abusive man. I bet my last penny he does other abusive things that you have ignored over the years due to it gradually becoming worse.

You cannot change him so you can only change your reactions to his controlling behaviour. Either grey rock or leave as anything else feeds into this abusive dynamic.

Do you want to leave? Do you know how to grey rock?

If I wasn’t working I would just open the door. Wouldn’t think twice about it. If I was working I would leave him to work it out.

Can you time a locksmith to coincide with the next dog walk?

I'd be knocking that on the head very quickly (see what I did.. ). Let him knock for another 5 minutes.

What other delightful little habits does he have, I'd lay odds there's a few.

I never take my keys. Husband just opens the door for me …. I’m not sure what the issue is.

Zumba fitness classes at home could be your friend. Get a Zumba DVD [2015], turn the music right up. You won't hear him knocking... you won't hear him screaming... while you dance your tits off! Let's get this party started!

I don’t think this is about the keys really, is it?
You sound like you actively dislike each other! 🤷🏼‍♀️

Let him knock.

You are not his service human. It's got fuck all to do with 'being lazy'. He is responsible for himself.

Headphones on. Deny all knowledge.

My adult dd consistently forgot to take a key with her, despite my telling her again and again - she so often phoned to ask us to leave a key under the mat when coming home late. It’s the first place burglars look, so I really disliked doing it.

The only thing that finally cured her, was once coming home unexpectedly in the afternoon, expecting me to be in - only I wasn’t. And she was desperate for a poo!

This makes no sense. How can he think him losing his keys and not being able to get in the house is “the correct way”

If he uses the lockbox when you’re not home he can use it when you are.

Let him knock for as long as he likes, if he messages asking you to open the door remind him where the lockbox is and that he isn’t a child.

He thinks I should stop whay I’m doing and answer the door, bevause he says that’s what he would do - except he bever has to do it bevause I’m capable of taking my keys or using the lock box

He thinks you’re his butler, a service human whose time is less important than his, the Man of the House.

I’d have gone ballistic on him by the third time of him doing it. What’s his reasoning for why you should break off what you’re doing and waste time letting him in, when he could just have carried his key?

Controlling, unpleasant and thinks his time is more important than yours. Hmmm, why are you with him? I am going to assume he has a lot of redeeming qualities?

I get lazy but which bit is abusive?

It’s just a strange way of having control over you.

Tell him he wouldn’t need to do it for you because you’re a responsible adult who would take their keys or use the lockbox.

Tell us more about him. Is he generally kind and loving? Generous and supportive?

Or do you have to regularly have to conform to his control tactics?

Did you cave and let him in? Why on earth would he rather spend 5 minutes knocking endlessly than get the key out of the key safe? Idiotic.

Fuck me, he’s a controlling know it all arsehole. Why are you with him? Hell would freeze over before I’d let him in in the circumstances you describe. Get rid Op - you deserve so much better!

What a weird thread. Sounds like you hate each other? I’d be happy that DH has taken the dog out, opening the door would literally take less than 1min. I wouldn’t even be insisting he ‘has to take keys’

If it has got to a point that opening the front door has become a huge issue in your marriage, you need to take a step back and reassess whether you should even be together.

Where did I insist he has to take keys.

There’s a lock box with a spare at the front door. He has choices.

I mean you could do exactly the same to him, knock everytime despite having your keys on you but it would be easier really to just ditch him for being a pedantic arse.

Hope you left him knocking.

Bet he wouldn't be knocking for 30 minutes or an hour.

My mum always said the only way to handle a 'madman', is show him you are madder.
This seems one situation that i would defo heed her words.

Even if you did insist, that's okay. That's absolutely okay.

Why must his insistence that you always come and open the door (even if it takes less than 1 min which can not always be true and is not the point) be the only way.