Ungrateful Teens on Florida holiday

[WatermelonWaveclub]

I brought my 3 teens (18, 16 and 13) to Florida to celebrate my eldest's 18th. Honestly it has been a nightmare. Every morning they refuse to get up. We end up leaving for the day's activity hours late. At least one usually refuses to come. Then we end up rushing around with the youngest upset we don't have time to do everything they want. When we get home late and I just want to sleep I am expected to sort food for whoever stayed back at the hotel. Then they stay up late keeping me awake. I'm exhausted!

The main thing they seem to want to do is stay in bed on their phones! Noone seems to worry about wasting a lot of money on activities they don't attend or any thought to making the most of a holiday they are very lucky to be on! No care about me missing out on things I'd like to do or their sibling would like to do. They were fully aware of what the holiday would involve and said they would like to go on the holiday. For example they knew there would be a lot of swimming. One has point blank refused to swim and the other 2 will swim hypothetically but have not once been in the hotel pool with me in almost a week and both just layed on sunloungers on their phones at the water park yesterday.

How would you deal with this situation?

It isn’t

Most colleges have started back by now.

It could be the timing, if they’ve had all summer with you they may just want to be with their mates now.

Or the heat, how are they normally in the heat?

Well if he’s an adult, I bet he’s not paying the bill… your bill, your phone.

Maybe she has withdrawn her.
I don't know.
My point is the thread has essentially been hijacked by "why aren't they at school" which isn't the issue.
It isn't relevant to the OPs problem.

It might be

They could be pissed off that they are missing the start of school year / colleges and all their friends getting together etc

Yes, it's exceptionally fucking boring. Home ed and kids who used to be in school but are now in home ed are both things that exist. If anyone was unfamiliar with either concept at the start of the thread, they've had multiple pages to get their heads round it.

OP why does the 13 year old have such a strong reaction to the elder ones not coming? I wondered from that and the use of meltdown whether she is ND? If so, speaking as an ND parent, that'll be a complicating factor!

I'm amazed the two oldest ones wanted to go away with mum and dad, frankly.

They are typical teenagers, they don't want a lot of stuff organised for them and certainly not trips out as a family. They want to stay in bed in the morning and can find their own enjoyment later.

You can go out with the youngest and do the things you planned.

If they don't want to eat dinner with you, let them organise their own food in the evening; no doubt there are plenty of fast food places around and it won't hurt them to eat that sort of thing during a holiday.

If you split up during the day, each doing your own thing, you'll all be a lot happier. You had unrealistic expectations, these are not little kids.

Really, my DD17 loves holidays, not occurred to her not to come. We are going away next year and she’ll be nearly 18, but surprise she’s coming. Not every family has kids that don’t spend time with them.

As a teen the holidays I was more present for was the ones I also got a say in what we did where we went or at least had one day with an activity i liked. I also did need more sleep and chill time. So there had to be compromise.

The holidays I felt actually quite low on were the ones where every last minute was planned by someone else and they had high expectations of how grateful I should be yet never asked me what I wanted to do. I remember one year doing a big extended family holiday being on my very heavy unexpected period and made to feel really bad for not getting up at 7am being ready to go for miles long walks everyday around Devon. Really I needed some understanding that I'd need to be able to rest and be near toilets.

It can be awful for teenagers you're close to being an adult but still treated like a child and absolutely will have moments of being a child. I remember just feeling sad I was on holiday but unable to experience it in the way or with the freedom I wanted.

I wouldn't take their phones away but I would talk to them and ask them what they wanted to do and how they wanted to spend the holiday. If plans don't align do things separately and lower expectations. Take the pressure off. Ofcourse they don't appreciate the time and money but then given the chance would they of spent thousands of their own money going to florida probably not.

I'd perhaps explain this might be the last family holiday all together as they are getting older what memories do you all want to take from it? You are only in charge of your own memories op if that means you have great memories of going out with the youngest in the day and a few memories of later nights with the older ones maybe exploring some night life or something they are interested in,(maybe get them to research a place to eat that does something interesting or gimmicky/eating challenge). I don't think anyone wants memories of banning phones resentment and arguments.

I think it's hard to accept that dissapointment that holidays aren't always what we imagine in out head and we have to just enjoy what we can.

I took my youngest to Paris for 2 nights last year - her choice. We did a mix of EuroDisney and Paris itself.

i didn’t book any museums - this was a trip tailored purely to her interests. I am a rush around do loads of stuff person on holiday so I specifically avoided this.

she had a lovely time but I realised that she doesn’t want to do a lot of stuff and needs a lot of downtime. We did a few rides at Disney and lots of wandering but she didn’t want to queue for everyone to fit them all in.

Same with Paris itself - we saw the Eiffel Tower and we looked round a few shops and had a nice dinner. That was enough for her.

In my mind I felt we were missing out by not doing more but she was happy.

@WatermelonWaveclub you say you have booked and paid for activities that they wanted to do. I would have a chat with them about the costs of all these activities (which you have said they might not be fully aware of) and say that if they can't get up in time to join in with them, then they will have to pay you the cost. This might teach them a bit more responsibility as right now they are on what should be an amazing holiday many would not be able to afford and they are just taking it for granted. Maybe making them realise how much it costs for something like this would give them a shock if they had to contribute.

I've just seen your updates op. Have you ever listened to parenting hell? There's an episode where Rob beckett discusses how his trip to florida went with young children (so slightly different but overall maybe not) Romesh Ranganathan has recently been with older teens im sure he also discusses it on his podcast the owl and the wolf.
They both sounded utterly drained and exhausted. I'm not sure I'd say it's a holiday more of jam packed high pressured itinerary That you need a good month at least to feel like you've done it justice. Maybe just cut everyone some slack including yourself. Perhaps have the attitude that whatever you get done in the most enjoyable way is a win. Be open and vunerable with them they might surprise you and say yeah it's been different to how we thought it would be we are knackered too. They may well be using phones as some regulation and some down time. I imagine it's a very overstimulating holiday.

I think you're doing the best you can op from your updates.

Considering there are adults that go to Disney solo I wouldn’t say the teens are too old for it, it obviously depends on what they like. They may not have even done Disney, could’ve done universal which is far more ‘big kid’ orientated

Interesting, especially if they knew what the holiday involved.
I'm a different generation and hated to be ushered around by my "parents". Today at 45, I love being left alone on my phone.
Not important, though.

The two eldest seem like they would love to be left alone as well.
Forcing them (I'm not sure about the adult) is not gonna go anywhere, especially for the future.
So you can just learn from this experience and act accordingly next time - sorry, OP!

Take their phones off them.

Digital detox is the answer.

Last time I was away with a sibling and their kids, they dat sullenly on the sofa scrolling refusing to do anything.

Their phones were removed and all of a sudden they were normal kids.

Phones are addictive. They don't need to be in contact with friends, gaming or on social media. Taking their phones away is the opposite of cruelty. You actually helping the live life.

sympathy 🫂 I could100% see that happening with mine, I now have 3 teens and an 11yo, they’re always a bit like this going away in Europe etc and I can imagine it magnified going to Florida when you’ve spent so much money, they sometimes say to me “well we didn’t ask to go away” no but I’m trying to provide nice things for them and I want to go away 🫠 and their dad wouldn’t take them my auntie told me my cousins behaved like this on holiday too.
Sorry I don’t have any solutions. we’re all in competition to a screen now 📱
when this last happened I just took whoever was awake/compliant out to a food market or for a walk to a neighbourhood I wanted to visit, so I didn’t waste my holiday

I have been there. My holidays with teens are over. At 17 they are starting to make their own holiday plans. They need to budget and find good deals.
Luxury family holidays are over but that is the price to pay for being ungrateful teens.

Having done several Orlando holidays and the last one finished 2 weeks ago here is my advice...... get up and go in the mornings with youngest child (if they want to). Do some rides until early afternoon then come back to hotel. Eldest should then be up. Get food and all relax for a bit (doesn't matter if they want to go in the pool or not) then late afternoon/early evening go back to parks.

My kids did get up when we were there but we never let the jet lag set in the first week so took advantage of being awake early. Gradually that fades. They enjoyed our last week best when they had their own room and they did what they wanted. Slept in all morning and spent all afternoon/evenings in parks until they closed.

Taking their phones away is the opposite of cruelty. You actually helping them live life

I thoroughly agree, even though they'd probably carry on for a while as if they'd been expected to give up a kidney

There's also the question of who pays for the phones - because if it's OP then I'd do as a PP suggested and lock them in the safe while they're asleep, and tell them the phones would be staying there unless they buck their ideas up

Most kids get fed up with family holidays at some point. 18 year olds are usually going with friends.

I agree.
I think its so important for them to have phone breaks for their mental health. And because we only have one life and living it entirely through a screen is such a waste

Take their phones off them and tel them they can have them back when they are up and you are on the way on time to the day’s activity.

I agree with this, most of the time my teens want to come away with the family. One of the older DC’s actually pays towards it as they have started working. I have actually just returned from a city break, we all had a lovely time.

Oh well, I can't win then! 😂