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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ungrateful Teens on Florida holiday

536 replies

WatermelonWaveclub · 13/09/2025 18:54

I brought my 3 teens (18, 16 and 13) to Florida to celebrate my eldest's 18th. Honestly it has been a nightmare. Every morning they refuse to get up. We end up leaving for the day's activity hours late. At least one usually refuses to come. Then we end up rushing around with the youngest upset we don't have time to do everything they want. When we get home late and I just want to sleep I am expected to sort food for whoever stayed back at the hotel. Then they stay up late keeping me awake. I'm exhausted!

The main thing they seem to want to do is stay in bed on their phones! Noone seems to worry about wasting a lot of money on activities they don't attend or any thought to making the most of a holiday they are very lucky to be on! No care about me missing out on things I'd like to do or their sibling would like to do. They were fully aware of what the holiday would involve and said they would like to go on the holiday. For example they knew there would be a lot of swimming. One has point blank refused to swim and the other 2 will swim hypothetically but have not once been in the hotel pool with me in almost a week and both just layed on sunloungers on their phones at the water park yesterday.

How would you deal with this situation?

OP posts:
PollyBell · 14/09/2025 00:37

FunBiscuit · 13/09/2025 23:26

Everyone loves Disney

Show quote history

No they dont, I wouldnt take 3 children' to Florida unless every child wanted to go and planned what they all wanted to do, so op how much did all 3 want to go to start with? What activities did they plan to do themselves?

tartanhaggis7 · 14/09/2025 00:47

Heres an idea the kids are not swimming take the bludy phones throw them in the deep end!!! then u'l c the wee bairn's swim 😭😭😭

PollyBell · 14/09/2025 00:48

tartanhaggis7 · 14/09/2025 00:47

Heres an idea the kids are not swimming take the bludy phones throw them in the deep end!!! then u'l c the wee bairn's swim 😭😭😭

Why do people have to swim?

AussieManque · 14/09/2025 01:28

Phones are clearly the problem here. At a guess, there's only WiFi at the hotel and they don't have internet when out and about?

I'd impose a phone moratorium. No phones in bedrooms, 1 HR in the morning and 1 in the evening, max. That's enough to catch up on Instagram etc. What's the point of taking them to a different country (all judgement of Florida aside) if they are just glued to their phones?

Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 02:42

2015pls · 13/09/2025 18:57

I’m guessing they’re very much like this at home during holidays and weekends and you hoped they’d undergo a transformation on holiday?

Unfortunately they have just stayed the same

Haha. Not really, though. We had a great holiday last year. We do lots of things together at the weekends too. This wasn't what I was expecting. I think it is a combination of overwhelm and getting tired.

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Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 02:43

2015pls · 13/09/2025 18:58

Quite early in school year to be off on hols at these ages Op! 😆

Ha - none are in school so it's not an issue for us, luckily!

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Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 02:45

2015pls · 13/09/2025 18:59

When we get home late and I just want to sleep I am expected to sort food for whoever stayed back at the hotel.

oh don’t be a bloomin martyr op

Oh I'm not don't worry!

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Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 02:48

Balloonhearts · 13/09/2025 19:00

Let them! If they aren't ready, you and youngest go without them. If they don't want to swim, leave them on the loungers. If they stay behind, don't cook for them when you get back, tell them they're big enough to fend for themselves.

We've been doing this but my youngest has a melt down because she wants her siblings to come and then everyone wants to repeat things and there end up being less chill times that then impacts me! I'm trying to find the right balance and not succeeding!

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Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 02:54

Hiptothisjive · 13/09/2025 19:02

It’s this weird thing when you fly oversees through many time zones that can mess with your internal clock…..what’s that? Oh yeah jet lag.

Worse when you come back though. Better prepare them now so they don’t miss any more school in GCSE and A level year.

Edited

No, on the way there you wake early for a couple of days! We are way over that - although it was only me awake early those first couple of days!! Typical!

They're not in school. Noone is doing GCSEs or A levels. Eldest 2 at college and apprentiship starting when we get back.

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Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 02:56

doubleornothing · 13/09/2025 19:03

Did they actually want to go on this holiday? Just do your own thing theyre old enough to get on with it and if they see that youre enjoying yourself they might see what theyre missing.

Edited

They did, yes!

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Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 02:59

Ablondiebutagoody · 13/09/2025 19:03

I pointed out those lounger + phone kids to DS10 on holiday this year. Literally hours and hours under a brolly doom scrolling. I let him know that if he ever does that, it's our last holiday. What a waste of money.

I've told them no more holidays! It is an utter waste!

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Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 03:02

Needmorelego · 13/09/2025 19:04

Do what you want to do and leave them alone.
Take this opportunity to only do things you want to do.

I can't leave the youngest and I've booked everything so hard to just leave them to it. But I hae been doing this to an extent.

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Overthebow · 14/09/2025 03:02

WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 02:48

We've been doing this but my youngest has a melt down because she wants her siblings to come and then everyone wants to repeat things and there end up being less chill times that then impacts me! I'm trying to find the right balance and not succeeding!

Show quote history

isnt this a holiday for your 18 year old though and not your youngest? Did you give a choice of holidays to your 18 year old? It doesn’t sound as if this is the type of holiday they are overly interested in.

Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 03:29

Wellretired · 13/09/2025 19:04

This! And do some things you want to do...and refuse to worry about it ....be clear about what you are going to do and what time you are leavng and stick to it... also is it possible to stop them from disturbng you at nght? Are you sleeping in the same rom, or is it noise?

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We are all in the same room! Has worked before so I thought it would be ok!

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Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 04:29

Vaguelyclassical · 13/09/2025 19:05

Why Florida? The older teens are obviously far too old for Disney and it's a rather flat state with some everglades full of nasty biting things; there are also rather a lot of people in unbecoming red baseball caps. Great beaches, but you didn't need to come to the States for those. (Or to swim in a hotel pool.) You might have done better with a buzzy, interesting city in the US. Or a buzzy interesting city in Europe at a third of the cost. Sorry if I sound snarky, but I'm genuinely interested in the logic here. (But I do sympathize with you--I grew up in genteel poverty and I'd have been down on my knees in gratitude if my own parents took me out of the country!)

It was the choice of my 18yo. He wanted America and wanted to do Disney for his sisters primarily and while he isn't a big theme park fan there were a few rides he was interested in like Tron and the Star Wars rides, Tower of Terror. He also wanted to see the World Showcase. And then he wanted to go and see the gators and other wildlife, paddleboarding in the springs and island hopping in Clearwater. Shoppoing too. 16yo enjoys all the rides/shows/fireworks at Disney and all the animals at Animal Kingdom.I don't think it has an age limit - it is just what you enjoy. I enjoy it myself but in different ways, I suppose but I do love doing the things they love - my 13yo loves it all.

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Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 04:31

PumpkinSeasonOctober · 13/09/2025 19:05

Never take them on holiday again. Do they realise how expensive this trip is?

I don't think they do really. I have tried to tell them...but they don't see to completely understand to be honest.

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Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 04:34

Divebar2021 · 13/09/2025 19:06

Im absolutely confident that this is not new behaviour. Stop being such a walkover - tell them what time to be ready in the morning and then go at that time. I’m guessing the 13 year old will be ready and other 2 will manage being left alone.

It's not behaviour I've seen before to this extent, certainly. I have been doing exactly that but the 13yo is not ready as she wants her siblings to come!

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Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 04:41

JetFlight · 13/09/2025 19:06

It’s the phones op. So many kids are like this now. You could take the phones off them but I’m not sure how far you’d get.
how about sitting down and having a conversation about making the most of the last few days and how you could all make the most of it. Get ideas from them.
when we went to Florida with teens, we had our phones with us on hikes to see who could get the best pic of wildlife and alligators.
This will be controversial for some but I still take my 17 yr olds phone off them on a daily basis because they can’t get off it.

Yes, I have with the younger 2 but not with 18yo as he's an adult. Such a hard age- they are an adult yet not really! The dynamic seems to have completely changed since our holiday last year!

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Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 04:47

Younger one doesn't want to leave without the older 2. Some times they come sometimes not but we are late whatever. Yes everything is paid for!

I have read the riot act tonight. We have had a nice day as it was a quieter day but got an activity in the morning. I have told them how expensive it is. Fingers crossed for the morning!

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Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 04:48

hopspot · 13/09/2025 19:12

Are they missing school to be there?

Should that change my approach based on school or not?

OP posts:
Francestein · 14/09/2025 04:50

Tell them that they have to be out the door by X time or they are ALL staying behind. Make sure that they absolutely understand that them/waking up is each other’s responsibility, and so is sorting food if they are left behind. (Advise room service that you will not authorize anything from your kids.)

Elphabaa · 14/09/2025 04:59

YABU yourself. Set down expectations and consequences- if they don’t come they sort their own meals etc.

they sound rather privileged.

Now’s the time for youngest to learn it’s not always their way either.

Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 05:04

IdaGlossop · 13/09/2025 19:14

How have they behaved in previous holidays? You sound very indulgent of them and lacking in authority. You're the parent! Why aren't you taking their phones away, shoving them into the pool, leaving them to sort their own food out, and making it clear what consequences there will be when you get home if they don't buck their ideas up? Have you agreed with them the evening before what you will do together the following day? Given them options eg an expectation that they spend half the day on family things and half the day with the two oldest doing what they want? What leverage do you have over them as far as money is concerned?

For typo

Edited

Never like this before! I have taken phones from younger but not from my adult son. I wouldn't feel comfortable throwing them in the pool even if I could physically do it! And they have to sort their own food, they just seem to expect me to which is annoying! It is a busy holiday with lots of planned activities - but things they wanted to do. There is some down time too. I wouldn't even mind so much if it didn't upset my youngest so much! I am trying to balance things. I have no leverage over my eldest as he has his own money n surplus and not much over the 16yo as she has her own money. But I think I will tell them if I have already paid for something they don't attend - they pay for it!

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Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 05:08

JMary2021 · 13/09/2025 19:18

I'm here to say I know exactly how you feel.
i was the judgey parent years ago 'my kids will learn to be grateful', 'my kids won't sit on their phones, lay in bed all day..'
We did everything right, we set all the boundaries. Now they are exactly as you describe. It's a nightmare and causes so many arguments. They are 14 and 17. It happened about a year ago. Holidays just got a bit crap. They are girls so we have hours of getting ready and then making us late drives me insane as well. Also we have a very enthusiastic 6 year old who wants to be up early and having ALL the fun!

The key with teenagers is to lower your expectations with everything. Always ask them to come, always give them a little push. However just do what you want to and have fun. They'll regret it when they are older.
Next time choose a cheaper holiday so you feel less resentment. Model the behaviour you want to see. Remember their brains are still developing, they won't be ungrateful arseholes forever!

They'll look back in years to come and realise how lucky they were and what a wasted opportunity it was.

If you're still there now, call a family meeting. Tell them you really want to make the most of the holiday (without shaming them) and ask them what experiences they want to get out of the holiday, get them to commit to which days they will do them with you. Then just lay off them and let them be lazy teenagers. It's your holiday too!

Good luck

Thank you - such a helpful reply! My boy is just as bad as the girls. Noone can get ready quickly!!

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Mademetoxic · 14/09/2025 05:52

WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 02:43

Ha - none are in school so it's not an issue for us, luckily!

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Isn't the 13 year old in school and 16 year old in college?

As for people who say 'school is't important' we take education in this country for granted, and that's it's 'free' so parents and children should do all they can to attend.