Ungrateful Teens on Florida holiday

[WatermelonWaveclub]

I brought my 3 teens (18, 16 and 13) to Florida to celebrate my eldest's 18th. Honestly it has been a nightmare. Every morning they refuse to get up. We end up leaving for the day's activity hours late. At least one usually refuses to come. Then we end up rushing around with the youngest upset we don't have time to do everything they want. When we get home late and I just want to sleep I am expected to sort food for whoever stayed back at the hotel. Then they stay up late keeping me awake. I'm exhausted!

The main thing they seem to want to do is stay in bed on their phones! Noone seems to worry about wasting a lot of money on activities they don't attend or any thought to making the most of a holiday they are very lucky to be on! No care about me missing out on things I'd like to do or their sibling would like to do. They were fully aware of what the holiday would involve and said they would like to go on the holiday. For example they knew there would be a lot of swimming. One has point blank refused to swim and the other 2 will swim hypothetically but have not once been in the hotel pool with me in almost a week and both just layed on sunloungers on their phones at the water park yesterday.

How would you deal with this situation?

And that particular one is so daft that she's still carrying it on after OP has confirmed they're not in school!

Welcome to the 'glamorous' world of teenagers. They're a nightmare.

Ok I might sounds smug but mine aren’t and I don’t get the impression my children’s friends are either. They have their moments but I don’t recognise this. I wasn’t awful as a teen either.

Feeling the love! 😆

They sound selfish and unempathetic. Saying they “don’t seem to understand” the expense of the holiday…. They are plenty old enough to understand. Especially the two that have their own money!

I took my teens at Easter this year just me and my daughters 14 &16 my wife stayed home with the dog. They're teens so I set out my expectations & gave them a copy of what we needed to do and when. We booked 6 parks - day 1 after arriving the previous evening - no agenda - day pottering about - well driving about - shops, etc. They had a list of American diners/Fast food they wanted to try, like Raising Cane's, etc, so we built that in. Day 2 Discovery cove - ealry start - they knew this - no issues, day 3 disney world - earlyish start - no issues - day 4 - chill day - sat by the pool, went to a shopping mall - and so on - you know your kids rhythms - you just have to let them have chill time etc...my oldest teen at the end of the park days was begging to go to sleep and she's usually the one that can stay up all night.

My wife took them to France for a few days and they behaved exactly like yours did - it's about not nagging/moaning at them and making sure they know what's expected when. Rushing them down to breakfast at 8am is not my idea of fun either on holiday.

The problem is everyone is different regardless of what holiday you go on we all have different interests should sit down and have a chat about what they enjoy and each person pick a day trip as for phones they are brainwashing they are great for a lot of things but there is a time and a place for everything

I'm often entertained by how aeriated some posters get at kids missing school to go on holiday. It shows genuine devotion to the cause to try and keep that going long after OP has confirmed there's no school involved here, on the basis that there used to be. Many would've given up at that point. You've set a high bar there!

What can I say? I’m an over achiever!

Aren't they a bit old for Disneyland etc?

Please, please do not invite her for Christmas. You are a narcissist, and she knows it. You left her to care for your mother with dementia all these years and then vanished from their lives over the past Christmases. She may forgive because she believes she has a bond with you as her sister. But she needs to see clearly who you truly are and understand that if she goes to your house at Christmas, her presence will be inconvenient for you. She needs to grasp this with all the clarity and coldness possible so that, after the shock, she can recover some dignity in her life. Honestly, I pity you for having three children. She has her whole life ahead of her to reinvent herself, enjoy life, and be happy. You will probably end up just a suburban, boring, and controlling mother, mother-in-law, and grandmother.
I had a similar experience two years ago, but with my “best” friend (a friendship of over 20 years; I am godmother to her daughter), who chose to be cruel to me under the guise of boundaries and self-care — a relationship full of red flags that I had ignored in the name of long-term friendship. The best thing she ever did was to be brutally herself when I was miserable, allowing me to see her true colours and free myself forever from a selfish, nasty person. It lifted an enormous weight from my shoulders, no longer having to sustain a friendship full of abuse.
And finally, I feel I’m not really writing for the OP — she clearly doesn’t care — but rather in the hope it might help others, just as many of the answers here have helped me work through my own resentments.

YANBU for being frustrated.

YABU for even giving them the choice.

If you usually allow them to spend their lives on their phones then that isn't magically going to change when they go on holiday. You need to remove the phones from them until they are dressed and ready to go out.

You need to be the parent here, you are in charge not them. Make it clear that anyone who stays behind will have to fend for themselves food wise and that you will not be sorting food when you get back.

Don't spoil the day for the youngest, go out as planned and arrange a time and place for the others to meet you. Stress if they aren't there after 15 mins then you will be moving on.

Teens are addicted to phones because their parents have allowed it to happen.

Was going to say this. It sounds like you have a lot booked around Disney which is fine for a 13 yr old, at a push, but the older teens won't be remotely interested. I can totally understand them rather just chilling around a pool. Sound like you have far too much planned tbh, and why this insistence that they must swim, just why? It's perfectly fine to get up a bit later on holiday and looking at phones on the sunbed at the pool is just the same as reading a book by the pool. Just another way to relax on holiday. Maybe just acknowledge that the plans you made aren't working for your family and all take time to sit and agree on some new plans going forward so everyone gets to do something they want to do.

This thread is about 3 children on holiday with their mum in Florida, @Lapigona . I think you posted your reply on the wrong thread.

It was the 18 year old's choice for their birthday!!

Just leave them in the hotel and go off and do your own thing, Op.

have a lovely time! 🍹

@WatermelonWaveclub

@Hiptothisjive

you get over jet lag in about 2 days. Even if you’re still feeling a bit rough with it , you don’t just lay in bed all day - what a waste!
perhaps they are just….lazy

It sounds like this issue isn’t helped by your 13yo insisting on the older siblings coming on all the activities. I’m a 3rd sibling so I do understand this. I much preferred holidays when my older siblings came along, but she is old enough now to understand that for the next couple of years, shes going to have to do some things with just her parents. At least her older siblings are actually there and she can see them in the evenings.

Yes, my phone glitched while I was replying and I accidentally posted in the wrong thread! I tried to delete it but couldn’t figure out how. Soooorry lol.

Anyway, I have a teenage son — he’s as ungrateful as any teenager! I just do what I have to and carry on with my life. 🤣

Teens are naturally selfish and it's up to you as the parent to set boundaries. Either you let them have the holiday they want, not the one you want, or you stop pandering to them.

Commiserations back in the nineties early noughties, we were taking our then teens to wonderful places in the US and Europe, one of whom was never grateful the older he became. In fact on one occasion crossing the Atlantic, aged about 15, he told us "I hope you appreciate that I'm giving up time spent with my mates to come on holiday with you" that time was generally spent hanging around in car parks, having clubbed together to buy a chow mein between several of them, sitting on walls and sometimes actually doing something which was roller blading some moves along a greased up pole on one of their
driveways, often ours. Fast forward over 20 years, eldest decided to start a family in his mid twenties and has been skint ever since, affording holidays at all has been sketchy since then, they did go to one of the Greek Islands this year. His continual refrain nowadays, "I'd love to go to some of the places we were taken as children, if I could turn back the clock, I'd appreciate those holidays so much more. In retrospect I was an ungrateful arse" So there you have it, ungrateful teens, nothing new, they tend to change attitudes with maturity, I hope your day will come when yours appreciate how fortunate they were.

Did you give them a choice to miss the first crucial weeks of term on holiday or stay home? What made you think they would even be interested in all that tacky stuff? This is your dream holiday, not theirs. Each day, tell them the plan and when you are leaving and they can choose to come or not. If they want to laze by the pool, they can. Personally, I think you have made a poor choice, making them miss school and taking them somewhere you really wanted to go which they are clearly not interested in.

@mugglewump

can you read?

Clearwater beach is lovely OP, they will enjoy there and there isn't a set timetable with something to do so they can wander at their own pace. There are evening concerts some days.