Ungrateful Teens on Florida holiday

[WatermelonWaveclub]

I brought my 3 teens (18, 16 and 13) to Florida to celebrate my eldest's 18th. Honestly it has been a nightmare. Every morning they refuse to get up. We end up leaving for the day's activity hours late. At least one usually refuses to come. Then we end up rushing around with the youngest upset we don't have time to do everything they want. When we get home late and I just want to sleep I am expected to sort food for whoever stayed back at the hotel. Then they stay up late keeping me awake. I'm exhausted!

The main thing they seem to want to do is stay in bed on their phones! Noone seems to worry about wasting a lot of money on activities they don't attend or any thought to making the most of a holiday they are very lucky to be on! No care about me missing out on things I'd like to do or their sibling would like to do. They were fully aware of what the holiday would involve and said they would like to go on the holiday. For example they knew there would be a lot of swimming. One has point blank refused to swim and the other 2 will swim hypothetically but have not once been in the hotel pool with me in almost a week and both just layed on sunloungers on their phones at the water park yesterday.

How would you deal with this situation?

I haven't read all the replies yet. But I do feel for you op. I think op means she has been out and fed the ones who came and shouldn't have to feed the one who stayed behind. I quite agree with op, they are 16 or 18 and if been room based on a phone they can feed themselves! Are you the only adult/parent there?

Try setting some reasonable patameters and then leave the two older boys to get on with their day.

You and 13 year old go out together.

List the days activities that have been paid for for all to see on the breakfast table.

Have agreed get out of bed time. Pull open blinds to Sunlight.

Agree to meet for lunch at xx.

Agree on dinner place and time.
(If older boys are home early, they cook dinner for you all.)

Ask the older boys where lunch will be.
Have youngest and you decide dinner.

No phones at meal times.
No scrolling on phones after dinner or before lunch.

I remember Disney being very overwhelming when we took the teenage kids, we even missed out on one ticketed activity towards the end. Sorry no advice, but I can't believe the ppl still harping on about their education when you explained earlier on! Hoping it gets better 😎

Say they will have their pocket money docked for every event they cause you to miss out on.

We did Orlando about five times when our DC were younger, from about 8
ish, I remember when we suggested going when they were 17 and 14, the 14 year old jumped at the chance and since they had pretty much done and seen it all, the 17 year old didn’t want to go, he was literally a few weeks before his 18th so we left him home alone with his grandparents two streets away.

that was the last time we went, they out grow it…for a bit. The 17 year old is now 31 and keeps hinting that he’d like to go again, with his wife and child and us (paying) 😂.

I think you need to suck it up and leave the older ones and go without them. Let them sort their own food out, it’s not like the main hotel areas don’t have fast food outlets nearby.

Leave the eldests in bed and go with youngest its their holiday as well

I’d charge them the cost of the activities they’ve missed. Tell them you are leaving at whatever time you need to for the activities and you and the youngest enjoy yourselves and don’t miss out. Make clear you aren’t cooking when you get in so if they don’t have whatever catering is on offer they don’t eat unless they make it themselves. The oldest is now an adult. Time to learn some life lessons.

Maybe they see you on your phone all the time and think it’s accepted behaviour. If I was in Florida I don’t think I would be wasting so much time posting on Mumsnet.

I’m American, and while I live on the opposite coast from Florida (I live in Southern California), I am VERY familiar with Florida’s weather. People, even Americans, don’t realize that Florida is technically part of “the American South”, which means it is humid, muggy, and disgustingly hot during the summer months, and often well into autumn.

i understand your DS wanted to go for his birthday, but I’m assuming you’re all British and aren’t even remotely used to the grotesquerie that is Florida weather around this time of year.

Not only is it usually somewhere around 30C during the day, it’s so humid that you could probably get your daily hydration intake requirements just by breathing. This means that doing anything feels NASTY, as high temperatures plus high humidity saps your energy, enthusiasm, and your will to live.

To make matters worse, it rains in Florida during the summer/autumn. Like all the time. And thunderstorms and lightning. If you’ve never experienced a rainy day that is high-temperature, it’s awful. People who have never endured “hot day rain” don’t realize that it’s WORSE than “cold day rain”. Your body is like, “wait, the air temperature is warm, I should be drying off” but NOPE, it’s RAINING! Or even if the rain has stopped, the humidity is still 85% so it’s not like you’re going to dry off.

My sister and her friend just got back from a trip to Florida (sister’s friend’s kids live in Miami) and my sister and her friend were physically miserable the whole time. My sister also said they left “just in time”, because apparently a storm is approaching.

I don’t know if you/your DC have been to Florida/the American south/Southeast Asia during the hot and rainy periods, but it’s life-sapping. I would personally never willingly schedule a vacation to those areas during the rainy season.

IMO the situation/your DCs behavior is partially just that your DC ARE being teenagers (despite you insisting they’ve been perfect angels on all previous holidays), but I think a large part of the issue IS that it’s the nasty season in Florida right now, and they probably feel tired, sapped of life and energy, and gross. And being indoors does NOT always help mitigate the effects of a hot and humid climate, but they probably do feel better in the hotel where there’s air conditioning.

You also keep going on about them not going to school - and while I agree that that has no literal bearing on a vacation, it DOES have bearing on their behavior. If they’re homeschooled/have never gone to public school, that does affect their attitude and behavior (i would know; my mother pulled me out of public schooling when I was 13 and it messed me up socially) and you may be seeing new behaviors start to crop up now that they’re on a stressful holiday.

Florida (probably) isn’t in the same timezone that you live in, my friend. It’s currently 3:20am in Florida. I doubt OP’s kids are still awake and staring at her on her phone as she posts on Mumsnet XD

Mine wouldn’t either. We frequently visit the US and we are out and about doing loads of things. When we have downtown we all read on our phones but certainly we are out for 90% of the day doing fun stuff. No one mopes, is miserable, sleeps in. We don’t argue about anything and agree what to do as a family. The teens are on the beach, in the pool, completely embracing the holiday. I think that is more the norm than not surely? I don’t think my kids are anything other than average teenagers.

The last time we went to Florida the DCs were 14 and 15.
They did spend time on their phones but they got up when I asked them as, I’m sure you know, getting to the parks early saves a lot of stress in the long run.
We didn’t spend very much time in the hotel room or villa so their phone time was minimal and they knew phones at the table are not allowed.
To whoever suggested that they’re too old for Disney…there’s loads to do and Universal is perfect for their age group.
Try and relax OP, holidays are never exactly how you expect them to be.

If you’re being unreasonable, it’s mainly to yourself. The older teens won’t have their full empathy development yet (not till mid twenties) so expecting them to see it your way is a good way to frustration.

I don’t know what your budget is but there is so much there for older teens. Halloween Horror Nights at Universal allow children 13 and over in so you could all go and enjoy the rides in the dark at Universal Studios. Even if you skip the Haunted Houses, there’s Death Eaters in Diagon Alley and amazing additional shows just for the event.

Also, Epic Universe has just opened there this summer, not sure if you’ve visited but if your older teens loved Rise of the Resistance then they’ll love the dark rides there, Harry Potter and Universal Monsters (same ride system as the older Forbidden Journey ride in Islands of Adventures). Plus they have some brilliant brand new coasters at Epic if that’s their thing.

Teens don’t have the empathy or life experience to regret the waste of your money. Some of the advice about taking phones off them is clearly from either non parents or parents who have not yet experienced the “joy” of navigating teenagers and remaining sane. If there’s a Disney lesson here, it has to be from Frozen. Get to your ice palace and let it go :D. Trying to control what’s not in your control (how they act, how they respond) is ruining what sounds like a rather expensive holiday. Hope it gets better and enjoy the sunshine @WatermelonWaveclub

If you’re being unreasonable, it’s mainly to yourself. The older teens won’t have their full empathy development yet (not till mid twenties) so expecting them to see it your way is a good way to frustration.

I don’t know what your budget is but there is so much there for older teens. Halloween Horror Nights at Universal allow children 13 and over in so you could all go and enjoy the rides in the dark at Universal Studios. Even if you skip the Haunted Houses, there’s Death Eaters in Diagon Alley and amazing additional shows just for the event.

Also, Epic Universe has just opened there this summer, not sure if you’ve visited but if your older teens loved Rise of the Resistance then they’ll love the dark rides there, Harry Potter and Universal Monsters (same ride system as the older Forbidden Journey ride in Islands of Adventures). Plus they have some brilliant brand new coasters at Epic if that’s their thing.

Teens don’t have the empathy or life experience to regret the waste of your money. Some of the advice about taking phones off them is clearly from either non parents or parents who have not yet experienced the “joy” of navigating teenagers and remaining sane. If there’s a Disney lesson here, it has to be from Frozen. Get to your ice palace and let it go :D. Trying to control what’s not in your control (how they act, how they respond) is ruining what sounds like a rather expensive holiday. Hope it gets better and enjoy the sunshine @WatermelonWaveclub

Good idea - give them info about things to do and get each of them to choose an activity. (Don’t best yourself up though - this is fairly typical behaviour to be fair but such a shame)

Genuine question.
If this is the first time the kids are behaving like this, and 18yo chose Florida for his sisters, have you outright asked him why he's suddenly acting like this? Is it not what he expected? He is bored? Is he wanting to do anything while there?
I would assume at any age they'd find something they'd enjoy there and if it's out of character then I'd be curious as to why he's / they are acting like this.

I think you need to deal with your youngest, to be honest. At 13 they’re old enough to understand that their siblings are being arses and they either stay with them or get a move on and come with you!!

I’d tell the oldest exactly his much this has cost and that you’re not impressed with the lying in the room all day shenanigans. I wouldn’t tolerate this from my DS17. I expect that he’s up early and out with us on trips that he said he wanted to do - he can chill for a couple of hours at 5pm when we’re back.

And ignore the comments about not sharing a room with teens - when DS1 was 18 and DS2 was 10 we were in the US and we only had separate rooms for part of the holiday in a wooden chalet in Cape Cod. While in NY, Boston, DC etc we just got a family room.

Probably because they're 16 and 18 and not babies!

Throwing their phones in the hotel pool

I mean

nonsense

See we love a chill holiday and rarely do anything for the whole day. We often pick one activity in the afternoon as we want to relax as well. Our teenagers like this too. We'll sometimes split up and do something smaller in the morning with whoever wants to come.

My parents would see that as a massive waste of money as they were always super busy on holidays.

Maybe you need to plan fewer activities.

Why is it nonsense?

Good post

@WatermelonWaveclub id have removed the phones at the get go.

I went on holiday to Florida at 13/14 and I behaved awful too . It is full on and I too wanted to stay behind but wasn’t allowed .
I remember wanting all the parks etc but after one day of it I was exhausted . For me I wanted a busy day and a pool /local day .
I loved America although looking back I was maybe a little overwhelmed too.

Ive been back since and I enjoyed it on a more relaxed note .

Back to the phones they really are addictive . Once removed they will have a new interest in joining you.

Go away, you're not helping.

Exactly ! Always at least one judgemental twat