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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ungrateful Teens on Florida holiday

536 replies

WatermelonWaveclub · 13/09/2025 18:54

I brought my 3 teens (18, 16 and 13) to Florida to celebrate my eldest's 18th. Honestly it has been a nightmare. Every morning they refuse to get up. We end up leaving for the day's activity hours late. At least one usually refuses to come. Then we end up rushing around with the youngest upset we don't have time to do everything they want. When we get home late and I just want to sleep I am expected to sort food for whoever stayed back at the hotel. Then they stay up late keeping me awake. I'm exhausted!

The main thing they seem to want to do is stay in bed on their phones! Noone seems to worry about wasting a lot of money on activities they don't attend or any thought to making the most of a holiday they are very lucky to be on! No care about me missing out on things I'd like to do or their sibling would like to do. They were fully aware of what the holiday would involve and said they would like to go on the holiday. For example they knew there would be a lot of swimming. One has point blank refused to swim and the other 2 will swim hypothetically but have not once been in the hotel pool with me in almost a week and both just layed on sunloungers on their phones at the water park yesterday.

How would you deal with this situation?

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 14/09/2025 20:39

x2boys · 14/09/2025 20:30

Well no they are not they have to be in education or training which is often NOT in a school .

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Also that (vague) rule is only for England.
Scotland, NI and Wales the leaving age is 16.
The OP hasn't said they live in England.
(that's more for @TheCheekyCyanHelper)

SouthernBelle21 · 14/09/2025 20:39

Flippingnora100 · 14/09/2025 20:12

That sounds super annoying, but I'd take control of the situation and set some boundaries. Eg I'm feeling frustrated at having spent so much money on this trip for us to have a nice family time together and it feels like you aren't making much effort to make the most of it.

From now on I'm setting some new boundaries: 1) Tomorrow, we are doing X and leaving at X time. If you're not ready, we will leave without you. 2) If you choose not to come and we eat when we are out, I will not be providing any food for you until our next meal time when we are all together. OR, I will give you $20 and you can figure out your own food for the day. I will not be getting involved. 3) If you do decide to come along, be gracious and pleasant, or I will do X (consequence that you are willing to carry out).

You can't make them be less selfish, but you can choose how you respond and whether you reinforce that behavior or make their lives more difficult as a result.

They're not being selfish. SHE is being selfish for forcing them to do things they don't want to do while they're on holiday!!!!

If they want to lounge around at the apartment, LET them, it's THEIR holiday too!

RubySquid · 14/09/2025 20:51

hopspot · 13/09/2025 19:12

Are they missing school to be there?

The elder 2 may not even be at school

RubySquid · 14/09/2025 20:53

Lovemeapickledgherkin · 14/09/2025 20:26

I stand corrected. I made that comment because I think it’s unsettling for kids to miss the start of a new school year. Presumably the 13 year old is homeschooled as OP states none are in school.

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Err colleges take 16-18 year olds without the silly fines if you take time off. The 18 year old could be starting uni later this month

BobbySox71 · 14/09/2025 20:55

It depends what kind of activities you had lined up too. They probably feel they’re too old for Disneyland and are clued up how bad Seaworld is

Pinkbasketcase · 14/09/2025 20:59

Teenagers give no fucks to anyone!! Plain and simple! But apparently you just have let them do their thing, especially dance all over your boundaries AND talk to you like pure shite!!

Jack80 · 14/09/2025 21:27

I would tell them what activities you have planned, ask do they fancy doing x activities or what activities they fancy. We have an 18 yeat old that doesn't come away with us but im sure she would to Disney. Our 21 would old im sure would too, it is about expectations and what they want to get out of the holiday for all.

Horsie · 14/09/2025 21:27

NotAnotherPylon · 13/09/2025 21:03

Are you an easily amused parrot by any chance?

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🤣🤣🤣

PinkyFlamingo · 14/09/2025 21:46

I can't believe the people saying the kids are "too old" for Disney. There isnt an age imit plus they wanted to go.

clemfandango25 · 14/09/2025 21:50

This is why mine won’t be having smartphones until at least age 16 :(

Meg8 · 14/09/2025 22:19

I once worked with a solicitor in his mid-50s who went to Disney every year. He went on all the big rides and the shows, as well as Seaworld and others. He reckoned there was no such thing as "too old" for having fun!

Olderone1 · 14/09/2025 22:51

On dear I'm sorry a old woman here who really would not tolerate this,the poor hard done by teens dragged from the bed to enjoy a holiday ,Hubby and myself live with daughter son in law and two teens,the lad is a gamer and lives in his room,but family outings are just that family outings and he joins in ,and what's more enjoys it.My generation despair at the way teens rule households ,I would take the phone chargers away,and cancel phone contract if the situation continues, how can we expect the next generation to make their way in the world when they learn nothing of compromise and thought for others.

Hiptothisjive · 14/09/2025 22:51

x2boys · 14/09/2025 20:06

Typical mumsnet response
Not all 18 year olds do Alevels, mind blowing i know 🙄

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Fine, higher education, BTec, apprenticeship - whatever. No need to be snarky.

Needmorelego · 14/09/2025 22:59

Hiptothisjive · 14/09/2025 22:51

Fine, higher education, BTec, apprenticeship - whatever. No need to be snarky.

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Or they could have jobs and are on annual leave.
(Although the OP said they are due to start college/apprenticeships).
It really isn't relevant. I still don't understand why that part of this thread is being made such a hoo haa about.
It doesn't matter.
If this holiday had taken place a month ago when it was school summer holidays the OP would be wanting the same advice.

Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 23:04

JMary2021 · 13/09/2025 19:49

Also to add to my post (been thinking of you as I know how hard it is). You could use this as a chance to teach them compromise.

Have a conversation about the fact you planned a holiday based on the assumption they would be up by x o clock. Tell them it's become clear that they need more time in bed but that you are a family and need to find a happy medium. Ask them to commit to a time they will be up and dressed by and tell them the consequences if they aren't. Make it clear you're meeting in the middle. Secretly allow a least an extra 30 min on top of this.

As for the swimming, my teenagers often find swimming pools quite overwhelming and feel pretty self conscious. Remember they are probably struggling with body image and not really knowing how to act in a pool as they aren't yet full adults but also don't want to look silly jumping around in the pool like young children. I'd just let them be with that one personally.

If phones are a big issue, how about enforcing a 'screen free afternoon' for everyone, no shaming or calling people out. Just say you want to try as feel they can be very distracting.

Thank you that's very helpful too. I agree about body image as thst is the issue for one. I have made it clear they don't have to swim but I would like them to join us for activities around swimming. Also again annoying youngest not wanting to swim if others aren't even though she loves swimming!

I am a bit worried about my DS, tbh. I worry he may be a bit depressed as this is out of character.

OP posts:
Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 23:14

VickyEadieofThigh · 13/09/2025 19:53

YABU for taking them out of school/college for a holiday they aren't interested in.

I must have missed the bit where I said I took them out of school/college for a holiday they aren't interested in!

OP posts:
Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 23:28

YourAquaLion · 13/09/2025 19:56

I remember one family holiday when my sister was a teen and all she wanted to do was stay in the room and read or phone her girlfriend. I wasn’t a normal teen so I wanted to do all the activities and make the most of it. My parents were very peed odd that she missed most of an expensive holiday and it led so some major rowing and resentment, but ultimately people just want to do different things on hol. My sister wanted to relax and read and chat, we all wanted to do things. So we did! We also went skiing one year and on day 1 she decided she hated skiing and took all her hire stuff back and stayed in the room reading. Eventually she explained it to me really well - it would be like her taking me on a golf holiday, I wud hate it and never like golf no matter how many times she made me go. Then I got it and I was like You Do You sister. And she does! Just go with ur youngest next time, the others are old enough to be left at home.

I completely agree with you and this would very much be my normal stance. This just happens to be a holiday involving a lot of expensive planned activities which I checked carefully they were happy with. I planned lots of chill time and don't mind atall them having lay ins (when plans allow) or some time just chilling on their phones. The dynamic has just gone a bit wrong.

They were all up for our activity today as I stressed that we had to leave on time due to getting a shuttle bus. We have had a good day although DS didn't want to join in with it all but was happy enough chilling out while I did things with the girls.

OP posts:
Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 23:36

Cynic17 · 13/09/2025 19:58

Well, first of all they shouldn't be on holiday, they should be in school.
Secondly, remove their phones - lock them in the safe, and don't disclose the code.
Thirdly, you are the parent, so impose a few rules.
Finally, never take them on holiday again!

Oh really? Which school would that be as none of them are in regular school. Is there some kind of holiday delinquent school they should be sent to??

OP posts:
Solaire18381 · 14/09/2025 23:39

Wow that is annoying. And yes they don't realise how lucky they are and the expense!

When I was a child, in the 80's and 90's going to Florida was a dream, it was like going to Space or the moon or somewhere unobtainable.

Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 23:41

CurlyhairedAssassin · 13/09/2025 20:03

Sounds like a standard holiday with late teens, TBH! All very familiar. We gave up on the idea of staying in one place as when we got nice villas or went to an all inclusive hotel they just turned sort of turned lethargic and bored and stuck their head in screens all day.

The most successful holidays we had at that age was a California road trip. We HAD to be up and out early each day, we had an itinerary to follow, places to be. They could go on their phones when we were travelling between places if they wanted but mostly they chose to watch out the window, as often there was stuff worth seeing.

I got them involved in planning the itinerary before we went so they were invested in it.

If you want to go on an all inclusive/nice villa/sun, sea and swim type of holiday then I think when they're late teens you're going to either have to do separatete holidays where they go with their mates and you go just with the youngest two.

If you insist on still all going on those type of holidays, then the only thing you can do is just state what the plan is for anyy trips out. eg "We are leaving at 9am in the morning for the boat trip/to explore the nearest town/whatever". If you're not up and ready by then I'll take it you don't want to come and I'll just go with DD."

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We have a planned itinerary of activities we have to be up for all planned with their involvement. This is not an all inclusive/villa holiday. It is not a holiday I 'insisted' on. It was DS's choice. He could have gone away with friends but he wanted to go to Florida with us.

OP posts:
T1Dmama · 14/09/2025 23:42

I would tell them the activity for the morning, tell them the time.. and I would get up and wake them once.. then go with the youngest and sod the older two!
I’d tell them they need to sort their food!… ‘because you won’t be!!
I’d tell them they’re very ungrateful and would not be ever taking them away again! Next year book to go away with a friend!

but yes, I reckon if you got up and went out and left them, just one day and then refused to do anything for them… the next day they might just pull their finger out of their arses!

Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 23:44

BunnyLake · 13/09/2025 20:06

Why do they ‘have’ to go swimming?

They don't 'have' to. But personally if plans have been made and paid for based based on swimming keeness then to then not take part in these activities is a waste of money.

OP posts:
Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 23:46

luckylavender · 13/09/2025 20:06

I thought that!

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Did you ever think about the children that aren't provided for in mainstream??

OP posts:
Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 23:47

Mademetoxic · 13/09/2025 20:08

Shouldn't they be at school, college etc?

No

OP posts:
Original poster
WatermelonWaveclub · 14/09/2025 23:49

2015pls · 13/09/2025 20:11

”obsessing” 😆

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Well, there have been countless posts about it! I'm not sure how their education status is relevant? Please let me know if I'm wrong on that??

OP posts:
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