Single so I never go away on holiday

[JNicholson]

I’m realising I’ve become completely crap, since post-pandemic made travel abroad a thing again, at booking time off for myself and actually going away somewhere. I seem to have got into an awful habit of basically just spending annual leave at home (and not even away somewhere else in the UK), sleeping late and eating crap and watching TV. Which can be enjoyable, sometimes, but it’s definitely not uplifting and it makes the whole year feel sludgey and samey and as if you haven’t really had actual holiday. I feel like one of those empty nest divorcees who says she doesn’t feel it’s worth cooking a proper meal when it’s just her. I never thought I’d be like this, but I feel like I’ve become really bad at giving myself permission to have an actual holiday. My job is stressful and full on (although I mostly wfh) and it’s so easy to go ‘oh I can’t afford to take time to actually plan and book something abroad, it will be easier to just have a staycation and then I won’t have the post-trip adjustment either, it will be easier to just go back to work’. But it’s meaning I really don’t feel like I have much of a life outside work. I kind of think how much easier it would be if I had a partner and had to go away because they wanted it. Has anyone else experienced this? How did you pull yourself out of it?

I'm in a similar position. What would you really like to do for a holiday? City or beach? Relaxing or exploring?

My mind is always boggled by people who can't understand that it's more expensive for people who live on their own.

I'm divorced and whilst I currently go away with my teen Ds, I'm aware in the future I'll likely be contemplating holidays alone.
I'm also an introvert whose idea of a holiday is to get away from people and enjoy some quiet time. I have friends who i enjoy meeting for coffee and catch ups, but the idea of going away with someone for a few days makes me shudder - it makes me feel claustrophobic! My only hope is in the future I hope my work situation allows me to get a dog, as I would love some time away by the beach with a dog to get out and about to walk and enjoy the scenery and the sense of getting away from it all.
I feel your pain OP, it can be very difficult to get away on your own when you don't want to do group activities or trips.

Why is it hard?

I go away on my own and love it. I've been widowed 7 years plus. If anything it's easier on your own I find as you're answerable to no one.

There are plenty of one traveler holidays too if you want to travel with others. Not for me.

I LOVE solo travel! You can do exactly what you want to do, on your own schedule, with no regard for anyone else 😆

I've recently started travelling on my own after a divorce from a controlling ex. I've travelled more in the 3 years since I left him than the 20 years I was with hilm. There are lots of groups catering for singles now including women only if you'd feel safer or more comfortable with a single sex group.

I've done a trip to wales last year, Moroccco earlier this year and have Madeira booked for next year with a facebook group. I can give you the details if that's allowed here. The accomodation is booked for you and some of the trips and then people in the group generally break off into smaller groups and organise different things. It's all different people on each of the trips but everyone is travelling alone and we all make friends with each other on the trips.

I've also travelled by myself in the UK and got to see lots of things that I wanted to see without having to consider someone elses needs. I made sure I had an audiobook downloaded for the drive there and a paperback and journal for the evenings. It all depends on what you want to get out of the trip.

I think one thing that’s underestimated is how expensive it can be - most holidays are priced up based on 2 sharing -

My best holidays were when I was single, not having to compromise with others. I backpacked for a year, and after that I would always just go away by myself.

This, and the other post about starting small, interesting city breaks… Sounds like once you’ve got a taste for it, you’ll get the bug again.

Sadly, my current bf doesn’t share my adventures as he’s not interested, I tend to go with dog, alone, with sister, and done global travel alone before, so I can, and do, do it, but yes, it is nice to share the experiences with a significant someone (bf may not remain bf forever).

Kindly, have you considered some therapy? You sound depressed…. Most significant points: Motivation follows action, avoidance maintains anxiety, and don’t believe everything you think!

Go out and have some fun!!

When I was on my own I used to go on personal growth courses. The location was worthwhile ,there were people to stay with during the evenings for meals and i made good friends as it was a shared interest. I have qualifications in hypnotherapy for example and still keep in touch with some people that I met.

@JNicholson I'm single. Go away with friends etc. I also do solo holidays or holidays that other solo travelers are on and meet up. There are a few groups on FB for solo travelers I think I've done the opposite to you since lockdown.

When my DP died, took me a while but I booked a holiday. I booked with a friend who sort of invited herself but then got flakey and didn't go.

Apart from car rental and being scared witless arriving at midnight at airport it was lovely.
Part of this was due to having to cost cut financially and if you've dish, take easy options at first.

Remarried now so not an option.

My Sil has always been a big traveller, was widowed a few years ago and started doing long trips by herself, specialist travel company with escorted travel. She loves it and has a new group of similar travel pals.

Enjoy and good luck

Hrft btw

In a similar situation but with all the costs of running a home alone, since the cost of living went up, I just can't afford holidays despite having a decent job.

Plenty of time to dream and plan though, so we could do a deal where I plan your holidays for you, and you pay for mine 😂

Type into Chatgpt help me chose a singles holiday for a (I put in 75 year old) and take it from there. I'd put 5 choices into a box and pick one out.... surprise, that's your next holiday. All the best,

Remarried now so not an option.

You could still choose to take separate breaks at times!

Hello op.

I wonder if the WFH is compounding the issue, like you never really fully emerged from the lockdowns. I know, for me, getting out among other people really helped but I know it’s not for everyone.

Get yourself booked up!

I go on holiday alone. You can do it.

There are trips you can take that incorporate learning something from a language to horse riding.

I've found since starting to work from home and Covid that I've lost a lot of my get up and go, and planning stuff like trips has just become an effort. I'm starting to do a lot more 'packaged' experiences, so going on a holiday with the ski club, doing an activity holiday (e.g. Exodus, Ramblers, HF) or with other hobby groups.

Maybe try shorter breaks initially, just so they're not a major hassle to organise. I can recommend Helsinki for a city break - not too big a city, decent public transport, lovely people.

Great suggestion. And while you’re there, get the ferry to Tallinn for the day. Also a lovely city to visit.

@kittykarate you have described how I felt after Covid - lost my get up and go. I moved the opposite way to most people. I’d wfh for decades, but after Covid I got a desk in a shared office and it’s worked wonders for me. Hope you get your pep back in full effect.

I'm a widow in my early 70's and this year I got up the courage to go on two holidays abroad on my own. I booked package holidays to holiday resorts and it wasn't easy at first but I think it has done me good.

I was someone who didn't like to go in a coffee shop on my own and eating alone isn't fun and reminded me of what I was missing. I found that by sticking to a couple of restaurants and getting to know the staff, really helped.

The good part is that you can do whatever you want, whenever you want. I swam and walked a lot and chatted to other people. I enjoyed it more after a few days. My second holiday was really great, at a beautiful hotel in Spain. It had a great pool, entertainment and lovely food. It was in a small resort with lots of little shops and a market in the evenings. I even took bus trips to other resorts and cities. I have booked the same hotel for next year too. You just have to get out there and see what you can get out of it.

I might try a river cruise next year or a holiday specifically for singles. Good luck with it!

Put big girl pants on!
Why not do Airbnb to London or, like me, 5 days in York? York was fabulous, so much to see, and I went out beyond the city to NT places too.
Just go somewhere a couple hours away at first then look to go further away.

Get it booked now for next spring. Maybe just a long weekend first, then with confidence growing go somewhere from your local airport to a Spanish or Greek island.

Walking holidays in the UK are great too. Look at “HF holidays.” I’ve done several over the years & come back feeling amazing and reenergised.

Once you get the bug you’ll love it! Life’s too short to sit at home.

Thanks for all the lovely replies. Just to reiterate for clarity’s sake: I did lots of international travel on my own pre-pandemic, so it’s something I’ve done before. It’s not really a confidence issue, more about finding motivation when work is busy, I’ve got very used to rotting at home, and I don’t have any company for the trip or anyone IRL to push me to book. But I’ve had some helpful suggestions on this thread, so thank you for that. I think a 4-5 day trip to a European city I haven’t been to before is where it’s at. Currently thinking about a couple of possibilities. X

Resuscitating this thread to say that I found this survey really interesting - I hadn’t realised I was maybe part of a wider trend of people using time off to sleep rather than go on holiday (I’m British not American though…)

https://www.newsweek.com/americans-are-using-pto-to-sleep-not-for-vacation-report-10783162

But maybe go somewhere to sleep. I do every year. I have a partner of 30 plus years but we both do 4 days a year away on our own in self catering to just read and sleep. Just somewhere that the weather is good but not too hot. This year I did Palanga on the Baltic Coast in Lithuania. The change of Environment is good. But I spent most of the time sleeping and reading. It's well worth it.