Single so I never go away on holiday

[JNicholson]

I’m realising I’ve become completely crap, since post-pandemic made travel abroad a thing again, at booking time off for myself and actually going away somewhere. I seem to have got into an awful habit of basically just spending annual leave at home (and not even away somewhere else in the UK), sleeping late and eating crap and watching TV. Which can be enjoyable, sometimes, but it’s definitely not uplifting and it makes the whole year feel sludgey and samey and as if you haven’t really had actual holiday. I feel like one of those empty nest divorcees who says she doesn’t feel it’s worth cooking a proper meal when it’s just her. I never thought I’d be like this, but I feel like I’ve become really bad at giving myself permission to have an actual holiday. My job is stressful and full on (although I mostly wfh) and it’s so easy to go ‘oh I can’t afford to take time to actually plan and book something abroad, it will be easier to just have a staycation and then I won’t have the post-trip adjustment either, it will be easier to just go back to work’. But it’s meaning I really don’t feel like I have much of a life outside work. I kind of think how much easier it would be if I had a partner and had to go away because they wanted it. Has anyone else experienced this? How did you pull yourself out of it?

Travelling with someone else just so that you have a companion can be over-rated. It relies upon you both wanting to do the same things, whether relaxing by the pool, sightseeing or cultural things. It also relies upon the companion being ok with you taking a bit f ME time if you dont want to be together all the time. Ive been on holidays like these and hated it. That was why I began to travel alone. I travelled often to conferences with my academic job and that gave me confidemnce to strike out as a solo. Upto 7 years ago I travelled solo around the MIddle East to countries like Egypt, UAE and others like Iran and Syria which it is not possible to visit safely now. I also have mobility issues which have put an end to my journeyings.

I often found that while I was fully occupied during the day eating alone in the evening was less fun. But I wa soften too tired to go out and settled for room service.

You could start out with a couple of UK city weekend breaks and see how it goes. Then branch out from there. Travelling alone is not difficult but does take organization and confidence. The devil is in detailed planning.

I'm just back from 2 weeks holiday by myself in the UK, seeing loads of museums and galleries I am interested in, and walking by the sea and swimming in lidos, reading. I've also done lots of city breaks and yoga retreats by myself. I've had far more holidays alone than with others.

I make myself do it, because I know if I don't, I will feel a lot worse than taking time off and not doing anything. We can only carry over 5 days leave, and I had to book some. I knew if I stayed home alone - a couple of days is fine, but I don't want to spend all my leave getting the garden in shape, or tidying cupboards or whatever.

Edit.

Solo is the best way to travel! You get to choose the destination, mode of transport and how you spend your time once you get there.

I'm fairly newly single. I kind of know what you mean.

I do go away though. I have been going to places that I always wanted to visit that exDP wasn't interested in.

I have also been on a yoga retreat, so I had a room to myself but had all my meals and did the yoga with the other people who had booked. I thought that was a good balance.

The city break sounds like a good plan. You could have a good lunch while out and about and have wine and easy food on the balcony in the evening if you don't feel like going out for dinner alone.

@JNicholson after 8 years of just focussing on the kids after my DH died - I did and still do holiday with them - last year I decided to join a fb group - my age group - and go for a coffee to meet people. It was the best decision ever. There are now 17 of us in a closed group and we do all sorts of stuff together. I was at a festival yesterday with several of the girls.

This year I've been away for a few weekends and have a trip to Copenhagen in Nov.

We have a walking group and cruise club - 2 of the girls are going on a cruise next year - it's just brilliant. We've already agreed we're going to North Wales for a week next year.

A friend in the group has just come back from a weeks holiday I helped her arrange, she invited me along, but I couldn't get time off work. That's how quickly we have all become good enough friends that we know we can spend a lot of time together.

You may need to test out a few groups but honestly, there's nothing to lose, just choose wisely and have fun!

I’ve been single my whole life but it hasn’t stopped me from travelling. I started by going on group holidays, then as I got more confident (and the internet made it easier) started arranging everything for myself. Why not try planning a holiday in the UK somewhere you’ve never been and take it from there?

I was single from the age of 23 until I was 44. I travelled solo several times a year and absolutely loved it. Since I met my partner it has been a huge adjustment to be on holiday with another person.

I don't think many people take a traditional package holiday alone. Unless you're really ok spending all of your time by yourself I think it might make it worse to be honest. It doesn't mean you can't travel though.

*You could try holidays for solo travellers but they can be expensive.
*There's a website called Join My Trip with independent tour guides with all sorts of things available.
*As others suggested, there's hobby based (or 'learn to...') travel, eg walking, yoga retreat, diving, cooking.
*You could look at a work/volunteer opportunity that you can do for a week or two.
*How about trying a weekend or an overnight somewhere in the UK to see how you get on. Maybe a short trip alone would be ok.

have been in your situation often - am in it currently- I think Scandi countries are particularly good for solo city breaks… they get the concept better than the Med! Yes to market halls but also restaurants with communal tables are more of a thing. Social dining - where people go to talk and mix is esp strong in Copenhagen - try Folkehuset Absalon (cheap) and Kanalhuset (bit more expensive)…

@JNicholson I really recommend flashpack.
It's a bit pricey but you get good value.. the hotels are chefs kiss and so fancy and everything is done for you (transfers activities etc).

Zero stress. I met nice people too.

I have been married for over 25 years and still do holidays on my own ( as well as with DH). I organise them myself.
I love solo travel.

I travel solo or with my child or friends. Don't wait to live your life just because you're not in a relationship.

I am also divorced and have adult kids and a younger one who is 50/50 between me and other parent so I have the opportunity to go away alone or with friends. I haven’t been away alone yet since the divorce but on this year’s family holiday I actually thought I’d love a long weekend away on my own, just reading and enjoying the beach. Next year I think I might do it. Or you could try a break with a friend?

First
y being in a relationship doesn’t give you more money to suddenly do things! Quite the opposite. The question you need to ask yourself is would you prefer to never see Paris or go on your own and even though may be better with someone else, is it better than ,siding out altogether? Spoiler - the answer is go on own! Start small with a night in hotel 2 hours away from where you live and plan out the two days within budget. Look at small group holidays so Exodus, Explore, Intrepid. You can share rooms or pay bit extra for your own. I have met loads of people and an ex boyfriend that way. Speak to friends as you may find some who feel the same and want to get away. I also go away with my mum and half sister at times. Going on own means you can forward plan and book early to get those nice cottages or the single rooms. You can do exactly what you want when you want! Once you start, you won’t stop. Consider joining national trust for £8 a month, they have some great places to visit and I always end up chatting to people as the volunteers are so friendly! Got offered a job at one yesterday! Go to cinema on your own, try a cafe for a breakfast on your own. I tend to do early dinners if on own then back to hotel with a smalll bottle of wine or cocktail can for some Netflix! Take that first step and you won’t look back. If it’s a choice between doing something alone or never doing it then you need to choose doing it alone! You will see you aren’t the only one.

I don’t know if this will help.

Ive read that humans need four things in life.

Passions - hobbies, interests etc.
Meaning - a sense of purpose (different for different people)
Connectivity - some sort of social life
Novelty - the opposite of being in a rut and doing the same things everyday.

Ive started living alone after retiring and I’m working on the last two.

OP I did this, booked myself into a nice hotel for four nights in a city I wanted to go to. The room was cheap because it was off peak. I booked a walking tour really as a way of orienting myself the first morning but I got talking to several people on the tour and did things with various of them over the next few days, also with people I met at the hotel. It surprised me that felt like I wasn't very much alone at all, even though I'd planned to be and it wouldn't have been a problem. It definitely wasn't the same as being on my own at home - when you're in a different environment things are different, people are different, you are different. It's not at all just more of the same.

It sounds like you've lost your mojo but you can get it back. When you've got nothing stopping you, sometimes there's nothing starting you either - so give yourself a forced start. Honestly just think of somewhere you want to go, google city centre hotels and cheap flights then book it. I think you'll be amazed at how easy it is and how enjoyable.

I think it's different though when you live with someone and have someone to share things with day to day. Sometimes going away on your own feels like going from being on your own in one place to being on your own in another and it can be hard to find the enthusiasm to do that. That's not to say OP shouldn't try, I think it can be enjoyable but it is different.

My old manager was single and had an absolutely brilliant social life through a singles travel / social club. I think they were called Spice? She was literally off around some exciting place in the world every year and then more local / uk based events across the year.
you only live once OP

If you want a solo holiday try something like much better adventures - they do 4 day trips as well so you can see if you like it. Admittedly they are active holidays but not all strenuous - there is a ebike trip around the Prosecco hills in Italy & learning about the wine making there.

Exodus do holidays for individuals as well.

Exactly this, this is the issue.

How do you spend your weekends?

being in a relationship doesn’t give you more money to suddenly do things

Er, with respect - of course it does. If you live with someone, it halves your housing costs, and if you’re going abroad, it halves the cost of a hotel room or AirBnB.

Is there a country you always wanted to see. Is there an activity you always wanted to do.

If so go on the website ls GAdventures, exodus and explore. See, if there's anything that takes your fancy. I had the most amazing holiday with g adventures not too long ago. Also, they are a Canadian company. So the majority of participants are from north america, and I have to say that are easier to break the ice with and speak to.