Single so I never go away on holiday

[JNicholson]

I’m realising I’ve become completely crap, since post-pandemic made travel abroad a thing again, at booking time off for myself and actually going away somewhere. I seem to have got into an awful habit of basically just spending annual leave at home (and not even away somewhere else in the UK), sleeping late and eating crap and watching TV. Which can be enjoyable, sometimes, but it’s definitely not uplifting and it makes the whole year feel sludgey and samey and as if you haven’t really had actual holiday. I feel like one of those empty nest divorcees who says she doesn’t feel it’s worth cooking a proper meal when it’s just her. I never thought I’d be like this, but I feel like I’ve become really bad at giving myself permission to have an actual holiday. My job is stressful and full on (although I mostly wfh) and it’s so easy to go ‘oh I can’t afford to take time to actually plan and book something abroad, it will be easier to just have a staycation and then I won’t have the post-trip adjustment either, it will be easier to just go back to work’. But it’s meaning I really don’t feel like I have much of a life outside work. I kind of think how much easier it would be if I had a partner and had to go away because they wanted it. Has anyone else experienced this? How did you pull yourself out of it?

what do you LIKE to do?

You won't get the same advice if you just fancy reading your book in front of a pool in a lovely AI resort, or if you love exploring new countries or hiking.

Either way, friends, family.

Even people in a relationship go away without their partner (and kids) but with their friends. If your friends only go for a long weekend because of family commitments, nothing stops you from arriving a few days early (or staying longer).

I think all my married friends go away at least every couple of month without partner! I am off next weekend with my bestie, DH will just have to deal with the kids (and I'll deal with them when he's off).

I'm single and go on holiday alone several times a year.

I have been single for fifteen years, very happily.

I go on holiday at least three times a year, sometimes more often. I go with friends, family, or alone.

It has honestly never occurred to me that I shouldn’t/couldn’t travel without a romantic partner.

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Hmm- not sure your situation is the same?

@JNicholson not for holiday specifically but I can sort of sympathise

I was somebody who never wanted to get married or have kids. Until 2020 I had enough friends and just people to talk to about how my day was going. They disappeared. (won't go into it because it's well documented here)

Now I really struggle with being alone almost all all the time. This seems to have happened relatively recently. I'm 49.

I have debated trying to get a boyfriend that I don't want anyway. But I really don't want one.

I really need to work out a way to motivate myself to do stuff, but I'm just so sick of going everywhere on my own. I have been lucky and found a couple of new social contacts, but I'm very wary of pushing anything too far or seeming too needy etc so suggest suggesting a day trip or something like that is not something I would do yet. At the moment it's more just local pub meet up.

I did a lot of travelling in the past, so I'm not too fussed about holidays as such. But I have had a couple of weekends away in the UK which I didn't really enjoy because of being on my own.

I don't mind settling down and reading a book on my own this evening. Generally, I don't mind being on my own a lot of the time. But even from that perspective, it's getting too much. So I sympathise.

I'm single and struggling with the idea of going away alone too. For myself I'm thinking starting small, maybe a little long weekend seaside break to somewhere not too far. Book into a little cottage, have a couple of long walks, eat some fish and chips, potter around a little seaside town and a couple of glasses of wine and an early night. Don't put too much pressure on yourself but sounds like you recognise you'd benefit from a change of scene. Just a night in a spa or 1 night in a new city might do you good and make you feel like you've made a start.

I got divorced just over 10 years ago & am happily childfree.

I absolutely love solo holidays, though I do sometimes go with my sister or visit places where I can meet up with friends for a day. I’m just back from a week in Italy & I’m thinking about Norway next year.

Start with something that’s going to take minimal organisation & work up.

Sounds great. To clarify, I certainly wasn’t meaning to imply that all or even the majority of empty nest divorcees feel that it’s not worth cooking for themselves, and it’s certainly not an attitude I agree with - that was kind of my point. I just know I’ve heard from a few on here that did feel that way (but were trying to pull themselves out of it).

Do you have a particular hobby or interest? You can find special interest or activity holidays or summer schools, in UK or abroad, for all kinds of interests. It doesn't have to be a physical activity if that's not your thing.

Or if you're interested in historic buldings, mseums and art galleries, start by booking a short break, say 3-4 nights, in a UK city. You can have brunch or lunch out and buy food to eat in your room in the evening if you don't want to eat dinner in a restaurant alone.

The weather can be very nice in October - get some leave booked and book yourself a Premier or Travelodge somewhere. Stick a pin in a map if you can't decide where.

(I go away with friends, but I also book trips on my own sometimes too.)

Love solo holidays, prefer some form of activity available but not mandatory so I can op out if I want. Ideally a group activity in the morning, afternoon potentially free and then dinner together if you want to join in.

I’ve had good experiences with walking, yoga and multi activity groups. I’ve also had just an evening away and joined a local walk Ramblers’s typically then a meal and early bed.

hope you find what works for you.

I did lots of solo travel pre pandemic, including some fairly ambitious international trips. I just seemed to lose my mojo afterwards. I think it’s partly due to feeling lonelier in general, it was quite an isolating period for me. There’s a big difference between living a full social life at home but popping off for a week or two on your own, and being on your own most of the time at home but then thinking about potentially being on your own in a strange country as well. I do know I need to move past that though.

Honestly, this was one of the worst things about being single for me.

Friends were coupled up, I really don’t fancy solo type holidays and going away on your own is kind of OK but it’s not great, really.

So no advice but I really sympathise.

Thanks for all the replies. I think this one sums up best what I’d enjoy - I’m sure group holidays can be great but not really my thing. I think just making myself book a short-ish city break somewhere lovely and cultural would be a good start.

I kind of get this. I am newly single kids still at home but I am proactively widening my social circle for when then leave home (5 years, 9 moths, 2 weeks and 3 days, not that I am counting.)
I can’t wait for my freedom. Grab it!

Do you want to travel? I have a friend who is single and travels all over the world. She goes to some more remote locations that you need to be on guided tours...she always has a fantastic time and invariably meets other people on the trips that she keeps in touch with.

I used to travel and holiday alone for a few years. Definitely prefer my own company to a "singles" trip or forced fun and like to wander and explore at my own pace. Much as I love holidaying with my kids at the moment I'm also looking forward to being a "divorced empty-nester" and taking trips on my own. I've done all sorts, from hitch-hiking around New Zealand on my own to getting the eurostar to Paris for the weekend to spending 2 weeks in Mumbai and Goa on coaches, trains and motorbikes.

It sounds like you've got in a rut and don't feel like its worth bothering if you can't share the experience with a loved one. You need to re-frame this in your mind and think of things you'd like to do one day and then plan to do them before the opportunity passes you by. Work shouldn't be your sole focus.

The good thing about this sort of holiday is that if you live near a decent airport you can fly anywhere in Europe at a time that suits you and if you're not tied to school holidays you get get some fabulous deals. Then book accommodation around your flights. Have a look at "Extreme Day Trips" for some ideas of fun short city breaks.

Just book a package holiday so you don't have to plan anything

Just do it. Its very liberating. I have a husband now but I travelled around Italy solo and it was great. I saw and did every I wanted to do. Start off with simple - go to the cinema. If that is easy then do a weekend away.

Yes a think a short city break is the answer to get you out of your rut - even if you get cold feet, go anyway and treat it as an experiment. If you book it for the middle of a week off work you will have a few days before and after to decompress. I find the key to travelling on my own is to book a nice hotel - it doesn't have to be expensive but something along the lines of boutique budget B&B - so you feel safe and enjoy being in the room.

I felt every word of that, but I won't repeat my post

Do you mind if I ask, has it affected you in other ways other than holidays? I'm struggling with a lot of things without having anyone around.

I think a lot of comments do come from people who have better situations with regards to family and friends

If you do start with a weekend away, I hope you enjoy it. I was a little bit unprepared when I didn't enjoy mine. But hopefully you will have a different experience.

I do it no problem. I book it in or I'd do exactly as you & just be at home, or as I'm self employed I'd just end up working & get no break at all.

I just linked a work trip to 3 days on my own exploring & early summer had a short week away on my own too.

I have just been on an HF walking holiday. It was good fun (and exercise!) and there were many single people on it. By the end of a couple of days you find you've spoken to many of them and know their names.

Many travel companies offer holidays for solo travellers now