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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset about with DH for leaving me at home either 2 kids while sick?

113 replies

Amariel13 · 13/09/2025 03:45

I am admittedly not in a good mood at the moment, which may be clouding my judgement, so if I am being unreasonable I will readily apologise to DH.

I have been sick for a few days now. I’m feeling somewhat better, but am still very congested to the point I can’t breathe through my nose at all. As such, I’m not sleeping well at all and am just all around feeling crappy. DC2 is also unwell, seemingly with the same thing I have (he keeps spiking a temperature and getting chills though).

Today there’s a local fair on that we take the DC to every year. DC2 and I are obviously not well enough to go. DH decided this morning that he was still going to take DC1 but would leave DC3 at home with me also (he’s healthy but only 19 months old so cannot go on any rides or anything). He told DC1 this and did not think to check with me first whether I was up to caring for 2 children, 1 of whom is unwell, while also being unwell myself. I would have preferred DH take DC1 and DC3 so DC2 and I could rest but felt I had to agree so as not to disappoint DC1 (who doesn’t want to go on rides by himself).

DH and I ended up having an argument about it once the DC had left the room. I told him it would’ve been nice to be consulted on his plans instead of just assuming I’d be okay to solo parent at the moment. I also said he didn’t handle it very tactfully, as DC2 is now quite upset that he can’t go to the fair and I’ll have to deal with that. DH got defensive and said he’d take DC3 but then DC1 will have to go on rides by himself, they can’t do anything, etc etc. I told him to just forget it, I’d handle the DC, I have no energy to argue.

The fair is on until 9pm tonight and DH chose to go at 11am, leaving me to prepare lunch for our other DC and get DC3 down for his nap afterwards. This has just added to my annoyance - he couldn’t have gone down after lunch and helped me with those things? I’ve also since found out that he’s met up with 2 of his sisters and their families down at the fair, so DC1 is doing rides and things with his cousins. Meaning that DH could have taken DC3 with him to give me a break.

DH just called me to “check in” and I can tell he thinks he hasn’t done anything wrong. I, however, think he’s being a right dick - but is this unreasonable of me?

OP posts:
PeenaM · 15/09/2025 07:40

You are being unreasonable.

It’s a cold, you can still do things with a cold.
I still go to work when full of cold, working with children with disabilities challenging behaviour. Does it suck feeling so crappy, absolutely. But you get on with it. Take cold & flu tablets.

Im due to have surgery in the next few weeks, I will have god knows how many stitches in my bum. 48 hours after surgery I will be back doing the school run. It will hurt as I have to drive and it’s going to be painful sitting, but husband is self employed and we can’t afford for him to keep losing hours at work. So I will just get on with it. I’ll still be making the packed lunches and cooking dinner while recovering. That’s life!

IsThistheMiddleofNowhere · 15/09/2025 09:00

I think you're being hard on him. He did what he thought was best. From his point of view, he was ensuring your DC didn't miss out. I think every mother has had to carry on with a cold and a couple of young children at some point.

schtompy · 15/09/2025 09:17

Amariel13 · 15/09/2025 02:08

Wow, do you get enjoyment from being such a rude and nasty person?

If you’d read other posts, you’d see that I was home on Friday with DC2 and DC3 while both DC2 and I were sick because DH had to work. It wasn’t mentioned in my OP because I wasn’t upset about that. It sucked but it is what it is. I’m also home today, again with DC3 and a still sick DC2, and I’m not much better at all. But it’s a Monday and DH has to work. But it was a Saturday and DH was home - I didn’t think some help and allowing me to rest when he didn’t have to work was too much to ask.

Show quote history

No I don’t get enjoyment, that is your perception. You ask for opinions.

pikkumyy77 · 15/09/2025 12:43

The pub for men is in hades. Take gender out if it and there is no way his behavior is reasonable.

Contrarymary30 · 15/09/2025 12:48

Unfortunately once you have kids you have to cope with being unwell and still looking after them . Is your husband usually at home to help ? I think it was a nice thing for him to do for the well child .

thepariscrimefiles · 15/09/2025 12:56

Worriedalltheday · 13/09/2025 17:12

Wow you have been so UR op. How was dc meant to go on rides alone? Couldn’t you put the tv on for a few hours while they were out? I’m with him on this

He knew beforehand that he would be meeting his family there but didn't tell OP. DC1 went on the rides with their cousins not with his dad. OP has said:

'He apologised and readily admitted that he knew he could’ve taken DC3 but chose not to.'

thepariscrimefiles · 15/09/2025 13:02

schtompy · 14/09/2025 19:34

Tis life, I was ill several times and at home looking after my 2 DC when they were ill and when they weren’t. DH still had to go to work to bring home the bread. Get over it. Both my SIL had the same except they had 3 DC, not 2. You’re a mother now, step up.

OP's DH wasn't at work because it was the weekend. He has admitted that he knew beforehand that he would be meeting his family there but didn't tell OP. DCI went on the rides with his cousins. OP has said that her DH admitted that he could have taken DC3 but didn't want to.

OP doesn't need to grow up. That's such a childish, pathetic insult.

AnneElliott · 15/09/2025 13:09

Im with you op and really surprised at some of the responses you’re getting on this thread. Glad your DH understands and accepts that it was unfair not to take DC3.

There really is a low bar for men though isn’t there? I’d be really disappointed if my DS behaved like this.

Chef2 · 15/09/2025 13:33

What are you talking about what is DH and DC1 etc it makes no sense

Blablibladirladada · 15/09/2025 18:06

Amariel13 · 15/09/2025 01:48

If DH was the one who was sick, there’s no way I’d have left DC3 with him. I’d have left him and DC2 to rest at home and taken the healthy DC to the fair, whether I was meeting family/friends or not. Not because DH cannot handle 2 kids but because he was unwell. I’d also have done it to try and minimise DC3’s exposure in the hopes that he wouldn’t also become unwell.

Show quote history

Hear ya’
noone wants a baby getting sick.

I hope you feel much better and you and do have a stronger strategy for the future.

NeverEnterFromTheBackDoor · 15/09/2025 18:08

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 13/09/2025 06:03

It does seem as if men can’t win sometimes! Your DH was being proactive and his plan is the best plan in this situation so that your eldest could enjoy the rides. ‘Solo parenting’ in your own home is really not a big issue, Hope you feel better soon.

Yep. Ridiculous.

Spinmerightroundbaby · 15/09/2025 20:28

Amariel13 · 13/09/2025 03:45

I am admittedly not in a good mood at the moment, which may be clouding my judgement, so if I am being unreasonable I will readily apologise to DH.

I have been sick for a few days now. I’m feeling somewhat better, but am still very congested to the point I can’t breathe through my nose at all. As such, I’m not sleeping well at all and am just all around feeling crappy. DC2 is also unwell, seemingly with the same thing I have (he keeps spiking a temperature and getting chills though).

Today there’s a local fair on that we take the DC to every year. DC2 and I are obviously not well enough to go. DH decided this morning that he was still going to take DC1 but would leave DC3 at home with me also (he’s healthy but only 19 months old so cannot go on any rides or anything). He told DC1 this and did not think to check with me first whether I was up to caring for 2 children, 1 of whom is unwell, while also being unwell myself. I would have preferred DH take DC1 and DC3 so DC2 and I could rest but felt I had to agree so as not to disappoint DC1 (who doesn’t want to go on rides by himself).

DH and I ended up having an argument about it once the DC had left the room. I told him it would’ve been nice to be consulted on his plans instead of just assuming I’d be okay to solo parent at the moment. I also said he didn’t handle it very tactfully, as DC2 is now quite upset that he can’t go to the fair and I’ll have to deal with that. DH got defensive and said he’d take DC3 but then DC1 will have to go on rides by himself, they can’t do anything, etc etc. I told him to just forget it, I’d handle the DC, I have no energy to argue.

The fair is on until 9pm tonight and DH chose to go at 11am, leaving me to prepare lunch for our other DC and get DC3 down for his nap afterwards. This has just added to my annoyance - he couldn’t have gone down after lunch and helped me with those things? I’ve also since found out that he’s met up with 2 of his sisters and their families down at the fair, so DC1 is doing rides and things with his cousins. Meaning that DH could have taken DC3 with him to give me a break.

DH just called me to “check in” and I can tell he thinks he hasn’t done anything wrong. I, however, think he’s being a right dick - but is this unreasonable of me?

YANBU. I understand his perspective but he was being inconsiderate, especially as other family helped out.

Original poster
Amariel13 · 15/09/2025 22:57

Contrarymary30 · 15/09/2025 12:48

Unfortunately once you have kids you have to cope with being unwell and still looking after them . Is your husband usually at home to help ? I think it was a nice thing for him to do for the well child .

During the week, no, DH is not home to help until about 6pm. You sure do have to cope sometimes, and as I’ve mentioned a few times now, I did just that on Friday and yesterday, and will do it again today while DH is at work. DC1 has now come down with the same illness, so now I have 2 sick kids to look after. But the situation in question was on a Saturday when DH was home. I was most definitely expecting him to be around to help, and taking BOTH well children out would have been helpful.

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