DP giving me sore head with his rants

[italiansummer1]

On holiday with DP and away from usual stresses. He seems to go on and on whenever I say something he doesn't like and it's very noticeable when we are away on holiday without other stresses. It just turns into a rant when I make a passing comment and I'll then have to apologise and ask him to stop as he's giving me a sore head. I'll give a few examples of interactions just in the past day

• we went to go for a takeaway coffee and our usual shop was closed. Across the street was a takeaway place with smoothies, frappes and also said coffee. I said let's just go over there. It turned into a 10 mins rant of the fact they don't do coffee it's all ice creams, is a frappe the same as a coffee etc. We then walk around for ages and decide not to get a coffee as he didn't just want any old coffee.
• we were having a chat about friends dogs and I made a passing comment that the dog would be sleeping in my bed if it were just me on my own. Turned into a 10 mins rant how I will ruin my dogs behaviour and be a terrible owner and I have no discipline over our dog - basically berating me for saying it.

I know these are really stupid examples but I feel like I need to watch everything that comes out my mouth or I'll be subject to a rant or put down. This is a daily occurrence. How would you respond to this other than just not bloody speaking at all?

Have you told him? But yeah, it would do my nut, too.

I would not be able to stay with someone like that

I wouldn’t put up with it. I would walk away ir end the call or text or whatever format the rant was in. Every time. I would let him know I am not his punching bag. And I would leave if he doesn’t learn to control this behavior.

He sounds awful OP.

He'd get about twenty seconds in to one of his abusive rants before I told him to shut the fuck up and stop speaking to me like that. And yeah, I would also walk away every single time.

Honestly thought everyone would say I was just overreacting. So glad it's not just me as it's ruining the holiday and so exhausting

Sounds really, really tedious.

You need to tell him. If he’s dismissive or doesn’t take on board what you’re saying, you need to give some thought to the relationship.

He'd be dumped.
That behaviour would not be enjoyable to me, not would it enhance my life, and I wouldn't find it attractive.
So he would serve zero purpose as a boyfriend.

Have you told him how you feel about this? Is it possible he doesn't realise how this looks from your POV?

Maybe you should be ready for this and next time he starts put your headphones in. "What? Oh sorry, I assumed this was going to turn into one of your boring ten minute rants so I will just listen to something else while you get it out of your system."

No I couldn’t tolerate this at all. This isn’t normal. Has he always been like this? Or has something changed?
Either he has significant mental health issues or he’s an abusive arsehole. Either way I wouldn’t listen to it.
Id talk to him calmly while he isn’t ranting about how it needs to stop and if he did it again I would tell him to shut up and walk off

Of course he realises, he's berating his girlfriend because he enjoys it.
OP can choose whether it serves her to keep dating this man.

My first husband was like this.
My mum referred to him as The Contrarian. They know damn well the sky’s blue but they’ll insist it’s purple and when, after trying to convince them it’s really blue, you try to placate them and sort of ‘see a bit of purple’, just to get them off your back, you’re then the one in the wrong.
It’s an oppositional disorder of a sort. He’s getting some sort of sick supply out of being a confrontational, critical dickhead.
It’s emotional abuse, nothing less.

Yep I have told him and how it's making me feel that I have to watch what I say but he just shut ignored and then did the same again the next day. Good idea about the headphones and just walking away as might get the message through to him

my ususal question. What does he actually bring to the party apart from headaches?

Why on earth would you stay with someone like this??

Most men do not like women. Harsh but 100% true. You deserve better but then so do I and I still haven’t gotten rid. If you’re a brave one then get rid and wait for one of the good ones (there aren’t many).

How long have you been together?
This doesn’t sound at all normal! Like others said he’s sounds insufferable. Was he always like this? What are his good points as for me this would be so off putting I couldn’t imagine ever fancying him again after the firsts days ranting!

The only message I'd be getting through to him is 'I've thought about it and this relationship isn't working for me. I don't like being ranted at and you have shown clearly that you don't care so I think its best we end it here. Best wishes.

Just tell him you feel you need some time on your own today. Go for a walk, a coffee, a glass of wine and just enjoy the feeling of being on holiday and watching the world go by. Take a book and relax!

How old are you? Do you have kids? Honestly, I couldn't be with someone like this. He sounds like a grumpy, unpleasant person.

Walking away I think is the answer.

"You're doing the ranting thing again, I'm walking away, come find me when you've got it out your system"

Dear god, he sounds awful. Dump him, on the holiday if no kids - he may sulk off home on his own… and then you will still be on holiday, and free to actually enjoy it.

Why are you putting up with this?

You shouldn’t have to manage the behaviour of a life partner like this - he doesn’t sound like he even vaguely likes you let alone respects you. Leave!!! Fgs don’t reproduce with him.

I couldn’t be bothered with that. What are his redeeming qualities?