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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP giving me sore head with his rants

101 replies

italiansummer1 · 12/09/2025 11:19

On holiday with DP and away from usual stresses. He seems to go on and on whenever I say something he doesn't like and it's very noticeable when we are away on holiday without other stresses. It just turns into a rant when I make a passing comment and I'll then have to apologise and ask him to stop as he's giving me a sore head. I'll give a few examples of interactions just in the past day

  • we went to go for a takeaway coffee and our usual shop was closed. Across the street was a takeaway place with smoothies, frappes and also said coffee. I said let's just go over there. It turned into a 10 mins rant of the fact they don't do coffee it's all ice creams, is a frappe the same as a coffee etc. We then walk around for ages and decide not to get a coffee as he didn't just want any old coffee.
  • we were having a chat about friends dogs and I made a passing comment that the dog would be sleeping in my bed if it were just me on my own. Turned into a 10 mins rant how I will ruin my dogs behaviour and be a terrible owner and I have no discipline over our dog - basically berating me for saying it.

I know these are really stupid examples but I feel like I need to watch everything that comes out my mouth or I'll be subject to a rant or put down. This is a daily occurrence. How would you respond to this other than just not bloody speaking at all?

OP posts:
XiCi · 12/09/2025 13:34

thebabayaga2025 · 12/09/2025 11:27

He'd get about twenty seconds in to one of his abusive rants before I told him to shut the fuck up and stop speaking to me like that. And yeah, I would also walk away every single time.

Edited

Exactly this. Id probably start with 'WTF is wrong with you, it's just a coffee and you can get one here, are you completely unhinged' . If it carried on it would be a walk away every time and letting him know I won't tolerate it. Was he always like this, or is he going through a really stressful time at work or something?

squidsin · 12/09/2025 13:36

I'd dump him.

Patronising, supercilious twunt.

cbbo · 12/09/2025 13:36

‘Have you finished yet darling?’ ‘Off on another rant are we?’
start calling him out at the time he’s doing it

Frankenbetty · 12/09/2025 13:39

More fool you for being with him

BeeCucumber · 12/09/2025 13:43

Life is far too short to put up with this person in your life. You know what you need to do.

Cannedlaughter · 12/09/2025 13:44

Yep. Agree with cbbo.
I’d be saying ‘rant incoming, rant incoming, warning, warning, rant incoming’ with my fingers held up to my mouth like I was talking into a tannoy, every time he said it.
or I would be very sarcastic and say. ‘Darling, what would I do without your wise words, thank you so much, I’m so lucky’ and smile very over the top sweetly at him.
next option is to give him an ultimatum and stick by it.

WiddlinDiddlin · 12/09/2025 13:46

Ugh... what a cock. Get rid.

Also the dog one pisses me right off... he's flat out wrong and most of the trainers/behaviourists I know (which is rather a lot!) including myself... have dogs who sleep where they like including on our beds at times! :D

Not the point I know!

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 12/09/2025 13:47

I'd have another chat with him and make it clear that where its just a difference of opinion you will not tolerate being ranted at. He can make his point once but any more than that and you will remind him that youre allowed a differnt opinion without getting shouted at, and walk off. And follow through

ShoeeMcfee · 12/09/2025 13:51

Get rid of the moaning git and be happy and free. Then you can cuddle your Ddog whenever you like.

mistlethrush · 12/09/2025 13:52

Oooh I like the approach of 'it must be an illness, you must go and see a Dr'... so next time he starts you can interrupt him and say, 'I've noticed that you're doing this more, it's a possible indicator of x so I think that you should go and get assessed to make sure you don't need immediate treatment' - and everytime that he starts again, again interrupt him and point out that he's having a rant at you again... This way you're looking out for him, and if he sees someone and continues to rant at you you know that it's entirely his choice to rant at him (so make him an Ex-P) and if he doesn't go an see someone you can also leave him as if he's not willing to get checked out he's not worth putting up with the rants for.

sophiecygnet · 12/09/2025 13:53

If there are no kids involved then I recommend freedom. No bloke and no dog just independence.

Househassles · 12/09/2025 14:02

Yep I have told him and how it's making me feel that I have to watch what I say but he just shut ignored and then did the same again the next day.

So he wouldn't engage with you, didn't acknowledge that there is an issue in your relationship (and if one of you is distressed by the other's ongoing behaviour then there IS an issue for you both, even if the other doesn't understand yet and hasn't experienced a problem), and made no commitment to understand what's wrong and try to resolve it? Fuck that.

If he'd said he'd try and was just being crap at it, I'd say remind him every time and walk away if he doesn't stop, but what's the point? To get through this holiday, though, it might help to remember that the two of you aren't glued together. For example, you could simply have gone to the coffee place you spotted and let him choose whether to come along and see if they also have regular coffee as they advertised or go off on his own. But don't let him come with you and continue haranguing you.

tara66 · 12/09/2025 14:08

Record, record, record him!!
Then replay it to him often and anywhere if he starts again - he is probably repeating himself anyway!
Hope he likes the sound of his own voice!

AutumnLover1989 · 12/09/2025 14:16

The moment he starts one of his rants,make a show of putting in your headphones and walk away. Failing that,just end it. He's a dick.

JustPassingThyme · 12/09/2025 14:23

tara66 · 12/09/2025 14:08

Record, record, record him!!
Then replay it to him often and anywhere if he starts again - he is probably repeating himself anyway!
Hope he likes the sound of his own voice!

Yes! Record him, then wait until a moment when you are both together and relaxing, and it's all quiet. Pull out your phone, a pen, and some paper. Play the recording of him at top volume while you take notes on what he said.

If he asks what are you doing, say you were talking so passionately I thought it must be important to you, so I really want to remember exactly what you said and learn it properly.

Then keep playing the recordings on top volume on repeat over and over again.

This may work best if you are in a very public place and there are other people around, or do it when his parents/friends are present.

He should stop his rants pretty quickly.

WFHforevermore · 12/09/2025 14:24

You obv. dont like him, his views, opinion's etc, so why are you with him?

They dont seem extreme, just opposite and annoying for you, so move on and you can both be happy.

WFHforevermore · 12/09/2025 14:24

JustPassingThyme · 12/09/2025 14:23

Yes! Record him, then wait until a moment when you are both together and relaxing, and it's all quiet. Pull out your phone, a pen, and some paper. Play the recording of him at top volume while you take notes on what he said.

If he asks what are you doing, say you were talking so passionately I thought it must be important to you, so I really want to remember exactly what you said and learn it properly.

Then keep playing the recordings on top volume on repeat over and over again.

This may work best if you are in a very public place and there are other people around, or do it when his parents/friends are present.

He should stop his rants pretty quickly.

Show quote history

Thats a pathetic way to live. OP doesnt like him, so move on.

cramptramp · 12/09/2025 14:29

You’re far too patient OP. I’d have told him to fuck off and walked away.

Tontostitis · 12/09/2025 17:36

Does he like you? I'd start by asking him that. Follow up with you behave as if you don't like me and if that's the case let's just call it quits as life is too short for this shit. Then follow through.

Ohmygodthepain · 12/09/2025 17:49

I'd be breaking up with him is how I'd respond to that. Are you never allowed to pass comment or make a suggestion for the rest of your relationship?

Life's too short op. It really is.

Screamingabdabz · 12/09/2025 17:56

Why are you apologising? Just because he has a strong opinion doesn’t make him right and you wrong. Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has got one. You don’t have to be cowed or berated by him, or any man. Even if you were wrong every single time, you still have a right to disagree and have your own mind and views.

Stop being a wet wipe. And to paraphrase the great Peter Kay, just tell him you’re supposed to be on holiday and to shut the fuck up and have a Solero.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 12/09/2025 18:01

Do you have dcs with him?

if not, why is he not an exp? This is bizarre behaviour and really not something you need to put up with.

if you do have dcs, then that makes it harder to end it, but ultimately you can’t inflict children to this, you can’t let them grow up thinking that’s a normal way for a man to speak to a woman.

bengalcat · 12/09/2025 18:04

I’d have told him I’d rather have the dog on/in my bed than him

outerspacepotato · 12/09/2025 18:12

Daily rants over petty shit like coffee and hypotheticals?

Dump him. This is not fixable.

Househassles · 12/09/2025 20:19

WFHforevermore · 12/09/2025 14:24

You obv. dont like him, his views, opinion's etc, so why are you with him?

They dont seem extreme, just opposite and annoying for you, so move on and you can both be happy.

The issue isn't his views; not liking the look of an untried coffee place or not wanting the dog on the bed is perfectly normal. Haranguing and ranting at your partner and constantly putting them down is not. OP says I feel like I need to watch everything that comes out my mouth or I'll be subject to a rant or put down. This is a daily occurrence. This isn't just an incompatibility issue, let alone the fault of the OP for not liking her partner.