RSV season warning in family chat

[AutumnIsHereAnd]

My SIL has today shared a “warning” in our family group chat to say we are no longer allowed to kiss my nephews (even on the HAND!), because of “RSV season”. The boys are 4 and 15 months. AIBU to think this is absolutely ridiculous, especially given the fact they’re the ones who are always poorly?! She’s said if any of us kiss them we won’t be seeing them for the rest of winter!

The more determined OP is off her right to kiss the children I can’t help but wonder if this is a way the SIL is trying to implement some boundaries either regards to kissing.

My child died from RSV she wasn’t immune suppressed or ill before - just a very sad situation.
Since then I have had severe health anxiety so if she doesn’t want you to kiss them just don’t it’s not that hard and gives her some peace of mind.

I hinted at that upthread.
It's a really bizarre overreaction from OP.
Nobody needs to kiss a child.

Of course they can, that’s the case with absolutely everything, but you minimise the risks where you can and a really easy way to do that is to simply tell people not to put their MOUTH on your child. There’s no need for anyone to do that anyway.

My child is thriving thankfully, I’ll stick to the facts and precautions that are proven to help reduce the risks rather than this bollocks thanks!

I've never kissed another persons child.

It's the way it was announced on a group Whatsapp chat that would have got my back up (and prob OPs too)

If someone was doing 4 free days of childcare a month for me I'd discuss it with them directly - not announce the terms & conditions in a group chat.

A conversation next time they met , or if that was too much for SIL a direct message saying 'i really appreciate the free childcare, I'm really worrying about RSV this year there's been a few kids get real sick with it, can we all be careful with hand washing etc & no kissing - blowing kisses instead would be lovely, thanks DSil' would have done the job.

So how did your kid end up with it then?

Why would a perfectly normal request get someone's back up though? OP probably shouldn't have been kissing the children to start with, it's not necessary.

People are just being obtuse on here. A parent saying ‘don’t kiss my child’ isn’t trying to shield them from the entire world so they never catch a cold again and ruin all their social skills. They are thinking what can I do to mitigate risks in a small way while not ruining their day to day life - washing hands, encouraging kid not to lick the floor, not getting kissed by wider family and friends. It’s not an over reaction, it’s a reasonable basic request not to do something totally unnecessary, that might just help avoid a cold or two.

Did you not actually read what they said?

I can see exactly why the SIL pitched it in a fairly benign way in a family chat rather than speaking to the OP. This type of overreaction to things won’t be a one-off.

OP, why have you taken this personally? You are acting like you feel shamed. It’s an absolutely reasonable request from the children’s mother

Please do this!!

You've clearly never sat in hospital watching your baby struggling to breathe on a ventilator after catching RSV because someone thought you were being pedantic and kissed your baby anyway.....
Being told my baby could go 'either way' in the next 48hrs was the worst time in my life

I'm so very sorry 💐.

Even to a perfectly healthy 4mth old it can be deadly. Their Airways are so delicate they can collapse at any moment once they contract RSV.
Why would you even consider risking the life of a baby through something as simple as not kissing them and washing your hands??

It’s more representative than you would think. Plenty of healthy children are hospitalised with RSV/bronchitis every single year (worked on children’s wards for a long time).
My own child has been on a few occasions and is normally perfectly healthy.

Your sister in law is being a bit overkill as bugs will come their way at nursery ect anyway.
However she must have a reason for feeling this way and you don’t really need to kiss them, cuddles are enough so just let it be and enjoy your time with your family. It’s not really about you, she’s obviously got concerns for whatever reason.

OP - I've read all your posts.

You sound like you've never been up night after night after night looking after a sick child while grinding through the infection yourself.

You sound callous and awful and honestly, if you tell the mother you are not going to see them 'till April, I don't think they'll miss you.

Because people like OP thought their need to put their scruffy lips on babies that are not theirs trumped my child’s health.

Don’t. Kiss. Kids. That. Aren’t. Yours.

Really simple, not controversial, hope that helps xxx

I have never worried that I was about to die from a common cold. I don't have any respiratory issues and am a healthy adult but I was fighting so hard to get my next breath when I had RSV and once or twice I didn't think I'd manage it.

What has kissing got to do with RSV? Does it spread differently from other respiratory infections? Which would be any kind of close contact / breathing on the child. I don't think saliva on unbroken skin would pass RSV on to a child, but speaking to them up close or hugging with your faces close together surely would. It's a bit arbitrary to ban kissing.

Has the messaging gotten mixed up with the advice for prevention of HSV (Herpes) which is primarily spread by kisses?

Mad or not in your opinion, kids can't consent and adults do it (or withhold it) on their behalf.

You don't have consent. End of.

RSV is dangerous for babies, they vaccinate pregnant women for it as it was the main cause of admissions to resp wards for babies for a good few years running

RSV is horrid. Yes her DC will get exposure to all sorts at nursery, but there's no point adding to the likelihood of them catching something - all the more reason to try to limit illnesses from elsewhere. I just don't see a need to kiss anyone else's DC. No need to take it personally.

I think it's really unfair when Mums who are just following the current health recommendations get dismissed as batshit on here, this isn't the first time I've seen it happen.

I don't understand the pushback that you'd rather not see them than not kiss them, that seems really extreme to me like you're more bothered by a perceived insult than actually seeing and spending time with these children. Why not just do what the parents ask?

Please God no...

Perhaps, you should stop if a simple boundary is difficult.

I will never understand being offended about not being able to kiss a baby/small child especially when their parents have said not to regardless if you agree with the reasoning or not.

I wouldn’t bat an eye or be offended if my SILs said not to kiss their children. Probably because I don’t anyway and think it is likely they have said this to everyone when really there are specific people who probably go a bit overboard but they don’t want to call anyone out.