Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Teacher told my child that child is not a Muslim

511 replies

Jkam24 · 10/09/2025 20:45

My daughter has recently started reception and asked me today if our family are Muslims, to which I said yes. She then started crying saying her teacher told her that she (my daughter) is not a Muslim. Is it unreasonable to be angry about this?

OP posts:
WearyAuldWumman · 11/09/2025 12:36

CatrionaBalfour · 11/09/2025 10:44

Right, I've lived in England all my life and never heard it pronounced with a soft G. Would that be like a French pronunciation.?
School friends, colleagues, neighbours..all Gillian with a hard G , as if it's spelled Jillian.

I had a colleague who pronounced it with the hard G. (In Scotland.). People mispronounced it all the time, I'm afraid.

TheignT · 11/09/2025 12:37

WearyAuldWumman · 11/09/2025 12:30

Yes, when I was a child non-Catholics used to refer to Catholics going to 'the chapel'.

Honestly I used to get so confused. The worst one was my cousin's would warn me I kicked with the left but if anyone in the playground asked I was to say I kicked with the right. Would have been so much better to just say if anyone asks you kick with the right. Being asked about football was as bad, now remember TheignT you support Celtic but if anyone asks you support Rangers. Id say but I don't like football. My Orange cousins must have thought this English child is thick.

Salome61 · 11/09/2025 12:38

Wow op, I am astounded she did say it, how could she think that is acceptable? Teachers are very important figures in young people's lives and memories. I am glad your child is OK.

I'll never forget going to view a house and the viewing agent (about 30 ish) suddenly said 'I recognise you from Richmond Tertiary College. Is 'XX' still there?'. I said yes and he said 'please tell her you met XX and he has made something of himself,'. The lecturer he was referring to was very young when she was recruited and I had worried about her at the time - 16 years later he wanted his message of success relayed to her.

IkaBaar · 11/09/2025 12:38

As a Humanist I kind of agree with her. It is what Humanists believe that children are not religious themselves more that they are e.g. the child of Christians. However, why would you say that to a small child, a small child who is too young to understand or debate this! It’s not an appropriate thing for a teacher to say to a four year old.

Merrymouse · 11/09/2025 12:44

Jkam24 · 11/09/2025 12:12

Teacher said she did say it because she doesn't think children can have a religion. I didn't say much but will have a think on how to move forward - it's ok for her to think that but not for her to say it, but I am not looking to get her into trouble, rather to clarify that stating this out loud to a child is beyond her position.

To the rest of you - learn to articulate yourself without prejudices and swearing as you've just proved the point that such views exist. I wonder why people think it's ok to speak to people like shit and whether they would think it's ok to speak to someone in the same way face to face!

Edited

To a child in reception? Is the teacher an idiot? This is the kind of philosophical discussion you have with a child of at least secondary school age.

Rewis · 11/09/2025 12:47

What an insane thing to say to a young child. I wonder where she draws the line.

ToeSucker · 11/09/2025 12:47

As much as I agree with the teachers opinion, it's very much an opinion and not one she should be trying to teach a 4 year old. Sorry OP I think you should escalate this, even if gently.

WearyAuldWumman · 11/09/2025 12:47

TheignT · 11/09/2025 12:37

Honestly I used to get so confused. The worst one was my cousin's would warn me I kicked with the left but if anyone in the playground asked I was to say I kicked with the right. Would have been so much better to just say if anyone asks you kick with the right. Being asked about football was as bad, now remember TheignT you support Celtic but if anyone asks you support Rangers. Id say but I don't like football. My Orange cousins must have thought this English child is thick.

Oh Lord. I could never remember which foot was which!

My late husband was from Aberdeenshire. He told me that when he was in the army someone from Dundee (I think) asked "Do you eat pie or cake?" Again, I can't remember which food was supposed to signify being a Protestant or a Catholic.

My dad was from Eastern Europe. People used to get really confused about him...He was Orthodox Christian. At one point, we had a rather bigoted neighbour who thought that dad was a Polish Catholic. I kid you not, the neighbour painted a clothes pole in his garden silver with orange accents at the crossbar bit and flew a union flag from it. (Flags never bothered Dad. The irony is that Dad was a Displaced Person who'd served alongside the British army.)

As an adult, I found out that some of my Scottish cousins thought that Dad was an Orthodox Jew who had abandoned all dietary requirements, etc.

GleisZwei · 11/09/2025 12:49

Pogoda · 11/09/2025 12:29

Wow, that's interesting.
If what she said was truth, children would not be baptised as babies and schools would not ask for religious food restrictions at school.
Small children may not understand the concept of a religion, but generally parents bring them up in some kind of a religion or baptise them, in which case the religion is already chosen for them.
My son was 7 or 8 when he decided he is a Hindu and won't eat beef. Since then he has rejected beef as a school lunch option and told everybody he is a Hindu. But until then we just didn't really care, as my husband said "small children have no idea what is in the food, so they cannot do the wrong thing". My other son is 5 and still has no idea.
BTW, we are a Hindu/Catholic family and we never imposed on our children one religion or the other (i.e. no baptism until they decide what they want). We go to temples or churches in respective festivals or some religious events but have friends of all faiths. We don't eat beef/pork, so I guess that's the only thing that might stick with kids at some point.

Children are baptised as a result of parents actions/words. That's another discussion for another day though.

GleisZwei · 11/09/2025 12:49

WearyAuldWumman · 11/09/2025 12:36

I had a colleague who pronounced it with the hard G. (In Scotland.). People mispronounced it all the time, I'm afraid.

Yes, I knew of at least 2 hard G folk called Gillian.

GleisZwei · 11/09/2025 12:51

WearyAuldWumman · 11/09/2025 12:30

Yes, when I was a child non-Catholics used to refer to Catholics going to 'the chapel'.

Folk still say that where I grew up.

Merrymouse · 11/09/2025 12:53

My concern would be that this teacher doesn't know much about 4 and 5 year olds.

BeltaLodaLife · 11/09/2025 12:54

Jkam24 · 11/09/2025 12:21

I won't be taking it to the head as I think it will just escalate everything in a manner it doesn't need to and demonise the teacher who probably did not mean it with malice and said something without thinking. I'll probably speak to her again one to one and tbh she can do with it what she will. If she truly cares about children she'll reflect on it and hopefully avoid it in future.

I really think you should take this to the head, as a learning experience for the teacher not as a complaint or big argument with the school since you seem to be quite pragmatic and level headed about it.

The reason I would go to the head is that children can get very upset by this sort of thing, and she really cannot be teaching other children in the class to just cast aside religion when she should be teaching respect.

I also very much doubt that she would tell a Christian child they weren’t Christian or that she would question a child taking first communion on why they would do that when they can’t possible be catholic. I suspect she said it because of the specific religion… make of that what you will.

It is vital to feedback to the school when a teacher is spouting inappropriate views. You wouldn’t ignore a teacher trying to convert children into a religion so you shouldn’t ignore a teacher invalidating someone’s religion. It doesn’t mean that you need to go in all guns blazing with a complaint; just go in with an open discussion.

CatHairEveryWhereNow · 11/09/2025 13:00

Teacher said she did say it because she doesn't think children can have a religion. I didn't say much but will have a think on how to move forward - it's ok for her to think that but not for her to say it, but I am not looking to get her into trouble, rather to clarify that stating this out loud to a child is beyond her position.

That a really odd take - though first primary my DC had was a C of E one and next one had kids with a range of relgious backgrounds.

I'd clarify with the school - as many relgions do have eating/culural practises that may crop up in school hours that could get overlooked with that stance.

beetr00 · 11/09/2025 13:00

Jkam24 · 11/09/2025 12:21

I won't be taking it to the head as I think it will just escalate everything in a manner it doesn't need to and demonise the teacher who probably did not mean it with malice and said something without thinking. I'll probably speak to her again one to one and tbh she can do with it what she will. If she truly cares about children she'll reflect on it and hopefully avoid it in future.

@Jkam24

That a reception teacher even posed this question astonishes me.

Personally, I would escalate to the Head.

What the teacher said cannot surely be in the curriculum for such little ones?

Does the teacher have an agenda, do you think?

LyndaLaHughes · 11/09/2025 13:01

Teacher here- please do put that in writing to the HT. That is totally unacceptable.
Did she apologise when you spoke to her? What did you say back to her when she said that?

GretaGreta · 11/09/2025 13:03

You are right, its totally not teachers business. But to be fair, so many people are islamophobic, its the same or worse than racism. I'm white so I can only imagine, don't judge me please. Anyway, I'm a Christian and married to a Muslim man, my daughter is being raised as Muslim because that's what me and my partner decided. However, I must say that my mom, who is Christian by birth, not even a practicing one (by this I mean she is only going to church for Christmas and Easter which makes 2x a year) has told me that "when my daughter grows up, she can decide for herself what her religion is). Some people are very insecure because they themselves are Christian but not true believers. Then they say things like "when they grow up they can decide". They must have heard about people converting from Cristianity from Islam and then preach that it could or should be the other way round - why don't people convert from Islam to Christianity? This Christian logic dies not make sense sonny Muslim because they have studied that their religion is a new one and has been created to correct faulted Christianity. Almost like Cristianity had errors in it and God has changed his mind. I respect Islam because ai have known my partner for 10 years and its amazing religion, but I am reluctant to change my religion because it feels unnatural to me and I dobt have an inclination. To be fair, nothing is forced in Islam, women are not forced to wear Hijabs, in so many muslim countries now I see lots of women in the street not wearing head covering, only dress modestly in any loose close not to be sexualised. This is a huge problem in modern world, that women are objectified in pop industry but they do it themselves and rename it female empowerment. Since my 20s I wanted to dress more elegant and classy myself but did not know how to do it, its so easy to buy short dresses and feel free and sexy doing it. But the problem is that this exposure really changes mens psychology, seeing half naked women everyday and combined with hookup culture they don't want to put the effort into maintaining a real close relationship. Women are choosing not to have as many children cause they know how easy it is for men to cheat nowadays, so any divorced families in our parents generation etc. Even sex trafficking has been increasing steadily over the recent years. Religion is so complex, I have known my in-laws for 10 years and even I still get judgmental from time to time when I get dysphoric premenstrual disorder. It's so so easy to judge women who cover up because of women's own internalised hate and knowing deep down that their self worth is shallow and based on male gaze and attention. I know I'm off topic, but during 10 years of my marriage ai have realised so many things that you cannot comprehend unless you are a Christian and have a Muslim spouse. Even in the beginning of our relationship, I think I only got involved because I was a very tolerant and open minded person, I hated my own father so I wanted to meet someone different on a subconscious level. It took 10 years of reprogramming my own islamophobic biases, so for someone who does not know any Muslims closely, it is impossible to be really truly accepting of Islam. We are recognising racism a lot more than islamophobia. Some people (even in my own Christian family) only like Muslims if they see them as really open minded, for example these muslims drink, don't wear Hijabs, get divorced, swear, are promiscuous etc.

TheLemonLemur · 11/09/2025 13:05

Op you are a teacher I am surprised you cannot see why you should take this to your child's ht. Its fine for the teacher to have her own thoughts about religion but totally wrong to be imposing them on young impressionable children. She needs a reminder of this or who knows what opinions she will be sharing as fact next

Renamed · 11/09/2025 13:07

What a ridiculous thing for the teacher to say. I do wonder whether she said something similar to all the children, or not

TheignT · 11/09/2025 13:32

WearyAuldWumman · 11/09/2025 12:47

Oh Lord. I could never remember which foot was which!

My late husband was from Aberdeenshire. He told me that when he was in the army someone from Dundee (I think) asked "Do you eat pie or cake?" Again, I can't remember which food was supposed to signify being a Protestant or a Catholic.

My dad was from Eastern Europe. People used to get really confused about him...He was Orthodox Christian. At one point, we had a rather bigoted neighbour who thought that dad was a Polish Catholic. I kid you not, the neighbour painted a clothes pole in his garden silver with orange accents at the crossbar bit and flew a union flag from it. (Flags never bothered Dad. The irony is that Dad was a Displaced Person who'd served alongside the British army.)

As an adult, I found out that some of my Scottish cousins thought that Dad was an Orthodox Jew who had abandoned all dietary requirements, etc.

Oh no not cake! That would blow my mind. All so confusing. I wonder if it still goes on, my experience was the 60s when I was a kid. My Orange family are from Northern Ireland, the other half from the south. I used to think it was so much simpler in the south but of course that was because the family I was visiting were all Catholics like me so nothing complicated to remember.

My Orange cousins found it really odd that I just didn't understand, my parents never discussed religion so I was blissfully unaware of what a big thing it was

Squigglydums · 11/09/2025 13:35

i am astonished the teacher has said this to your child. As PP have mentioned, this is the teachers opinion- it wasn’t asked for, and it certainly needn’t have been shared with such a young child. And all of the posters who start their post with ‘I agree with the teacher but..’ save your own opinions for your own children. The OP didn’t ask your philosophical views- and I’m sure you wouldn’t like it if the shoe was on the other foot, and a teacher was telling your children a certain religion is the only truth.

JustStopItNorasaurus · 11/09/2025 13:38

B1anche · 11/09/2025 12:15

She shouldn't be foisting her personal beliefs on children. This definitely needs addressing.

Absolutely. I'd be furious. We have a mixed (largely non-practicing) religious family and my children are brought up to know both religions and to celebrate both traditions in as much as we celebrate them. I would be raging if a teacher expressed a personal belief in such a way.

TBH, as a member of a family full of teachers I am usually hesitant to escalate. But I would 100% escalate that to the HT.

CaptainMyCaptain · 11/09/2025 13:43

Jkam24 · 11/09/2025 12:12

Teacher said she did say it because she doesn't think children can have a religion. I didn't say much but will have a think on how to move forward - it's ok for her to think that but not for her to say it, but I am not looking to get her into trouble, rather to clarify that stating this out loud to a child is beyond her position.

To the rest of you - learn to articulate yourself without prejudices and swearing as you've just proved the point that such views exist. I wonder why people think it's ok to speak to people like shit and whether they would think it's ok to speak to someone in the same way face to face!

Edited

In that case I think you are right to be very annoyed. I was a Reception Teacher but have been retired for 10 years. There used to be something under the PHSE guidelines about respecting the cultures of other children (not necessarily about religion, could refer to other things) which would surely apply to teachers as well. Maybe things have changed but I doubt they've changed that much. She was absolutely wrong to say that even if that is her opinion.

Manxexile · 11/09/2025 13:50

LyndaLaHughes · 11/09/2025 13:01

Teacher here- please do put that in writing to the HT. That is totally unacceptable.
Did she apologise when you spoke to her? What did you say back to her when she said that?

Well yes.

I think I'd have suggested to her that while her view was a philosophically valid and reasonable one, that it wasn't appropriate or professional for that personal view to influence how she inter-acted with 4 year olds.

I think the OP has said she'll discuss it again with her. I'd want that further discussion before taking it further. I think...

I'm astonished that any teacher would behave like this - and I'm one of the people who thought the OP's child must have completely misunderstood the conversation

pizzaHeart · 11/09/2025 13:50

Oh the teacher was very wrong and my problem would be that she approached this from a very wrong angle. You cant talk about things in life SO literally and SO philosophically. Of course children can have religion in terms that they are following family traditions. As in many other issues children just follow their family until certain age.
I can see OP why you don’t want to take it further, I hope it won’t affect your daughter’s enjoyment by school. Nothing worse than having a teacher without understanding and common sense in a reception.