What was the moment you knew your marriage / relationship was over? The straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak

[LavaLaamp]

For me it was after he’d repeatedly told me that mama Mia in the cinema was a total joke and the fact I wanted to see it with my mum was pathetic, he refused to see it with me and took the piss repeatedly for weeks. I ignored him and went with my mum, aunt and cousin and had an absolutely brilliant time. Then the week after we went for the 2nd or 3rd time (sing along obviously) with more piss taking from boyfriend (not light hearted) it was my birthday and we had plans for my birthday.

I had a huge party which he didn’t turn up for and when I asked him why he wasn’t there he said he’d taken his co worker to go see mama Mia as she really wanted to go. I realised I would never be a priority in his life and dumped him, he married his co worker and then cheated on her with his male colleague 3 years later, lucky escape!

I was also ‘left at the alter’ on my wedding day- I found out about an hour before that he wasn’t to be found anywhere, I was in my dress, hair and makeup done etc. his mum told my moh that they didn’t know where he was but he wouldn’t be coming to the wedding, so I asked my moh and bridesmaid to tell everyone that the wedding wouldn’t be going ahead but everyone was welcome to come and enjoy the reception because we’d already paid for it all so we had a fab day with lots of tears and laughter at what should have been my wedding day! All his groomsmen stayed to be with me, his best man was incredible It went viral and he did apologise and ask to come back but I said no. 4 years on and I’m married to my soul mate and my ex is single and none of his friends speak to him.

Im so grateful that he did that because I’m so happy now.

what about you?

Is there any chance she had seen the writing on the wall before you did and was glad you were going to do what was right for you? Why would she be pleased about that?

When I came home from work one day, my ExH told me he had been discussing me with his mother, and they had decided I needed to buckle down and start being a "proper wife". I asked what this entailed. He listed all the general house shite - cooking, cleaning, washing etc. But then said I needed to stop going out so much and take up some nice hobbies, like crochet or sewing - MIL was happy to assist with this. I was 24. I asked what would happen if I didn't agree - and he said I'd have to leave then. I went upstairs to pack. The look on his little, sad face 😁😅

This was when I was a student. We were lying in bed at his house, in the middle of the night, and he started on and on at me about how many men I had slept with before him. It wasn't a big number, he just didn't like the fact that I had previous boyfriends.

I got up, got dressed and went home and never saw him again.

Looking back he was incredibly insecure and as a result, very controlling. He would go on about my weight, what I ate, what I wore, what his friends thought of me. He refused to meet up with my friends, said they were weird, refused to visit my family, said that he 'knew' I'd been unfaithful to him when I visited my family over Christmas (I hadn't). etc etc.

I just wish I'd dumped him sooner!

First ex was emotionally and mentally abusive and we were together for 5 years. Unfortunately I never had that lightbulb moment. He told me he didn't love me anymore and I stupidly sat there holding him saying that it was ok and he couldn't help the way he felt. He moved into another bedroom and we were amicable. Then I found out he had been cheating on me with a colleague so I kicked him out. Twat!

Second ex...he was a bit weird anyway but he was giving me attention ( after the ex had told me repeatedly that nobody else would want me) so I just went with it but after a few months he shouted at my sister for liking a TV show and I flipped. " I put up with this shit for 5 years straight from him! Am I fuck putting up with it from you! Get the fuck out of my house!" Apologies for the profanities but it felt so empowering to say it!! Still proud of myself for that.

I really don't think he did this on purpose, more like he just did not care enough to remember about the notes. We stayed together for a month or so after that and he never brought up the balloons or whether his collegue found the notes. Maybe she did and said something and he just never told me, or maybe she never even saw them, so idk. Anyway, the relationship was already in decline, too much effort going down the drain, should've made a smartshow 3d video and call it a day.

It's been on here,lots of times,posts about DV,etc..got pregnant at 18 in the 60s,you got Married,end of. He was passive aggressive and aggressive,odd stuff but I had no life experience to gauge by. Tea total,got drunk, told me I was his only female sexual partner. He married me as a respectable front for his middle class family. No police help or anything in those days. He had his own business,lost his contracts,re mortgaged the house by forging my signature..he had been adding industrial insecticide to my food. He was arrested,pleaded guilty,so suspended sentence. Just before this,my DM had died..I was angry,had 3 kids to think about. I did break(accidentally) a big Cheval mirror,I kept a big shard under the bed, just in case I couldn't cope! Then he tried to take the kids away. Boy, I got strong! House re possession, temporary accommodation. Met second DH at work, married 10 years later. The rest as they say is history, and yes,thank you, I'm fine.

I realised that my happy place was going on Rightmove and seeing what sort of houses I could buy with the money if he died.

OP, I think I have just found you on breakfast TV being interviewed and you and your sister and bridesmaid are just gorgeous and fab. Inspirational - well done!

Jesus wept! that is awful. I have a former friend (long story as she is still with the guy and went on to marry him) whose partner told her that she should be over her mum's death 3 months after it happened.

My ex used to act like this. He would tell me our DC weren't his responsibility. He knew what he was doing, it's just a way to give out emotional abuse

Gosh this is absolutely terrible. I hope you realise just how my strength you possess to have gotten through this 🩷

This happened a long time ago, when attitudes to sex outside marriage were a lot less forgiving than they are today. My then boyfriend made it clear to me that our relationship had no long-term future (for various reasons, including cultural differences), but he still kept trying to persuade me to sleep with him. It finally dawned on me that he obviously thought I was good enough for sex but not good enough for marriage. To this day I don't think he ever realised just how degrading that felt.

So you thought it would be okay to hide behind a keyboard and be cunty online to her? What a horror.

I was having spinal surgery and while I was in surgery he proposed to someone else :)

Grateful though as I am now married to my best friend and soulmate.

I miss my exes daughter from his previous marriage. Leaving her was like losing a limb but I had to get away. The first year I cried every day because of her, not my ex.

No-one talks about the pain they feel when they have become attached to someone else's children because they were in a semi parental role and have had to leave or have been booted out but it's awful. You want to see them but rightly, no-one posts pictures of kids online so you have to try and imagine what they are like and how they grew up.

With mine. She is grown with kids of her own and I can see from her FB profile that she has grown into a productive, interesting adult but it hurts that I wasn't there to see that process.

I sometimes imagine I might meet her one day and she would remember how, when she was 4/5 she used to sit on the worktop and tell me what animal shape she wanted her pancake and we would laugh as I tried to make pancake elephants and octopusses. I'm just a sad old bird I guess. I bet the Germans have a name for this situation : )

Me too!! @KawasakiBabe 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🤩

100%.
It took me longer to get over them than my exH, easily.
I do sometimes have a little peek at social media and can't believe how much they've grown just in 3 years.
It makes me so sad to think that The youngest (who was 2 when we met) might not even remember me, we had the most brilliant bond, probably why he chose me to disclose to.

God I hope he's OK and it's not happening anymore.

Few things really that happened over a month, but think i only noticed them after my dad said i was really jumpy. We lived together after a year in his house. first year he was perfect then slowly went down hill till the events below.

I had a really busy week at work for a project that was career defining. It was a success. Leaving house at 7am and not returning till 9pm. Cat had knocked over a drink. He left it and it stained the carpet. I had come home excused on last day with news of a promotion and he shouted at me to clean the carpet as my cat knocked it over. No well done

Went to a networking event for his work. Told me to let him network and leave him alone. Also says I needed to look like a girl and not my usual scruffy self. I looked amazing, but no compliment. I did as he told and was chatting to lots of lovely people. Then got told I embarrassed him by chatting to more people and I should have stayed at his side in silence.

He came home drunk and started telling me I was ugly and I laughed like a guy. I stopped laughing. he also messaged women drunk and called it banter. Neighbours boyfriend came to the house to confront him but he wouldn’t get out of bed calling him a liar. Neighbour showed me the texts but she was making it up.

I got ill planning to move out with shingles and had no support. I stayed quiet, bought a house, switched the cameras off and left. Felt it was easier than an argument. He contacted me next day and I told him why. He apologised and wanted to try again, but after trying to denying it.

He has put on lots of weight, still single. I have found a new guy who loves doing things with me and treats me with respect.

There were a lot of things building, but the ultimate final straw for me was when I realised that I was filled with anxiety when driving home from work when I knew he had a day off work. Dreading what I was going to face when I get home was just the worst thing for me, but it brought the realisation that I didn't have to continue living like that.

Wow how patronising, we cannot all like the same things be it a musical, a singer, a book etc. However liking a certain film does not mean that a person cannot be taken seriously. Your post was rude and says so much about the type of person you are, as for the original poster, she is the winner and a brave woman for dealing with her situation the way she did.

I love the way you write - i mean REALLY love it.

Actually, I never understood the film, thought it was weird, all the blondes looked alike and I couldn´t tell when it was the past and when the present. My aunt loves Mamma mia, I keep my opinions to myself.
Kudos to you that you have such a great attitude and felt so loved it helped you heal, op.

I had this, but I’m just pleased I was there to teach her to do shoelaces, and make a fuss when she needed it, as she didn’t see her own mum. Xx

I don't think so. It was a sneer not relief. She never went on to say that she was relieved or that she knew he wasn't right for me or anything like that. Actually none of my friends said anything like that either. Maybe if others were saying it I'd be inclined to agree with you.

It's just one of those things when you've known someone a long time you know how they are. I appreciate your perspective though as sometimes with heightened emotion we can misinterpret things.

Actually, sorry but this made me laugh out loud. I'm imagining you doing this lovely romantic thing, this woman being on the receiving end of it thinking he is the romantic one when in fact he was just being the lazy asshole that he was and then her getting stuck with a dickhead.

I wonder how long she waited for the next romantic gesture and if she wondered why it never came.