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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think “soulmates” are just people you haven’t got bored of yet?

39 replies

EdgyPearlPoster · 09/09/2025 20:58

We romanticise it but isn’t a “soulmate” just someone you’ve managed to tolerate longer than anyone else? AIBU?

OP posts:
Cynic17 · 09/09/2025 20:59

There is no such thing as "a soulmate". It's made up nonsense.

mbosnz · 09/09/2025 21:00

I don't believe in soulmates, but I've been married to this bugger for nigh on 31 years, and not got bored of him yet. . .

BallerinaRadio · 09/09/2025 21:02

EdgyPearlPoster · 09/09/2025 20:58

We romanticise it but isn’t a “soulmate” just someone you’ve managed to tolerate longer than anyone else? AIBU?

You tell us... Is it?

IlovePhilMitchell · 09/09/2025 21:03

I love my other human half to bits and if anything happened to him, I wouldn’t want another romantic relationship EVER.

BUT my soulmate is my cat, sorry not sorry. 🤣

Weirdly she just ran in through the cat flap and sat on my knee as I typed this.. coincidence? I think not!

Wolfpa · 09/09/2025 21:04

Soulmates aren’t a thing and if they were the chances of you finding the one person in the world who matches you is impossible so everyone would end up alone.

Poppins2016 · 09/09/2025 21:04

I once read that marriage is about "finding the one person you're most happy to be annoyed by for the rest of your life". I quite like that description.

Imisscoffee2021 · 09/09/2025 21:05

I don't believe in literal soul mates but I do feel lucky to have met a true kindred spirit and I can't imagine anyone else out there who I could love as much or who loves me as much. Met at 23 and still in love (despite the challenges of a toddler 😆) and still best pals at 38.

Ddakji · 09/09/2025 21:05

Well - there’s no “just” in that. The very fact that you haven’t got bored of someone shows how important they are to you.

CraftyNavySeal · 09/09/2025 21:06

I don’t believe in soulmates but equally in a world of 8 billion humans I don’t believe it’s that unlikely that you could meet someone who you really get on with long term.

TaborlinTheGreat · 09/09/2025 21:07

Cynic17 · 09/09/2025 20:59

There is no such thing as "a soulmate". It's made up nonsense.

This.

LargeChestofDrawers · 09/09/2025 21:10

Cynic17 · 09/09/2025 20:59

There is no such thing as "a soulmate". It's made up nonsense.

^ This. What a load of old tripe. Often used by people to justify leaving/cheating on a partner - "I simply had to, they were my soulmate" - as though a higher power were involved and they were helpless in the face of it (and therefore blameless).

Toddlertiredp · 09/09/2025 21:18

I don’t believe in soul mates but I do believe in people you form faster or deeper connections with for whatever reason. Be that close friends or partners or whatever who become integral to your life.

Rainbowcat99 · 09/09/2025 21:19

I don’t believe in soulmates and am actually very happily long-term single but I really really want to believe it, I’ve just watched a film called “timer” and I loved idea.

Thepossibility · 09/09/2025 21:24

I think DH is my soulmate because right away he felt like family, more than my own family ever has. It's not a matter of he is so interesting or hot or the sex is amazing (I'm not saying these things aren't true btw) because those things can fizzle out. He didn't have his life together yet, just a part time job and still living at home.
He just feels like he belongs with me, he was sent to do life with me. We put each other first right away because we knew. We only waited one whole year to get engaged because that would appear more acceptable to others, it was always obvious to us we would be married.
To me that is what a soul mate is, a gentle knowing that never fades, not a huge rush of butterflies and hormones.
So even when he is boring AF he is still my person. Together 25 years.

Original poster
EdgyPearlPoster · 09/09/2025 21:35

BallerinaRadio · 09/09/2025 21:02

You tell us... Is it?

Show quote history

Snarky already? Guess soulmates aren’t your thing either.

OP posts:
LizzieW1969 · 09/09/2025 21:41

Poppins2016 · 09/09/2025 21:04

I once read that marriage is about "finding the one person you're most happy to be annoyed by for the rest of your life". I quite like that description.

I like that too. I’ve been married to my DH for 22 years. I find him very irritating sometimes, but he also makes me laugh at other times. Basically, he’s my best friend. I like that description of our relationship much more than ‘soulmate’, which I don’t think describes any real life relationship.

MsSmartShoes · 09/09/2025 21:43

There is no such thing as a soulmate. You can be happy with any number of people.
I think that familiarity breeds contempt though. After 20 or more years you have to really choose to be together.

FrivolousKitchenRollUse · 09/09/2025 21:43

I really laughed at this for some reason. It's wonderful, cynical reversal of "a stranger's just a friend you haven't met"!

BallerinaRadio · 10/09/2025 11:47

EdgyPearlPoster · 09/09/2025 21:35

Snarky already? Guess soulmates aren’t your thing either.

Show quote history

You used your one token reply for me. Maybe we're soulmates

moderndilemma · 10/09/2025 12:13

I don't believe in soulmates in terms of finding each other in a universe / meant to be together / 'fate' but I do think there are couples, and friends, where your values align almost completely, you have similar priorities in life, a shared sense of humour, and your behaviours either match or differ, but in a way which is entirely supportive of the relationship and of each other.

I guess when people find a partner or friend like that, then the word soulmate or soul-sister or whatever, is a short-hand for the above.

5128gap · 10/09/2025 12:27

No. I think a soul mate is some one you have an unusually intense connection with that can sit outside of friendships/relationships and often has no regard for age, sex or circumstances. To me it's about sharing the same core values, attitudes, even humour so there's always a mutual understanding between you. I have this with a member of my family. I can't imagine I will ever be bored of them. I might struggle if it was a partner though as I think partnerships work well when the other person is different from me and so we each bring different perspectives. My relationship with my soul mate person is a little like a relationship with myself.

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/09/2025 12:30

Well, 36 years on and still about as far from bored as I could be 🤷‍♀️

Jk987 · 10/09/2025 12:32

So cynical 🤨. Surely it’s more than tolerate? Don’t you have a laugh with anyone, share kindness, interest, loyalty?
I guess you could cut yourself off from everyone if that’s the case…

Jk987 · 10/09/2025 12:34

Wolfpa · 09/09/2025 21:04

Soulmates aren’t a thing and if they were the chances of you finding the one person in the world who matches you is impossible so everyone would end up alone.

Who said there’s only one in the world?

Twoshoesnewshoes · 10/09/2025 12:35

Also don’t believe in soulmates but I do think of DH as my soul mate now in that we are so close and he is so important to me.
not bored at all - lots of fun and more to come hopefully.
30 years together.