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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think “soulmates” are just people you haven’t got bored of yet?

39 replies

EdgyPearlPoster · 09/09/2025 20:58

We romanticise it but isn’t a “soulmate” just someone you’ve managed to tolerate longer than anyone else? AIBU?

OP posts:
BananaPeels · 10/09/2025 12:36

I think soulmate is a bit sickly but I would describe my husband as my other half. I don’t feel completely whole when we aren’t together tbh. But then we’ve been married for over 25 years. Is that the same thing? Definitely not bored yet!!

CoubousAndTourmaIet · 10/09/2025 12:55

I've been with my partner for 35 years, but my soulmate was a cat. The love of my life. My partner would not deny it.

MsSmartShoes · 10/09/2025 23:04

FrivolousKitchenRollUse · 09/09/2025 21:43

I really laughed at this for some reason. It's wonderful, cynical reversal of "a stranger's just a friend you haven't met"!

Yeah yes absolutely right. Strangers are only wonderful until we get to know them well,

Hankunamatata · 10/09/2025 23:29

Your title did make me laugh

Soul mates bit unhealthy, same as any romance book. Bit overly enmeshed, not healthy.

TowersofGable · 11/09/2025 01:18

Soulmates and the “one” are both infantile Disney bollocks. The reality is that there are probably hundreds, if not thousands, of people you’d be compatible with if you met them in the right circumstances.

BadgesforBadgers · 11/09/2025 01:26

People claiming they have met their 'Soulmate' is so unbelievably 'cringe'.

I mean you really haven't, you've just met one of many, many people in the world that you get on with and share common interests with.

Ludicrous concept.

FirstCuppa · 11/09/2025 01:52

In my experience, "soulmates" are usually lovebombing you...

dizzydizzydizzy · 11/09/2025 02:44

Not a thought of that. Your theory (or at least something similar) would certainly apply to be exBFF. We used to see each almost every day, even if only briefly. We even went on holiday together. We treated each other like family.

The only problem I ever had with her was her politics. I am left-ish. She is right and these days far right. I n the latter years of our friendship, she was constantly bringing up topics that I didn't agree with her on. Sometime, I just wouldn't say anything and sometimes I would tell her why I disagreed, which she always got very cross about. So she still believes the MMR causes autism and took no notice when I told her it had been disproven. In fact she is anti vaccines in general and advised people not to have them (and some listen). She doesn't believe climate change is an issue or at least thinks it's vastly exaggerated. She thinks that 'England is no England' due to immigration even though both of her parents are immigrants and barely speak English etc etc etc. I think it is perfectly possible to be friends with somebody who has views which I consider to be ridiculous.

Anyway, I spent years discussing DPs bad behaviour with her . She was always very understanding about that and gave me a lot of advice advice - some of it excellent, some less so.

Eventually I came to the point when I realized DP was actually an abuser and narcissist, my DCs were very young adults and I decided it was time to leave DP. When I told BFF where I was moving to (a flat), she told me that my new home was infamous locally for drug dealing and prostitution. This was after I paid the deposit. She told me it was dangerous and I would be woken up at night by police raids and would be stepping in vomit in the corridors. I spent about two nights tossing and turning, worrying that I had made a massive mistake. Anyway, moving day came and about a week later, I was chatting to a group of neighbours who had all lived there for 15 or 20 years. I told them what BFF had told me and they didn't have a clue what she was talking about. That made me realize that she had made the whole story up.

I then messaged her and told her what my neighbours had said and how long they had lived there. I was obviously indicating indirectly that I knew she had lied. She then sent me a lengthy email saying that she was upset that I didn't know that she was trying to protect me and anyway I didn't agree with her on anything and she tired or arguing with me.

Nobody protects their friends by telling whooping lies like that!!!

In retrospect she was a narcissist too. I think she didn't like me moving away (we lived in the same road). She obviously should have just apologised and that would have been the end of the matter.

cheesycheesy · 11/09/2025 03:06

Oh you again.

Pricelessadvice · 11/09/2025 06:47

If soul mates existed, I doubt most people would find them within 5 miles of where they live.

It’s just nonsense. Some people are just more compatible than others.

Chobby · 11/09/2025 06:49

Three word, MN generated username ✅
Discussion point type OP, with no personal anecdote or details ✅

These posts are making MN unusable

Laundrywitch · 11/09/2025 07:19

Soul Mate is made up nonsense. Good sexual compatibility is not made up.

Some human beings develop deeply bonded connections others get bored easily.

Simple.

SquaredPaper · 11/09/2025 07:32

EdgyPearlPoster · 09/09/2025 21:35

Snarky already? Guess soulmates aren’t your thing either.

Maybe vary your tone, and call yourself User22456 next time? Just for a change?

IHateSundaysTooMuch · 11/09/2025 07:41

I love how many of us have a cat as a soulmate. My cat was the most amazing creature you could ever meet. Even after 6 years of her passing i miss her i always will. Oh and ive been married nearly 20 years. He misses the cat too.

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