To ask what you think of a proposal after 1.5 years aged 35+?

[Evilwasp2]

Let's assume you're that age or over, recently moved in together, would an engagement at that time be obscene if you're both ready?
I don't get when people say 'Oh you first need to see how they act in a difficult situation/in an argument'.
These things can come after years and people can change, hence people divorcing.

Absolutely fine, you probably won’t get married for at least a year anyway so that gives you more time to get to know them and also engagements can be called off, they are not set in stone…good luck

I think a lot of people know they don't know and do it anyway.

Because "no relationship is perfect".
Because the think marriage will fix the existing problems in the relationship.
Because time is ticking and they feel like they are getting left behind.
Because they really like the idea of a wedding and being a special prince/princess for the day.
Because they are under pressure from family and/or friends to settle down.
Because of the sunk costs fallacy and the fear of having wasted 5-10 years of their lives on the wrong partner already, so marriage validates the relationship.

I think if every marriage happened only because the people getting married knew that they wanted to build a life together built on solid foundations of love, trust, shared values and goals- which doesn't take much time at all to work out imo- we'd have a lot less divorces.

It's the couples who are together for years and years and then get married for the above reasons when they clearly didn't really want that that end up divorced. There's not many other areas in which avoiding something for years is seen as a sign of really wanting it...

I think if you're both over 35 then you probably both have a good idea about what you want in a relationship and whether your current relationship works or not.

Do you want children? There's no ignoring that if you want children then it would be advisable to start trying for a baby sooner rather than later and therefore moving forward with marriage sooner rather than later also makes sense.

Huh…..so you are saying that if she is not planning on having kids she should be more fussy and wait longer to make a decision to be sure

Many women on here are having babies with men they’ve know for less time than that so I say go ahead.

We married 22 months after we met. Both over 40, second marriage for both of us. We knew very quickly it was right. 27 years later we haven’t changed our minds.

Took my ex about three years to get around to strangling me for the first time.

I wouldn’t see anything wrong with it especially at that age.

we were engaged after 2.5 years and then got a house. Wedding was 18 months later. I was only 23 when we got married and with hind sight i was too young & hope my daughter waits but i’d already graduated and been working full time for a few years & didn’t feel young. He’s a few years older.

i’m now 41 & still married & kids are 15 & 11 🤷‍♀️

my sister on the other hand didn’t get engaged for 7 years (moved in together after 3 years) & then had a 4 year engagement. She’s 35 with kids & been married nearly a year. Each made our own choices

Together and married with 2 years..31/35 at the time.
Our core values and directions were aligned.. we went through some crap in those 2 years so knew we had each others back..

We had vaguely met at a party 4 yrs before..and had a close mutual friend..

We'd both been in long term relationships and also significant time single.. and very independent so it was a positive choice...
Were pretty much living together after 2 months

Been married 25yrs now.. I think quite quick and focused as we were very clear about our standards...and had seen a bit of life!

It would be too fast for me, I wouldn’t even want to live with them that quick but what works for you works for you.

Oh and my parents who were both over 30 when they met were married 18 months later. My dad died six months short of their 65th anniversary.

Right.

It should be the opposite if anything.

Far too many women rush into marriage etc because they are desperate for DC.

I don’t think it’s necessarily too soon but I do think it’s important to have gone through enough life events / situations together to know what sort of person they really are when the going gets rough.

I was incredibly naive in my 20s. I married someone I didn’t feel that strongly about and who is very different to me as I stupidly thought that all couples have their differences and if I already knew what annoyed me about him none of it would come as a surprise down the line. Of course all that has happened is that the issues I knew about were the tip of the iceberg.

If you are in your mid to late 30s, have never had children, and want to have children, time matters. People that age should have enough life experience to be able to be clear about what they need and want out of a relationship. If they aren’t capable of having those conversations, they aren’t ready to get married. If they can sit down and hash out the life plan and talk about the boring parts like money and legal issues, then proceeding after 18 months at that age is not crazy.

if they already have children, the clock isn’t ticking and combining lives is much more complicated so things should instead slow down to a glacial pace.

No we got engaged after 9 months when I was 6 months pregnant....

everyobe puts their best self forward when starting a relationship. It’s only after you’ve lived together for a period of time that “the mask” can possibly slip and you see the real person or certain traits that they’ve been able to cover up whether that’s been a subconscious effort or not.

Maybe get engaged and plan for a two year engagement so you have time to spare before rushing into a wedding.

I got engaged around that age, had been together 1 year. Married 6 months later as we didn't see the point in a long engagement. We hadn't lived together and due to circumstances didn't live together for a few years even after marriage.

TBH if we hadn't got engaged I'd have moved on. It was important to me to be married and I felt that after a year he should know if he wanted to marry me, because I'd known for ages.

13 years married this year, even more in love than we were then.

My husband and I got engaged after 1 year of dating. We didn't live together until 5 months AFTER we became engaged. Married after being together 2.5 years. We've been together 19 years and married 17 of those. I was 32 when we got engaged, heading towards 33.

Yeah.

Because with a few years left it's time to piss or get off the pot.

She can be a good mum with or without a dad on the scene, plenty are.

I don’t think people do say 'Oh you first need to see how they act in a difficult situation/in an argument'/‘you need to see all their flaws” do they??

If others are saying this to you repeatedly, you might want think about the message they are trying to send. (Or ask these people what they are seeing that you don’t!)

I think two years is a good amount of time to know if you want to be with a person for the long term.

I came back to ask if @cardibach is from the area where this phrase is relevant. I am, that's why I recognised it. I think I saw you post on a Taylor Swift thread when I was using my old username ages ago too, which is why I remembered it.

Strange how the generations that didn’t live together before marriage had the longest marriages.

Rates of mariticide were also far higher when women had no easy way out but arsenic.

How easy was it for people in those generations to end a marriage?

She can be a good mum with or without a dad on the scene, plenty are.

Yeah, because that’s what every woman wants