To ask what you think of a proposal after 1.5 years aged 35+?

[Evilwasp2]

Let's assume you're that age or over, recently moved in together, would an engagement at that time be obscene if you're both ready?
I don't get when people say 'Oh you first need to see how they act in a difficult situation/in an argument'.
These things can come after years and people can change, hence people divorcing.

At 35 and if you want to get married and have children you don't have years to waste on relationships going nowhere. If somebody acts coy about commitment, believe them. I was engaged after 12 months and we've been happily together for over 30 years. My view is that if you are in your late twenties, thirties and it doesn't look like it's progressing towards marriage in a year then you should pause and re-evaluate. Don't be swayed by the sunk costs fallacy - a lukewarm man usually stays precisely that. Before I met my wonderful husband I dated a rather lukewarm chap with commitment issues. My father bluntly told me I was wasting my time after asking me a few questions and he was absolutely right. It stung at the time but he was right to say it.

My DH proposed to me after 5 months together, I was 27 and he was 23. We are almost 20 years married now.

Perfectly fine. I was engaged to DH after 1year. Married 10 months later. Still together. When you know, you know.

@Evilwasp2 you do what suits you and it's nobody else's business.
Me and my DH met when I was 17, engaged on my eighteenth birthday 4 months later, married 3 years after our first date, 33rd wedding anniversary this October.
Former neighbour lived together for 3 years, got married, split up 18 months later.
Everyone is different.

Lived together after 3 weeks (he was a friend of the family), engaged after 3 months, bought a house after 11 months and got married a month after that. Been married for 30 years.

The getting married part is almost irrelevant IMO. Planning on having kids together? Different ball game. People (of both sexes) can change when they have kids. Helpful to check out each other's ideas on working / housework / child care / getting up in the night / division of labour / how this works if we have a disabled DC etc. There are no perfect answers that can prepare you for any of this, but good to go through. And also views on money -- how will you manage money? How will you manage money when one of you is unemployed? How will you manage money if neither of you can work full time because you have a DC who needs to be cared for? etc.

You're going to become acutely aware of all their 'flaws' when you're cohabiting so I don't see why being engaged (or not) really makes any difference.

Anyway, marriages that are decades old sometimes come to an end. Life is like a box of chocolates and all that.

You should have a pretty good idea whether you're compatible or not by now. There's no rule that you have to follow in terms of length of time.

To me, an engagement is just the period between deciding to get married and sorting the wedding out.

If you've got the big things sorted (whether to have children, jobs etc etc) then just get on with it. Or don't. But make a decision sooner rather than later at your age.

I think that’s really normal but then again me and my now husband moved in together 3 weeks after we met and were engaged within a year. we have been together 16 years and married for 13.

Come back to me when you're sick of picking up their dirty laundry off the floor despite asking a hundred times for it to go in the basket. If you're willing to take the risk of being someone elses unpaid servant, good luck to you.

At that age I would be ending the relationship if there was no proposal after 18 months. No time for messing about.

I got engaged 12 weeks after meeting my now-husband. I was 26 and he was 34. We got married 18 months later and have now been extremely happily married for 8 years, with 1 DD, 5. He's my person- I knew it when I met him and so did he.

In contrast, he was with his ex for 8 years in total, got married after 7.5 years and they split up 5 months later.

Length of time together before engagement does not correlate with length of marriage.

Or you could just propose yourself? I mean why on earth would you kick someone to the kerb after only 18 months if all was merry and bright just because they’d not ‘proposed’?

I was similar - engaged after 18 months at the age of approx 33. No point hanging around at that stage, especially if you want kids!

I knew really quickly, within days or weeks. He was a one night stand who never quite made it back to his flat. We were talking about marriage within about six weeks, and got married that year. 18 years so far and touch wood it has been pretty blissful.

I don't think waiting around is any predictor or happiness. Past a certain point, I'd say incompatibility was likely. When it's right, it's right.

Getting engaged is fine, it's a plan rather than a legal commitment.

I'd never marry anyone without living with them for at least 9-12 months. How people actually live can be very different to how they say they live, and how they actually live once the best behaviour honeymoon period ends.

A friend of mine discovered her husband was actually as grim as fuck hygiene wise when they lived together full time and he stopped feeling the need to be on his best behaviour.

I read that as 15 years and was very confused! Yes 1.5 years at 35 I think is enough. I was with DH 7ish years before getting engaged but we met in our early 20s. At this age I would think if I met someone and was looking for children and marriage I would know after 1.5years if they were the right person.

Well I was engaged after six weeks, so no 18 months seems reasonable.

I agree. DH and I got engaged after 6 months and married a year later. We both knew the difference between what we'd had before and what we had together. And we both knew what we wanted. Of course we have learned things about each other since. But 1.5 years is certainly long enough.

Divorce is probably one of the most expensive things you can do so it’s important to be sure.

Who is the people saying it's too early? Maybe they know something you don't know about your fiancé and are hoping you'll find out? Or one of you have a lot to lose financially with a marriage and they're worried? Or they may have another reason?

Because if everything is fine, 1.5 years is plenty of time. If after that time you're not sure, then that's a no.

It you're 35 and want dc I'd go for it. If you were much younger, I'd wait for two years. Why? Because controlling, bullying types tend to hide it and the clues come out in time.

If you know, you know

If that was the case, we wouldnt have divorces eh?

1.5 years is plenty of time. We lived together after 6 months and engaged after about 1.5 years, and we were only late 20s!

Normal if you want kids.

Too early if you don't.

There's literally no need to rush to bet half your assets if someone isn't taking time out of work to raise children.