To ask what you think of a proposal after 1.5 years aged 35+?

[Evilwasp2]

Let's assume you're that age or over, recently moved in together, would an engagement at that time be obscene if you're both ready?
I don't get when people say 'Oh you first need to see how they act in a difficult situation/in an argument'.
These things can come after years and people can change, hence people divorcing.

I mean, just do what works for you. I don’t really see why it’s an issue. It’s the 21st century. An engagement is a ring and a vague plan to get married, not a legally binding betrothal that will cause a war between two foreign dukedoms if one of the couple ducks out.

I wouldn’t move in without being sure the relationship was heading to marriage if that’s what I wanted.

Also find the idea of ‘a proposal’ a bit cringe. Surely it’s a discussion and a mutual agreement?

Hmm I married my ex husband a year and 3 months after meeting and not living together first. The marriage only lasted less that 2 years mainly due to his lack of financial savvyness x and the fact he became a bit controlling when he was seeing me day in , day out and didn't like me leaving him at home to see friends and carry on with my life. ( didn't stop him doing the same btw)

Nothing wrong with that at all. By that age you should know yourselves pretty well. My other half and I met around the age of 31 and got engaged after about 1.5 years and were married before we had been together for 2 years! It's now 10 years later and we are still happily together, with 3 kids. We both knew what we wanted (marriage, kids) and had the same values, so there wasn't any reason to wait.

Because loving them how they are doesn't carry you through the shit you go through together as a married couple. It's all well and good loving someone but if they're a gambling addict, closet alcoholic, get itchy feet routinely after a year, harbour ambition to own an XL bully... Basically any old thing can happen that renders your life not better for being tied to theirs. Look at all of that no the romance

It was many years before DH and I argued, and if I’d waited to find out all his flaws I’d have been waiting a hell of a long time! We’re just very compatible and fairly easy going. I didn’t know what he was like to live with pre-marriage, but I could make a pretty good guess based on the fact we had similar upbringings and his flat was very nicely kept.

I didn’t waste time waiting for flaws to show themselves that might never arrive. In any case, it’s impossible to know everything about a person or how they will react to every situation life throws at you.

If they live together for me that is the acid test

and no children are involved on either side (that needs time and care to blend)

otherwise fine DH and I moved in after 10 months engaged 4 months later and married just under 2 years in nearly 20 years ago

Are you sure they are in their 30s?

Because their flaws might be fucking massive.

DH and I were engaged after 1 year and 12 days exactly. We were both 33 and weren't living together at the time of our engagement.

We set the date for 21 months after the engagement so had been together for just shy of 3 years when we were married. Moved in together 7 months before the wedding.

Still together 14 years and a baby later.

What's a good amount of time to decide that you can accept their flaws and that you want to marry, 3 years? 4?

Together 7 years before we got engaged.
Bought a property together.
Married a year later, 8 years into the relationship.

Just had our 37th wedding anniversary.

Depending on their "flaws".

It's an odd one, what you might see as a flaw another may just shrug their shoulders and not be bothered by it.

Edit...

Could also be an age thing too...
What maybe bothered me years ago doesnt/wouldn't necessarily bother me now.

As long as the couple have discussed marriage first and it’s something they both want and are ready for then there doesn’t need to be a time frame. A surprise proposal or expecting it without the chat will never work. Also before moving in it’s something that both parties should be in agreeement on.

as for flaws and behaviour in certain situations then as you say it can be years before you see it. Me personally I would be happy to marry without it but would be keen to know how they handle conflict.

We got married after 9 months of living together. Lots of people divorce after years of marriage all the time. It really doesn't matter anymore how long you've been living together because people divorce these days anyway for all kinds of reasons. If you are 35+ and no kids and you want kids, there is no point waiting any longer.

I think it's fine to get engaged after that amount of time at any age.

Live together for at least a year, I’d say. You’ll have seen most of their character by then and know if they’re the person you want to commit to for life.
They’ll have seen you too, of course! So it goes both ways.

We were married 18 months after dating, he asked me when together for 6 months We had been work colleagues and friends for 2 years and had been housemates in a shared house for a few months when he asked me on a date.

Been together 26 years.

I met my DH at 36. We bought a house to move into together after a year because we knew it would work. Married soon after. That was nearly 20 years ago. All good. We'd both been round the block, knew what we wanted and were not into playing games.

Met and married within 6 months.
37 years, and a 24 year old daughter we still laugh together.
If you know, you know

We met in June, moved in together in Nov. Got engaged in Feb. Married in Nov and had dd1 the following September 🤣 we were 35, at that age you've probably travelled, studied, worked etc. You know yourself and what works for you and a partner. I wouldn't say I was cynical but I wasnt expecting to fall head over heels the way I did - i cant believe my luck 😊

I think other people wait longer because they're saving, getting housing sorted etc.

There was recent research out wasn’t their that the most successful marriages occur in couples aged 28-35 who marry within 2 years of meeting.

Together for 18 months then moved in together. Engaged at 3 years together (the same month we bought our house), married the following year. At the time people felt we’d moved fast 🤣
I do agree with others in that you should live together a while before committing to marriage, you need to ensure you’re compatible and there’s no real deal breakers once you’re cohabiting.

I was engaged after 1 year and 4 months together and married 10 months later. I was 29 years old. We recently celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary.

Exit costs from joint property ownership, debt and marriage are high.

DC ties you together as co parents for at least 18 years (or should do, if the father doesn’t turn out to be a deadbeat dad).

18 months is a relatively short time taking into account the risks involved with properties, marriage and (most of all) DC. of course, some men, after much longer relationships change their treatment of their partner and/or turn out to be a shit parent after DC1.

Biology can add time pressure for those of us who want DC.