One working parent

[Virgovirgo]

Under wrong topic but looking for advice from other families where maybe just one parent works?
we have two children aged 4 and 1 who attend school and nursery. We have recently just cleared a huge chunk of debt (8k). My partner is incredibly unhappy in his job and I can see it’s affecting his MH daily. Works on site no flexibility long hours and earning minimum wage. I work 4 days, have flexibility and still come out with more than him.
Now - we are thinking for me to continue working as normal (I have a great work life balance). And my partner take some time out, to be more present with the kids. He’s an amazing dad and would love to be around more, he also would like to see how he can start to make a passive income.
We can pay all bills and just about get by on one wage - we would just have to watch our spending more which is fine by me.

has anyone done this? I know it wouldn’t be a second question if it was the mother taking a career break but unfortunately it’s not common for the father to do this!

@Callisto1 i agree with you there, I think time out will do him good - I couldn’t imagine him being content throughout the day once the children are where they need to be etc. I think he needs a clear mind to see what he enjoys, how he can make better money and look at a different career path where he can have a little more flexibility

He would be putting himself in an extremely precarious situation with his name not even on the mortgage and unmarried ! can't believe he would even consider this tbh.

I agree with this.

Yes, so what would be your joint expectations of his time during that period? Laundry? Meal prep? Nothing?

I don't mean to sound like I'm making a point, just that you both need to be clear.

If the time is for him to rest, fine, but you'll need to make sure you factor that in if you feel tired at the end of the day and still need to cook and run kids through bedtime etc x

@SaladAndChipsForTea oh absolutely that goes without saying for sure.
with the type of man/dad he is I know that he’d need to keep busy to stay motivated - so I do think maybe he actually just needs to have a break for a period of time and then get into something else. I can’t imagine doing this for years!

@Harriet9955 neither of us are worried about this. We have a great relationship, and in time he will be! It just didn’t make sense when we got a better deal with only myself. I’m lucky to have found an amazing partner and dad to our children so I just want to support him as much as possible right now. I’d hate working extremely long hours for minimum wage, grafting all day and missing out on so much time with our children

I was a stay at home mum so not the same as your circumstances but my other half was on minimum wage so it's definitely possible to live on one wage.
For a multitude of reasons I didn't work and we were poor but it was the right decision for the children and I don't regret it for a second- I would always choose time with my kids, so if your partner has that opportunity and you are also happy with it, I would say go for it!

Yes, we do this now. My job was affecting my mental health and I was massively burnt out and on my second round of burnout related sick leave since COVID and then after I went off sick, I got diagnosed with cancer and couldn’t return to work anyway (my contract ran out while I was signed off and my job no longer existed).

It’s absolutely been the best choice I could have made, though could have done without the bloody cancer. 😂 Two things I’d say is make sure he actually takes on the bulk of the parenting and running the household. That means, doing the meal planning and the food shopping, the sorting birthday presents for friends, the GP visits and the sick days, the other life admin, plus the nighttime waking, and then you step in more for bath and bedtime and taking them out on the weekends.

He also needs to use this time wisely to work on himself, his physical and mental health, but also to explore what’s next. I’m a bit suspicious of this passive income crap. That sort of stuff is almost always either a scam (MLMs) or not something most people ever are successful in (investing in some whacky scheme) or take a huge investment before you see returns (property development). What he should do though is use this time to retrain so he can go back to work doing something he enjoys that will take him above minimum wage. I’m starting a course shortly that will then allow me to go self-employed instead of returning to my old sector.

And beyond that, do have a bail out option. Consider what you’d do if it all goes wrong: for example, you get ill and suddenly can’t work and lose your income. Would he be able to easily jump back into employment to support you all? Do you have adequate savings or critical illness cover? Critical illness cover also doesn’t cover much! For example, I’ve been out of work with cancer for a year, but it wouldn’t cover me because my prognosis is that it’s curable (but a bastard). I’d have to be even more ill than not being able to work for a year to get any payout. Basically, make sure you are covered if also you suddenly need to do the same.

@SquirrelRed thats lovely to hear no regrets. It’s not like he’d be taking my place in anyway - as my job is already flexible but it would ease it up for me and if he’s longing to be around more then I see it as a good time to while they are both still young. Thank you for the positive comment. I guess you just learn to live within your means!

What doesn’t concern you? That your DP is putting himself in a very vulnerable position, even more so now you’ve said he’s not on the mortgage?

he also would like to see how he can start to make a passive income

This is a red flag what has he been reading online

"Passive income" is the bloke variant of mlm huns. Where's he going to get this magic passive income stream from? Is he a skilled investor, does he have a huge pot of capital to buy property with & the skills to manage tenants?

Passive income doesn't really exist unless you inherit a large enough pool of capital that it generates enough return to pay advisors for it.

@Ddakji that you think he’s in a vulnerable position. He’s not, & we’re happy 😊

@NuovaPilbeam agreed and he’s aware of that. I think he is aware of how much money can be made online, looking at e-commerce and learning how he can Buy products and sell products - white labelling so buying products and putting his label on it eventually

While the government are somehow pretending we are not in a recession, we are in a recession. Jobs are down, inflation is high, a lot is in flux in the economy. Best thing would be for him to go part time say 2-3 days per week. Extra time with the kids and to try whatever he wants to do, but two CVs being kept active and he has a better chance of getting his job back to full time if you lose yours.

@GRex completely agree with you! Do you have any suggestions on what? It’s much harder for him I find as he’s always been in a trade. So it would be harder for him to go into let’s say admin part time for example

We do it, we have 5 kids and my husband works away offshore, I don't work. It works really well for us because it means I'm always around for the kids and we don't have sky high childcare bills.

@Dramatic i can imagine how much money you’ve saved on childcare bills! Assume your husband is well paid due to working offshore - but financially does it work well?

Why would the youngest still be at nursery if he’s not working?

Yes he's well paid so that does make a massive difference. It works great, I don't really have any qualifications and would more than likely be on minimum wage if I did get a job, it just wouldn't be worth it.

@ToKittyornottoKitty would probably reduce the days slightly (currently goes 3 days) but he gets on well so wouldn’t want to completely change his routine and interactions at nursery

looking at e-commerce and learning how he can Buy products and sell products - white labelling so buying products and putting his label on it eventually

These days its incredibly difficult to make money doing this as platforms like amazon, etsy, vinted and temu enable the manufacturers to reach customers directly, the simply act of buying and selling as a middleman doesn't warrant a profit unless you are bringing some level of expertise and service to it, and that makes it much more work.

I really don't mean to be offensive but he's on minimum wage while old enough to have two kids. Is he the sort of person who will be able to make this money online?
I think you should have a clear plan of x amount of time to get his mental health back on track and then get a job. His plan sounds very pie in the sky.

His plan is honestly utter rubbish. Any business like that has low barriers to new entrants, anyone can come along and replicate your brand/offering. Unless you're are extremely skilled/knowledgeable in marketing or find some way to access a rare product thats highly desirable on an exclusive distribution basis, no chance!

Dh took a break and I worked full time for about 9 months in 2022. The economy wasn't so grim and he wasn't looking to swap careers just he really needed a break. I worked full time and took the time to accelerate my career while he did the vast majority of housework. Dd was in high school so he focussed on applying for jobs and found a perfect fit that he still loves now. He's earning more than before now so, whilst financially stressful at the time has benefited us now. I wish I'd known it'd all work out in the end as I was getting worried about our savings depleting. He was getting very depressed in his previous job so I'm glad we did it. I was getting worried about him

The lines all seem a little blurred and I think it would be sensible for everyone in your family if you both made a proper plan before you commit to this. Dad at home but baby in nursery, unmarried, no plan to contribute towards his pension, no business plan etc. Lots of small businesses fail every day and cost their families lots of money. With small children and one income that could put a huge strain on your relationship. I would want a firmer plan, is he at home to be a SAHD or is he unemployed looking to create a business? Why not build on his current experience? Could he set up alone in his current trade? Is he qualified in that trade, if not can he work towards qualifications?