What would your husband say if he came home from work and you’d had a drink?

[khlolea]

I have had a glass of wine tonight after work, thought why not?
Dh is home and is furious, speaking to me like a disgrace and slamming cupboards.
I now have an uncomfortable silence which isn’t quite a silence because he’s saying he’s not giving me the silent treatment.

I genuinely don't understand why your DH thinks he's the boss of you.

Banging cupboards and giving you the silent treatment because you're having a drink?
I wouldn't put up with that shit. Does he always behave like a twat?

If my DH came home and I was having a drink, he'd say, "Good idea. I'll have one too."

I’ll have one thanks.😁

Mine would assume I'd had a hard day or that I wanted to let my hair down. He might join me, or not. He would certainly not make a big drama of it.

He would probably say "tough day?" Then pour himself one.

He’d say nothing, or ‘where’s mine’!

Why is it a concern to him? I mean is he concerned as you have had a drink on your own and now is reliving a childhood trauma and thinks it's a slippery slope into alcoholism? Or is he controlling? Or is it his wine and he is upset as he didnt want to share? What are his drinking habits? I mean my husband and I are doing dry Sept so he would be upset if I had had a drink without him as we are both being teetotal for the month and we agreed on it. If it was a normal month my husband would possibly be suprised as I do not drink a lot. If a Wednesday to Friday he would probably say pour me a glass but Monday to Tuesday I think he would be surprised if it wasn't Christmas

One glass of wine isn't a drink problem

Nothing because it’s not 1965 🙄

I did this yesterday. He came down from his office, wfh. I was on the sofa reading with a glass of wine. He did not mention it, I doubt he noticed. It is unusual for me to do this on a weekday.

Tell him he will have to get used to it because if YOU feel like a drink you’ll have one. He doesn’t own you.

OK don't mind saying that raises a few red flags for me. In answer to your question:

Nothing
'What do you think of that bottle?'
'Do you want a top up, love?'

Unless you've opened a special bottle, or have also obviously done nothing all day while he's been working, YANBU to highlight his response as weird.

So he's gaslighting you into feeling guilty for doing something innocent, because he has an unhealthy viewpoint of alcohol? His alcohol problem is not your problem. I would either leave, or I would tell him to leave and not come back until he can act in a civil manner and be less abusive.

He probably bought me the bottle I was drinking from 😝

I rarely drink so he’d say “it’s been a tough day then?” 😬🫣 discuss the day and that would be that. Because as an adult you can make your own decisions and choices. I’d tell him to get a grip and stop acting like a toddler having a tantrum over something that’s none of his business. This is such controlling behaviour!

Wow you had a glass of wine big de al You don’t have to ask permission

Ex H would’ve laughed. Wouldn’t have joined me as he can’t drink due to his job. But certainly wouldn’t have behaved in the weird way your husband is!

Can’t imagine being judged for that! I often have a glass of wine with dinner, or a cider or g&t in the evenings.

Is he always this uptight?

He would ask me
what happened (in a caring and supportive way) but only because me drinking on a school day would mean something happened.

Weird. I don't really drink but I didn't think having a glass or at least half a glass of wine of an evening was that unusual. Often I will have a soft drink or kombucha in a wine glass after work because there's just something nice about it. He is out of line.

Who cares? What is the big deal? he should be saying "hi darling, la la la la, tiddly pom.... and how's your day been? "

It depends. If I was a high-functioning alcoholic like you probably are, then yes he’d be upset.

He’d either join me or pour me another (or both).
His behaviour is not normal.

What gives you the impression the OP is a high functioning alcoholic?

He would be surprised, and ask if I was okay… but wouldn’t behave like that.

I don’t drink very often at all, but may just may have a glass of wine at the end of the week once a year. Usually if I’m stressed…. Which is is why he would ask if I was okay.

I don’t understand why he’s behaved like that….. maybe when it blows over ask him. Does he come from a family that drinks? Or know someone with a drinking issue that drank constantly after work?

My adult daughter and I enjoy a glass of wine every evening before dinner with the dog. It’s a lovely way to wind down, catch up and de-stress.
Tell him he needs to chill!