EXH Got Remarried

[wakeupsmelltheroses]

Hi All,

I just wanted to ask your opinions on my situation and will keep it as factual as possible.

Together 24 years married 18

Divorce took 6 years and very stressful

EXH said didn’t want another serious relationship due to costs and stress of Divorce

I have 3 grown up children in their 20’s

Anyway last year since DD graduation we have had a good relationship. Purely platonic and friendly messaging now and then about events and seeing how each other is . All innocent no flirty messages etc .

So a few days ago EXH messaged to ask how I was good BH weekend etc . Then proceeded to say had a bit of news and had got married about 9 days beforehand. To say I was shocked was an understatement. I knew perhaps there was someone in his life but still …

He did not inform his adult children he was getting married as he said he didn’t tell anyone as he knew he couldn’t please everyone so did it after instead .

My Aibu is of course he didn’t need to let the children know it’s his life just let it go

or He is being unreasonable he should of let the children know he had from January till August when he got engaged then remarried (he didn’t tell the children who only met her once at a dinner for DD 21st who didn’t know she was coming at all )

Thank you

They don't have to know what difference will that make , are they going to disapprove if they don't like her? His ex seems very invested perhaps he didnt want them all damaging his new relationship and chance to be happy

Maybe the new wife doesn't like his children? At that one meeting maybe they weren't very nice to her. I have been in those shoes. OP's XH was possibly just keeping the peace as it does tend to be the brides day. Just a possibility.

The OPs original post didn’t mention anything about the wedding just that he told everyone afterwards.

maybe wrong to assume it was an elopement.

Its a pretty shitty thing to do to his kids not telling them or inviting them but that’s up to the grown up kids to speak to him about how they feel and nothing to do with his ex wife.

It isn't nice but even adult children can be upset when their Dad in their eyes replaces their Mum and we have no idea how they behaved towards her when they met, it might have been the exH trying to prevent drama before his wedding. A lot of people are aboidant and the fact that the OP states he said he wouldn't marry again etc.. might make a new serious relationship quite difficult to hear. I think the OP is too enmeshed in this , her children are adults the issues with their Dad are to be sorted between those adults there is no reason for OP to meddle, perhaps this is what lead him to not tell them.

They are adults so their relationship and what they think about what he has done is between them, it is nothing to do with the op

Just for the record there was no dramas . Upon meeting the first time at my daughter’s 21st birthday. It was a total unexpected meeting at a meal with her dad and a few of her friends no mention that he would be bringing anyone.My children were polite .Luckily she had a few of her friends present so just got in with it .

I just don’t understand the logical thinking to not let the children know beforehand of his impeding nuptials . Why keep it under wraps and that was why I posted . I totally understand it’s nothing to do with me but he had a good relationship with his children especially the youngest who kept trying to arrange a time to meet up and got ghosted so now she knows why 🤷‍♀️

@wakeupsmelltheroses it's shockingly selfish behaviour from him. It's almost like he's embarrassed by what he's done but doesn't have the communication skills to explain himself to his children so instead he just hides away and pretend nothing has happened. This must be so confusing for your kids, regardless of their ages. Just be there for them, listen to them and let them know that you are someone they can speak to about anything.

No, but her later post did.

It's not hard to 'see all' of the OP's posts before commenting, even when it isn't realistic to have read every post on a thread.