Conundrum. To buy or not to buy (from a racist!)?

[ratatouille99]

I'm due to pick up an item from Facebook marketplace tomorrow. Something hard to come by for a good price and that my son is very excited to collect. I made the mistake of clicking on the profile of the person in buying it from, and turns out they are really rather racist (joy). I'm nervous now to go. I am a black woman, and whilst I don't feel unsafe, I find it uncomfortable. My white friend has offered to come with me. Would you still buy the item? Or would you let your child down? (He is a 6 year old and has autism so the meltdown will be big...)

What did you see on their Facebook page?

I’m a BW and I’d honestly ask someone if they’d mind doing the pickup for me, if I desperately needed the thing. Otherwise, I’d leave it.

Photos, lots of them. Shared from other pages. Immigrants out, make Britain great again, one of a sniper pointing a gun at small boats, an AI video of a lion with a union Jack on it chasing people wearing hijabs. Pretty awful stuff.

If you’re absolutely certain that he’s racist then would your friend consider going by herself to pick the item up? Then you could take her for a coffee or something to say thanks and collect the item from her.

He doesn't have a car otherwise I would do this! It's a fair drive otherwise I'd ask someone else.

@ratatouille99 send your friend.

I’m mixed race and have experienced outright racism when people have come to collect stuff, so much so I’ve refused to give it to them, especially as it’s free xx

Could you park round the corner and drop him off?

That's a good shout! They know we're coming from a fair distance so might look a bit odd but could work!

Oh that’s a shame. I see your difficulty. Can you tell us what the item is and we can all do a collective massive online search and find some other options for you? Hope you’re ok by the way, must have been a bloody horrible shock to see such abject and disgusting content on his socials.

If you absolutely cannot source it elsewhere, then buy it. Have your friend accompany you, but don't hide. Why should he be free to come and go as he pleases, while you hide down the road and send him your money?

I bet his conviction doesn't extend to declining your custom. You have someone accompanying you, so go boldly.

It would be a hard no from me

Sometimes it's easier to just avoid the awful situation. I'm so tired of it. I'm not ashamed of who I am, I'm just not in the right headspace to be feeling small. But you're right, I should probably just park outside.

I would probably still buy it because it’s for your son, especially with his autism, but I would not like it and it would leave a bad taste, no question.

Can you friend just go in your place altogether? Not that I am advocating him being racist of course, or you having to do this, but it would save you the stress.

I can identify with how tiring it all is.
Sending you some virtual support 🤛🏾.
And I'm sorry you're in this position 🖤.

I once sold a car seat on eBay and the buyer threw it at me when she saw my black child and former occupant of the car seat.

🤯I don't understand people with that level of hatred within them.

I’m so sorry OP, another BW who is tired of this shit, being in high alert all the fucking time.

A neighbour keeps asking for play dates. Something told me not to (spirit didn’t tek her). Found her Facebook by accident and oh my.

it’s a difficult one - if you buy it do you think you’ll always look at it and remember the racist?

If not then go ahead.

My biggest thing would be not disappoint my child.

Yep. One thing we're doing, is fighting that spirit. It's never wrong

I'd probably call the police for assault and destruction of property.

It’s awful you feel this way, however as it’s on marketplace I’m assuming they would have equally seen your profile so know who is buying and who is coming to pick it up. If they were that racist then they wouldn’t sell to you at all? Don’t over think it, a lot of people share stupid shit.

Definitely buy the item, it’s for your DS! I understand why you wouldn’t want to deal with any unpleasantness but neither should you feel you are responsible for it by merely showing your face.

Let your friend pay for and collect the item, then when the deal is safely done, make yourself known. Your money is as good as anybody’s, OP.

Wow, I am so sorry

Drive your friend and wait around the corner if you really want it.

I don’t know if you use Facebook marketplace much but I’d suggest never promising something from Marketplace to your son until you actually have it in your hands.

I think you buy it, park nearby and your friend goes and collects. Make it as easy on yourself as you can. I’m so sorry 😞

Shocking examples of racism and the racists are always so thick