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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend backing off it can’t be because I am looking and feeling better can it?

115 replies

Elphabaa · 07/09/2025 00:14

I have what was a good friend for years and years. We had dc and kept in touch well, if not in person lots of messages and calls and if we could only meet when we had kids with us we still did and it’s always been good even though kids are different ages.

Last time we met, I told friend I was on weight loss injections and had at the time lost a LOT of weight, but she went mad. Really unlike her saying how stupid I am and how unsafe they are to the point I was bouncing between feeling very angry and upset. The last few months have also been good for me and I feel happier than I have in a while. When I was sharing my positive feelings she did not seem to like it (I have had years of stress with parents and other things) in the past she’s always been supportive.

She then didn’t reply to a couple of texts I sent so I left it.

I bumped into her in our local supermarket last week and she appeared really awkward but said ‘we need to catch up’ so I thought great and messaged her to which she said basically thank you for asking her family and kids are all ok, answered a question I asked about her dd at uni and didn’t answer about catching up.

I am thinking just walk away now?

OP posts:
outofofficeagain · 07/09/2025 18:31

Most things become about people’s own feelings, nothing to do with the person.

The judgement around WLI is bizarre. So what if your friend is walking and her MIL, not sure why she feels hers is the morally superior choice.

I have a friend who surrounds herself with people who make her feel better - we are more entourage than friends.

I’m only just beginning to realise this. Everything is about how great her life is and how ‘supportive’ she is of others.

PoshDuckQuarkQuark · 07/09/2025 21:36

JustineRobots · 07/09/2025 17:45

Well she could keep her FEELINGS to herself and just get on with her own life. But I suspect she’s one of these who thinks she’s doing it the “right” way because she isn’t using appetite control medication, so couldn’t resist having a bitch to you about it.

Show quote history

She wasn't bitching. She was frustrated.

Again, people are entitled to have feelings.

outofofficeagain · 07/09/2025 22:40

Yes. And people are entitled to judge people on those feelings if they choose to share them.

JustineRobots · 07/09/2025 23:05

PoshDuckQuarkQuark · 07/09/2025 21:36

She wasn't bitching. She was frustrated.

Again, people are entitled to have feelings.

Show quote history

Why was she frustrated? What does it have to do with her?

SoWhereIsTheElusiveWorkman · 08/09/2025 05:39

Brightlittlecanary · 07/09/2025 07:13

What I have found from reading social media is that many many people, a lot of them women are really messed up about weight, like properly messed up, they are either really unhappy with their own, or being slim is a prize they cherish, so when they see others losing weight, it brings out many negative feelings, envy, resentment, bitterness, anger etc.

you see it on the backlash on wli, some owning it, the obnoxious you’re cheating thing, some hide behind faux concern, the laughable I’m so worried about the long term effects thing, or you will just put it all back on. The screeching desire for people to stop taking them when they reach a certain weight, for people to not be allowed them below a certain bmi so they don’t get slim and stay there. And that’s to strangers on line. Not even friends. The made up stories, my friends all look haunted , they eat as they used to and the fat melts off, or went from a size 20 to a 10 over the summer holidays nonsense.

I realise when I read these silly comments, It’s about them. Not the drugs, not the person losing weight, it’s about them and their feelings on themselves and their place in the social hierarchy, it’s about all their negative feelings rising to the surface.

for many it’s about aesthetics, how slim people, how slim women, look, in comparison to them, not the health benefits, or the health issues that obesity causes, for them in their heads it’s all about appearance.

and it’s the same for your friend, it’s not about you or the drugs, it’s about her, and her feelings on herself. So id stay loosely in touch if you were previous good friends, , but no more, either she will get over it, or she won’t, but do recognise this isn’t about you. It’s about her and her own issues.

Similarly prior to WLI, you could go on <insert any healthy eating plan here> and have people exhibit outrage and lecture you about how they didn’t believe in diets. “Diets” were very bad. Diets would make you put on the weight again. And more! They would mess up your life. They knew a woman
who had lost nine stone on a diet. And she had found it all again.

These same people would always just be “cleansing” on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This wasn’t a diet. This was “cleansing”. Or they were just “healthy eating”. Or “detoxing”.

Someone in my circle
claimed to have “just stopped eating tomatoes”. He must have eaten truckloads previously as he had lost about three stone.
:-D

I think you’re better to say nothing when losing weight, as lots of people have massive hang ups about weight and their food intake.

SoWhereIsTheElusiveWorkman · 08/09/2025 05:45

Weight rivalry & competitiveness is unreal. I was once a bridesmaid and was told in the lead up to the wedding that Bridesmaid 2 was on a weight loss kick as “there is always a fat bridesmaid and a thin bridesmaid and she says she isn’t going to be the fat bridesmaid”.

PutThe · 08/09/2025 06:59

PoshDuckQuarkQuark · 07/09/2025 21:36

She wasn't bitching. She was frustrated.

Again, people are entitled to have feelings.

Show quote history

Indeed, and other people are entitled to point out when those feelings are so foolish and cringe that they ought really to be kept private. Imagine showing yourself up telling MN you have strong feelings about your friends MILs pharmaceutical choices! Couldn't be me.

Tranky · 08/09/2025 07:20

arcticpandas · 07/09/2025 08:21

@Elphabaa One question : has the wli been prescribed to you by a Dr? I mean are you eligible? I have a friend who is on them but not eligible and not overweight. She just wants to be Posh Spice skinny and find starving herself easy on wli. I do think she's irresponsable and quite stupid (not close friends).

If you are eligible I can see different scenarios:

  1. She is overweight herself but not eligible to wli on Nhs so therefore jealous.
  1. She's overweight and she felt secure with you both being overweight together and now feels "stranded" by you being slim.
  1. She's slim and felt prettier/better than you being so. She's working hard towards staying slim and now thinks you're being handed all on a silver plate while she has to make an effort.
  1. She is truly worried about the side effects of the wli and she's scared that you will become ill/die. This is a legitimate concern ofcourse which is why the wli are only prescribed to those who are at greater risk to their health by staying obese than taking the wli. It's a risk-benefit analysis done by professionnals why It's important to actually be eligible for the wli and not just take them because you know someone willing to prescribe them (as my friend).
  1. Without you having noticed it you have been talking non-stop about the wli like your New religion (some do) and she was so fed up about it which explains her strong reaction.

Can't think of any other reason.. Which one do you think it is @Elphabaa ?

OP I totally sympathise because I experienced this as young as 13 when I lost weight -

personally I suspect that the second ‘Stranded’ point applies in your situation

based on my experience I’d distance myself from her OP. She hasn’t got your interests at heart

soupyspoon · 08/09/2025 07:29

JustineRobots · 07/09/2025 10:35

No they’re not. “It’s how I feel” is not a universal get-out clause.

Show quote history

I was about to say this. A feeling is just that, it has no justification or validation or significance or status

Feelings are also not reliable barometers of the facts of a situation.

MuppetFace · 08/09/2025 07:33

ColinOfficeTrolley · 07/09/2025 07:14

These are the kind of comments WLI users get all the time, but really I'm one, and I really don't mention it. I'm not embarrassed and if anyone asks I will tell them, but I was worse when I did go slimming clubs etc. WLI make you NOT obsessed with food, unlike the clubs, so less likely to harp on about calories etc.

The results speak for themselves and some people just don't like it.

Show quote history

I absolutely agree with you. Because WLI have allowed me to create a healthy relationship with food then I actually forget that I am dieting for the most part. I just get on with my life. As for the weight loss - I’m happy I’m healthier - but I’m never happy with how my body looks so I certainly don’t go on about it.

MushMonster · 08/09/2025 07:37

I am not sure if she will be back by your side or not. Only time will tell. But she had some intense reaction to the weight injections. She seems to feel strongly about that.

Nestingbirds · 08/09/2025 21:07

MushMonster · 08/09/2025 07:37

I am not sure if she will be back by your side or not. Only time will tell. But she had some intense reaction to the weight injections. She seems to feel strongly about that.

Yes I agree so it indicates it’s a personal issue SHE has, not op. Op can make the best choices for herself, she is not responsible for other people’s issues.

I am not sure op will want her by her side, unless she is able to explain herself fully.

Original poster
Elphabaa · 30/09/2025 23:53

Thanks everyone.
Sorry to leave the time between posting and now replying, I have put off reading the replies as it genuinely hurts that I have lost her.

To answer your questions;

  • Friend is very slim but I know does watch what she eats so if she has lunch she might not have dinner.
  • Friend is beautiful- I have friends of all sizes- about 6 I can think of would be clinically obese and they are all beautiful outside and inside, I have never cared about someone’s looks but their qualities.
  • Only since seeing it on here and thinking about what you have said, Friend has a lot of larger friends! (I know some of them through gatherings/ family party’s)
  • Her usual big holiday didnt go ahead this year due to finances (I have friends on benefits and very rich friends - I don’t care about status, in fact I have paid so many times when we have gone out, maybe it’s her finances?
  • I don’t go on about WL at all unless with a friend who’s doing the journey too. It’s fully about me and my health and I own that and don’t go on about it. I told her (as I have told other friends) as I am honest about the help from jabs and it came about as she asked why I had salad.
  • She has NEVER got as blunt and unkind as she did that day it’s a side I’ve only seen when she talks of her partners ex’s.
  • Our friendship was mutual- we shared highs and lows there has never been a problem.
  • I would say her worst feature is looking down on some people, like if they aren’t dressed fashionably or their colours clash. It’s just the way she is.

I miss her but it’s time to move on.
Thank you everyone

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 01/10/2025 08:02

That’s very sad, but it sounds like she wasn’t as good a friend as you thought. From your description of her judging other people I suspect that beneath the surface she’s not as nice as you thought. I “broke up” with a friend about a year and a half ago when I finally realised she was actually abusive. It still hurts and I still think about her a lot. I guess it’s not that dissimilar to a romantic relationship in that way. It hurts when it ends abruptly. I hope you can focus on friends who are supportive of you and not judgemental.

PollyBell · 01/10/2025 08:22

How do you know it is all about you?, that could come across as narcissistic

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