Friend backing off it can’t be because I am looking and feeling better can it?

[Elphabaa]

I have what was a good friend for years and years. We had dc and kept in touch well, if not in person lots of messages and calls and if we could only meet when we had kids with us we still did and it’s always been good even though kids are different ages.

Last time we met, I told friend I was on weight loss injections and had at the time lost a LOT of weight, but she went mad. Really unlike her saying how stupid I am and how unsafe they are to the point I was bouncing between feeling very angry and upset. The last few months have also been good for me and I feel happier than I have in a while. When I was sharing my positive feelings she did not seem to like it (I have had years of stress with parents and other things) in the past she’s always been supportive.

She then didn’t reply to a couple of texts I sent so I left it.

I bumped into her in our local supermarket last week and she appeared really awkward but said ‘we need to catch up’ so I thought great and messaged her to which she said basically thank you for asking her family and kids are all ok, answered a question I asked about her dd at uni and didn’t answer about catching up.

I am thinking just walk away now?

These are the kind of comments WLI users get all the time, but really I'm one, and I really don't mention it. I'm not embarrassed and if anyone asks I will tell them, but I was worse when I did go slimming clubs etc. WLI make you NOT obsessed with food, unlike the clubs, so less likely to harp on about calories etc.

The results speak for themselves and some people just don't like it.

Maybe your friend genuinely thinks WLI are dangerous and/or knows someone who has fallen to the rare but extreme side effects. There are people out there that know these people. Just maybe it isn't about you @Elphabaa

Go your own sweet way. If she really cared she would have reacted by now. People find time for the things that are important to them. I have seen it time and time again. Go and enjoy your new self, find new people and enjoy new experiences. The past has gone, embrace your future.

I'm the sort of person who would front it out.

I'd send a message like

"Hi friend. Just checking you're ok? You really didn't seem yourself when we last met. Tbh, I came away from that meeting feeling upset and concerned, as you didn't seem yourself. You didn't reply to the last couple of texts I sent you. When I saw you in Tesco last week, you again didn't seem your normal bubbly self and you've not given me any idea of dates we can meet. Our friendship means a lot to me, and I'm worried about you as this isn't normal for us. If I've got things wrong, I'm sorry, and I'm looking forward to meeting soon. But if something is going on in your life that I'm not aware of, please know that I care about you, I'm always here for you and I want to support you through it."

If you don't get a reply, the friendship is over.

NB nothing in there about what she said about the WLI. If that really is her problem, then let her tell you clearly.

I realised my long term best friend only liked being friends with people she felt better than, as she liked helping. I was a sahm for 10 years and we interacted daily. As soon as I got a very well paid job she became distant and strange. Would no longer book me in to do my hair (she's a mobile hair dresser) even though I said I'd start paying full price because of my job. She quoted me double what I'd normally pay, which is the same price my new hairdresser changes me! Still.nevwe booked me in! Left my birthday present 2 weeks late behind my bin, even though I was clearly in. Stopped buying my kids birthday/birthday presents. Now she's struck up a close friendship with a lady I know, who's husband has left her alone with 3 children. She's struggling financially and with caring for her mum who has parkinsons. She just likes people who are struggling for some strange reason. Your friend doesn't like it that you're doing well for yourself. Leave her and find new friends.

I agree with you, in my experience people losing weight tend to be very self conscious of how often they mention it. I do take these stories with a huge pinch of salt. However if you leave your relationship it’s as the relationship isn’t good, not because you’re a size ten. I read these kind of comments, cock an eyebrow, smile and move on, it just comes across as so bitter and jealous.

Yeah she's not a good friend I wouldn't bother.

So many people do this. I have a friend who is only really happy to be my friend and hang out when she is doing better than me professionally (we are in the same field.) took me years to figure out what was going on.
maybe it’s a symptom of our compare culture on social media…?

A friend's MIL is having the injections to lose weight.

My friend on the other hand is eating healthily and walking lots to lose weight.

She sees her MILs decision to use the injections as lazy and lost a lot of respect for her as she could have lost the weight through diet and exercise but couldn't be bothered.

And this injection also hasn't been researched as much as it perhaps should have been...

Fat people are treated quite differently to slim people. When you slim down your friends are suddenly confronted with a slim person and your role in the friendship group might change and they can't cope with it. A person who has a fat friend suddenly loses that fat friend who is replaced by a thin "rival".

This is quite common, OP. Be careful. A lot of people sabotage their weight loss efforts because subconsciously they don't want to lose their friends or their place in the friendship group when they lose weight.

People hardly ever talk about this as one of the challenges and consequences of weight loss.

@PoshDuckQuarkQuark its great that your friend has you talk to and express her frustration.
You might suggest that MIL may have been trying for years and years to lose weight through diet and exercise but has always failed and regained any lost weight, WLIs might be life changing for her.
As an older woman, she’s probably menopausal or post- menopausal and was finding it harder to shift the weight.
She may have other health problems that you’re friend is unaware of, and she may be feeling pretty self-conscious about her body and wanting to look better to avoid negative judgement.
The fact your friend is successful in losing weight is not diminished by another woman losing weight a different way.

I think we should all mind our own business about the way people chose to manage their weight issues. I am struggling to lose weight at the moment, but I would never use weight loss jobs. The fact that others choose to do so has nothing to do with me. I might feel a bit envious when I see them slimmed down, but I don't think I hold a moral high ground because I refuse the jabs and want to lose through diet and exercise. Live and let live.

@Elphabaa im overweight myself but haven't gone down the WLI route as im nervous that there isn't enough known about the impacts long term plus sods law ill be the one with the bad side effects! I have friends on WLI who i haven't seen as much/distanced a bit from purely because I've realised a lot of our friendship was talking about weight beforehand, like a shared set of moans, yet now they have lost it, there isn't as much to chat about OR they made me feel bad about my weight. I think if your friendship is strong, it will work out. One of mine does work but I avoid all chat about weight!

Why does she give a shit how her MIL loses weight.

If her mother in law had high cholesterol would she give a shit if she took a statin instead of eating porridge every day or whatever. Would she wonder how thoroughly the safety of the Statin had been researched. Of course not. It affects her not one bit and is ridiculous.

No one has been ringing their hands about the long term safety of a medication that their MIL is taking - until Weight Loss Injections - funny that.

Tbh I also kind of agree with this. I wondered if your own life experiences haven’t left much room for your friend to also share / feel supported about whatever. I often feel that people’s ‘weight journeys’ are such at the forefront of their minds that it clouds a lot of everything else and they sometimes see everything through that whereas actually no one else really notices or cares. There was a thread this week that I thought was a good example of this where a woman in a charity shop got upset by a comment over whether she should try on a dress before buying. Could’ve been a perfectly harmless exchange between strangers but to her it was only and totally because of her weight loss..

She lives with her MIL.

It's definitely a lifestyle thing unfortunately.

My friend is also overweight due to lifestyle. She knows that. She isnt fond of exercise so has been trying really hard with the walking, using a fitbit to make sure she does at least 15000 steps a day.

Her MIL thinks she should just get the injection as thinks the walking is far too much effort.

I'm really proud of her. She has been losing about half to 1lb a week so now almost 1.5 stone down. Hopefully she can keep it up when it gets colder!

Who on earth does your friend think she is to judge others how they lose weight? She sounds bitter and jealous herself. It is neither lazy or risky it is effective and you would do your friend a great service by reminding her that being harsh, critical and judgemental will not win her many friends and allies.

Op in this very post I think you can see what you are up against. This is almost certainly how your ‘friend’ feels, and she really really does not have your best interests at heart.

I’d never contact her again and wouldn’t go out of my way to even speak to her should you see her around.

….

Sorry the above post was to this.

Good grief, really? I suggest you write immediatly to the WHO, mhra, fda, and all the other global health authorities who feel it’s been extensively tested and approved it.
lef us know how that goes for you? And thanks for letting everyone know!

It's how she feels.

Her feelings are justified.

Hi OP, a froend of mine had a very similar reaction - so i let her have her tantrums for a few months, disnt speak or text…. Until she wanted to meet and finally was very interested in the WLI
she had many feelings to process first (+ lots of other things going in her life)
so hang on there, give her some space and she might come back

It doesn't sound like she is sick of hearing about it. She shouts at her friend about using the weight loss jab. Someone who does that would have said if she was annoyed by her friend going on about it. She shouted at her friend, for God's sake. Even if it was for what you suggest it would not be ok. It's abusive. I think Op should stay well away.

At least we know what the worst side effects of these injections are. They seem to ruin a of friendships and family networks 😢.

???????

I am not over weight and have no knowledge of this drug.

My friend is a human being and has feelings and concerns that are justified.