To go abroad on holiday (EU) 2 days after DH has major surgery?

[chocolatebiscuitforme]

Name change for this one as could be outing.

DH has Dupreten's contracture. Had surgery on both hands twice. All good with his right hand, but his left hand is becoming more claw-like & increasingly useless to him. I have to help him dress - he can't manage buttons, had problems putting on socks, doing up shoes, I have to cut up his food as he can't manage a knife & fork, all kind of little things. It's a big frustration to him & he hates needing my help. I get that.

He saw the consultant recently who has said he can have more surgery on his left hand, which hopefully will release his 3 forefingers, but he needs his little finger to be removed. He has a surgery date of 29/9/25 & after that he will have his arm elevated in plaster cast for at least 8 weeks. Surgeon has warned him that he will need help dressing etc for some months afterwards & risk of infection etc. We're booked fly out to Madeira for 14 days on 3/10/25. I've said it's too close to his surgery & he should delay his surgery until we get home. He's said 'no' as he wants it over & done with ASAP. I have every sympathy with his feelings, but I'm concerned that he will be in the early stages of recovery & not a good time to go on holiday, especially to somewhere that is likely to be warm (which is why we booked Madeira in October). We have holiday insurance, but they won't pay out as they regard it as elective surgery that could be booked for after our holiday. I must confess that I'm concerned that my holiday will be ruined by caring for post-op DH rather than enjoying travelling around the island etc.

As it stands DH has left a message with consultant's secretary to say that we're due to fly abroad 2 days after surgery & would this be OK. We have yet to hear back. I strongly suspect that they will say that he's not safe to travel abroad due to the risk of infection, the fact that he will have had a general anaesthetic so soon and many other reasons.

But, my question is: AIBU to ask him to delay his surgery until we get home?

How long has he had to wait to get the surgery date? Is he likely to have to wait a long time for the next date?

Are you mad?

You won’t be allowed to fly that soon after surgery and with a plaster cast. Even if you were would your insurance cover him if he had complications while on holiday.

Reasonable to ask. Perfectly reasonable of him to decline.

But you’ve already asked. And he’s already declined.

So what you mean is ‘Would it be unreasonable of me to bang on about this until he gives in?’

you are being so unreasonable it’s not funny op. Prioritising a holiday over your dh’s health and wellbeing is inexcusable
All I can hear from your post is me me me.

OP it's insane to even attempt this. Two days after major surgery? FGS move the holiday to a time when you know you can go and both, hopefully, enjoy it. Generally, rebooking for another time is fairly straightforward.

Surely you prioritise the surgery? You can’t possibly even be considering the idea of going on holiday two days after a major operation like that! It’s insane!

getting your husband this surgery will massively change his quality of life and health
you don’t prioritise a holiday - you get him well
no he won’t be able to fly 2 days after surgery and if he’s in a cast

Very unlikely that he’d be ok’d to fly that close and you’d be mad to risk infection etc.

My family have a history with dupreten’s, my grandad has the same surgery as your husband is having. It did help but it’s not an easy surgery. I would expect your husband to need to rest and will be in a lot of pain.

Bonkers. It's a common enough operation and you could put it off a few weeks. My BIL had it done earlier this year. He'd been waiting for a while and was offered a date which would have been the week before a holiday. He said no and got it booked for 6 weeks later.
He would probably need his dressing changed and it may still be very painful after only two days.

Funnily enough he hasn't had to wait long at all - saw consultant about 5 weeks ago. Impressed with the NHS! No idea how long he will have to wait for another date.

^ This

I doubt his consultatnt would be happy with that. Flying carries risk of DVT for a start. (I had to have surgery abroad and flew 3.5 weeks later and had to wear compression stickings etc. Surgeon cleared it but insisted on seeing me day before departure and I got warned about DVT synptoms to look out for). And also, what if he got an infection, or worse, sepsis, and you'are so far from home?

Your travel insurance probably won't cover anything related to the surgery. Even though it's Portugal so part of EU and with a Global Health Insurance Card for EU healthcare, tif he ended up in hospital or seriously unell, that won't cover extra costs of your having to stay longer or any special flights home.

Hopefully he'll see sense and delay surgery. Or you cancel the holiday.

If the hospital offer a chage of date shortly after your holiday, that would be ideal.
Otherwise, there is no way he can be fit to fly and travel on holiday following a joint amputation, it would be reckless and he will be in pain.

This is what you need to find out asap. If he can have the surgery immediately on returning from holiday then go with that. Otherwise it’s difficult and you may need to postpone the holiday.

This is what you need to find out asap. If he can have the surgery immediately on returning from holiday then go with that. Otherwise it’s difficult and you may need to postpone the holiday.

Yes. Pay to change your booking to another date.

Delay the holiday, not the surgery. This isn’t even a question. Come on.

Just to make it clear - I'm saying to delay surgery as I think he will be in a better place to manage the pain & inconvenience of post-op if he's had a nice holiday before surgery. It's him who's determined to have the surgery on 29/9/25.

I think that he's got no idea how bad he's likely to feel post-op. Not just the physical aspects but the psychological aspect of having a finger amputated.

If I could I'd claim on the insurance & cancel the holiday, but that's not possible because, as I say, they regard it as elective surgery that could be delayed. It's costing us about £2k & we can't afford to kiss goodbye to that amount of money.

I'm hopeful that the surgeon will say no to him going on holiday within a couple of days of surgery.

I can’t believe your first thought was anything other than “oh no will have to get onto the travel insurance and cancel”

My sister had her Dupuytrens contracture operated on and then two days later went skiing, hers affected her thumb and first finger on her right hand, she's left handed and doesn't use ski poles so figured it'd be fine... and it was.

No one had any concerns about flying or infection management (abroad doesn't have more/worse germs than here unless you're going to some third world country with no sanitation)... they weren't overly chuffed with the skiing part of it, mostly concerns about her falling on it, but she just ignored that.

I think surgery that would improve his ability to perform self care trumps holiday - but also if he wants to go on holiday after surgery... thats fine! Unless he is planning on digging in the shite barehanded, I really don't see how being on holiday is any sort of increase in infection risk! I also don't see how this is more work for you, you have to help him now, whether you're at home or not.

If it's elected surgery presumably you are private ... Just make it for when you come back

This is unfortunate. It's always the way hospital appointments come in same time as holiday.

As your insurance won't pay I'm assuming you'll loose a good amount of money.

Is your dh definite about not going on holiday 1st ? It would be lovely to have to a relaxing break before the operation, then you can both focus on his recovery, obviously depends on wait time.

The only thing is if you do travel after the operation you'll have to declare this, bumping up your insurance, most are up to 6 months but some insurance companies are longer.

I'd check the waiting time, then make a decision.

That wasn't my first thought at all!

My first thoughts were about DH - obviously. We got a phone call on Friday offering him surgery on 29 Sept - I said OK, so let's see what we can do about our holiday - made enquiries, then when I was told no way could they change our booking, I suggested to DH that we forget the holiday & suck up the money that we would lose - DH was having none of that. My next suggestion was it would be better for us to have a lovely relaxing holiday & then he can go into hospital for his surgery. I'm trying my best to accommodate him.

Elective just means booked rather than emergency. Doesn't mean it's private.