To go abroad on holiday (EU) 2 days after DH has major surgery?

[chocolatebiscuitforme]

Name change for this one as could be outing.

DH has Dupreten's contracture. Had surgery on both hands twice. All good with his right hand, but his left hand is becoming more claw-like & increasingly useless to him. I have to help him dress - he can't manage buttons, had problems putting on socks, doing up shoes, I have to cut up his food as he can't manage a knife & fork, all kind of little things. It's a big frustration to him & he hates needing my help. I get that.

He saw the consultant recently who has said he can have more surgery on his left hand, which hopefully will release his 3 forefingers, but he needs his little finger to be removed. He has a surgery date of 29/9/25 & after that he will have his arm elevated in plaster cast for at least 8 weeks. Surgeon has warned him that he will need help dressing etc for some months afterwards & risk of infection etc. We're booked fly out to Madeira for 14 days on 3/10/25. I've said it's too close to his surgery & he should delay his surgery until we get home. He's said 'no' as he wants it over & done with ASAP. I have every sympathy with his feelings, but I'm concerned that he will be in the early stages of recovery & not a good time to go on holiday, especially to somewhere that is likely to be warm (which is why we booked Madeira in October). We have holiday insurance, but they won't pay out as they regard it as elective surgery that could be booked for after our holiday. I must confess that I'm concerned that my holiday will be ruined by caring for post-op DH rather than enjoying travelling around the island etc.

As it stands DH has left a message with consultant's secretary to say that we're due to fly abroad 2 days after surgery & would this be OK. We have yet to hear back. I strongly suspect that they will say that he's not safe to travel abroad due to the risk of infection, the fact that he will have had a general anaesthetic so soon and many other reasons.

But, my question is: AIBU to ask him to delay his surgery until we get home?

@chocolatebiscuitforme

Apologies if I missed it but have you checked the airline's T&Cs?

The plaster cast in itself might be an issue and some airlines require clearance from their own medics/medical clearance team before carriage so soon after surgery.

It would be a shame to say the least to get as far as the gate or even the aircraft and then be denied boarding.

My surgeon advised against flying for just a broken finger surgery, and I was flying 10 days later. To be honest, he didn't say I couldn't / shouldn't go - I did press him on that point - but he said he wouldn't do it. Since he wouldn't say one way or the other I was stuck (insurance wouldn't have paid out) and went, and it was fine. But no way on God's earth would I fly after what you describe, and I also can't imagine the surgeon agreeing. Also, you may have insurance but they will need a premium extra to cover that (if they will cover it at all) if you went. My broken finger doubled my annual policy. It was £370 extra.

@WiddlinDiddlin He is having a finger amputated. That’s not a small thing.

Once you have been shunted up the list, I have found it is possible to change appointments to within a reasonable time of the original one. It may be because my experience involved multiple surgeries so a lot of people had to shift things around a bit. It is definitely worth a go though.

You are probably better off discussing it again once you have the info about how long you would have to wait if you rebook the surgery. It could be a short wait! I wouldn’t want to be in pain on holiday, but should you need it, medical care in Madeira is really very good (lived there for a while and my oldest was born there).

@chocolatebiscuitforme my best mate got scheduled for a hernia operation just 4 days before their booked holiday (and just 4 weeks notice). The surgeon said she absolutely should not be travelling so soon after the operation, so the hospital moved the operation for her to a date 4 weeks later. She actually wanted to enjoy the holiday too.

My mum had exactly the same for a cataract operation as the travel company wanted consent from the hospital that she would be fit to fly, and the hospital said no. There is a clause in the insurance about this.

Your DH is being ridiculous. The NHS frequently move non urgent operations for people. It's normal. Why on earth would he want to spoil the holiday. It's almost as if he wants to be in a nice warm climate with you waiting on him hand and foot!

No I didn't miss it - its a finger, not a leg or an arm, it'll be dressed and in a cast, as long as he keeps it elevated and takes his pain medication regularly and doesn't something stupid like try to unblock a bog with it, the infection risk is not really more significant than the infection risk from the other surgical wounds he'll have.

Did you miss that he wants to go on holiday, is an adult, can make his own decisions and has had several similar ops before so knows very well what he'll feel like afterwards?

They're also going on a nice relaxing holiday to Madeira, not flinging themselves down black runs in Switzerland. This makes the 'had a finger amputated' significantly less of a worry.

Op, don’t know why you’re getting such a hard time, it sounds like a really difficult situation and you don’t sound remotely selfish, just trying be realistic about weighing up the practicalities of post op recovery against the holiday and the loss of money cancellation would incur.

Your DH does not sound like he is being realistic. He needs to recover at home. It needs to be checked with the travel insurance and airline but I doubt he would even be able to travel that soon after the op. Hopefully being told this officially would put an end to that train of thought.

So you’re absolutely right to involve the surgeon in the discussions. If the delay to the op would only be a few weeks, have it after you come back. If it would be substantial, go ahead with the op and take the hit on the holiday..

I’m not too impressed with your travel insurance company though, he’s having a finger amputated and has current care needs not a boob job for aesthetic reasons. I think refusing to pay out due to being elective surgery should be challenged, maybe through a complaint/ombudsman procedure. His condition has deteriorated to the point the surgery now sounds essential and this is the date they’ve provided him. This is what travel insurance is for.

Some things in life are more important than money and holidays.

This is one of them.

I know of a person who cancelled their NHS hip replacement operation because of a relative's wedding that they would otherwise have missed. The waiting list was so long, that after that, they never did actually get the operation, as they were too unwell. The initial date for the operation came up quite quickly, but it didn't the second time.

Your DH not being able to cut up his own food and dress easily is a big deal! I can see why he wants to crack on with trying to get his hand fixed.

It’s possible your insurer will decline cover for any post-op issues related to his surgery if he travels in any case, partly due to the proximity of your dates to his surgery and because they’ve already told you they deem it to be elective. You’d be mad to travel without insurance. It’s also possible the airline would require a fit to fly note from the surgeon. Have you asked the surgeon whether they’d be willing to do that so near to his surgery? Again unlikely. I am assuming they’d expect to see him back in clinic the following week for post-op checks or dressing changes.

I had to make a similar call when I was offered a cancellation date for surgery at short notice. I’d been ready for the surgery and on a theatre waiting list due to the COVID backlog for 14 months. One consideration that swung my decision was that a surgery date later in the winter could be bumped or cancelled due to NHS winter pressures. I took the slot offered and let my holiday go, uninsured (edit: because my insurer also deemed it elective) so no refund.

How much would your husband’s surgery cost if he went private? Is it more or less than your £2K holiday. That may help weigh the value of the imminent surgery date if there’s a risk he goes back on a long list. Also consider the value of his improved quality of life? Is it more or less than a notional £2K?

It feels like you’re not seeing the bigger picture here.

If thia was reversed you would be told whatever surgery you want comes first and he should just get on with it

Another tip: don’t cancel the holiday just in case his surgery is cancelled at the last minute. If it’s not covered by your insurer anyway you may as well leave your arrangements in place.

Please read the bloody thread. You are just showing yourself up for commenting and not reading.

I get that dh wants the surgery quickly, but can he speak to the consultant and delay it by two weeks. Although important, surely two weeks won’t make a huge difference.

Insurance may be difficult so close to an operation, and he probably won’t feel like flying. I find that general anaesthetic alone makes me feel sleepy for a few days, and he could be in alot of pain.

The insurance premium when you declare the surgery will be high as the chances of needing medical care is high. Your DH is going to have to choose whether to forgo the holiday and lose the money, or ask how long until the next surgery date. It would be silly to travel abroad so soon after the surgery. I’ve had quite a few surgeries, and know how easy it is for complications to set in. If that happens, you want to be near home and the surgeons that did the op, not abroad looking for emergency health care.

I personally think going on holiday and postponing the surgery is the best thing.

You won’t be able to fly with a cast on - airlines don’t allow it

He really won’t be well enough.

But I think we all should have a bit more sympathy for someone facing surgery to amputate part of their body. It must be very scary to be contemplating this.

So I can see why he’s invested in pretending that everything will be OK.

Very good point!!

This is either a deliberately obtuse way of reading the OP or you have comprehension issues. Which I actually think is the same for many of the people replying to the OP. It is clear from her first post that she suggested cancelling/moving the holiday but it is her DH who wants to have the surgery on the proposed date then immediately go on holiday. Your quote is the OP’s response to him wanting both the surgery and the holiday.

@chocolatebiscuitforme you sound kind and sensible. You’re in a tricky position with a DH who is understandably frustrated due to the effects of his condition. I think you are right, you either cancel/move the holiday at cost or change the date of the surgery, the two things cannot happen that close together.

Many do allow it but subject to restrictions, for example whether the cast is split or not and there might be a minimum time limit between application and flying..in some instances there is a 48 hour rule which might be a factor here.

It varies from airline to airline and the airline can deny boarding on the day if the crew aren't happy with the situation.

The OP/DH really needs to check with the carrier as well as the medics involved.

To go on the holiday just after the surgery would be ridiculous even if your holiday insurance covered any possible complications developing, which I bet it wouldn't.

If the surgery could be postponed just for 2 or 3 weeks that would be the best option. If not, you’ll have to rebook the holiday and suck up any cost involved.

I can’t see him being considered fit to fly. It’s not so much about increased risk of infection, but the increased risk of swelling and blood clots, and lack of access to specialist after-care, plus airline rules on flying with a cast. I would expect him to have a follow up appointment a week or so after the surgery anyway.

And clearly the travel insurance won’t cover him for post-surgery complications so you’d be relying on GHIC. Getting home (at your own expense) without flying is at least slightly feasible from mainland Portugal, but not so much from Madeira.

Really, your DH is being unrealistic - but who can blame the man for wanting his surgery and his holiday?

The best thing to do is bring the holiday forward if you can. But otherwise just say “mmm let’s hope the surgeon and the airline both say it’s OK” until the appointment. After then you’ll really know what you’re dealing with.

If, after being told no way, he’s still planning to go, then you have a whole different problem on your hands!

And, as the pp said, a cancellation isn’t unlikely. So it makes sense (unless you manage to move the holiday) to hang onto it. It’s absolutely devastating to have surgery cancelled so hopping on a plane a couple of days later would help take the sting out.

Your mistake was posting in AIBU, and not framing this as “Is DH being unreasonable”. Keyboard warriors with limited comprehension skills and no empathy love a pile on.

You need to pick one. Ask the nhs if they can delay but you might wait ages. But you cannot go on holiday two days after major surgery, that’s obvious. If they can’t change the date, then you claim what you can and try again.

you said you book several holidays a year so this isn’t exactly a once in a lifetime thing and you clearly have the funds to book something else once he’s recovered.

Postpone the holiday. Take no notice of DH

He'll be pleased once he realises how challenging recovery is

YABU to delay the op. It's the holiday that needs to be postponed or cancelled. I have a similar condition in one hand (I have mild CP) though thankfully such an extreme solution has not been floated.

But I can well understand why he doesn't want to postpone the surgery - if you've been told you need an amputation, I'd want to get that over and done with asap and not have it hanging over my head whilst on holiday, poor man. Flying off on holiday 2 days after you've had an amputation sounds like absolute madness and more or less a cast-iron guarantee you'll both have a miserable, stressful holiday.