To think I don’t have a alcohol problem

[Boingyboingy]

So I do tend to drink everyday. Never to the point of not being able to walk, being sick etc. I don’t wake up and crave it, I just crave the feeling of being chilled out and being able to deal with stress better. DH thinks I am an alcoholic and has been going mad at me

How much do you drink in each sitting?

You are an alcoholic … you’ve said there you’re not afraid to admit it … but you are actually are afraid to admit it, because everything you’ve wrote says you’re an alcoholic 🤷‍♀️
From the NHS website - If someone loses control over their drinking and has an excessive desire to drink, it's known as dependent drinking (alcoholism). Dependent drinking usually affects a person's quality of life and relationships, but they may not always find it easy to see or accept this.
If you value your health and your marriage, I’d face up to it, accept it and get help.

I think there are people who get dependent on things and people that don’t. I can get dependent on pretty much anything so I have to watch out that it isn’t causing problems or becoming too much. If I give one thing up, I switch to something else.

I don't think any one thing necessarily points to alcohol dependency. It's looking at everything together (reasons for drinking, frequency, quantity, is it affecting their life negatively, is it affecting relationships etc). Only OP really knows if there's a problem.

There’s a few things to think about here
1 .. how much you are actually drinking and how that may affect your body (I wouldn’t rush to see a GP unless it’s a significant amount)
2 .. you are using alcohol as an unhealthy way to switch off/de-stress regardless of the amount - are you ready to properly recognise that is a problem
3 .. what do you want to do (maybe nothing). do you want to try and reduce the units, have more alcohol free nights, only drink alcohol socially, stop completely .. you need to be realistic in your goal
4 .. how will you achieve the above and do you feel that you could benefit from some support to learn how to manage stress etc in a healthier way

Sorry but that's really not true. It doesn't matter whether it's wine, beer or spirits - it's Alcohol that is toxic. The form it takes is irrelevant.

Watch "Rain In My Heart" (BBC I Player I think) - a Consultant explains this in the opening few minutes.

Wx husband was a functioning alcoholic and stopped drinking sundays initially and was horrible all bloody day. He then started drinking sundays again from 11am til evening. Can i ask do you drink frosty jacks?

Alcoholism is hereditary.

I think you have a drink problem.

I also agree that you're down that big river in Egypt.

Maybe try trip or similar or one of those magnesium drinks. Alternatively an alcohol free version of what you normally drink.
You will be able to establish then if it's a habit or addiction

You can be alcohol dependent without being an alcoholic.
It also depends on how much you are drinking.

If he thinks you are, he’s noticed something. He hasn’t just said it for fun.

Based on your OP it sounds like an alcohol problem

People don't start or continue to use substances (alcohol is a substance like all other drugs) because they don't like the feeling. They use because they like the feeling that the substance gives them and then become psychologically and physically dependant on it.

Keep a true and honest diary of what you're drinking, don't downplay it, and see what you're truly drinking. Note also how you feel before and after and what is happening to make you feel as though you need it to relax.

Then try not to drink on another day apart from a Sunday and note down how you feel as you go through the day. This will help you and if you decide to go somewhere for support, help the person you talk to help you.

Alcohol has different effects on women than it does on men, also effects are different through your monthly cycle so there's a lot going on that people don't even realise.

Take care of yourself

What’s the difference between alcohol-dependent and alcoholic, in your opinion?

I don't think drinking every day is normal. I'm the other extreme as I rarely drink, but I would think one or two at the weekend is more normal.

No judgement but it sounds like might be emotional addiction. The physical addiction comes later. The nice feeling you drink for the time gets shorter and shorter then you have to drink more to get the feeling. Then your brain and body get used to the alcohol so wants more. Its hard to admit and even harder to stop. Other people can see it but you can't. I wasted many years to it. I was functioning and thought no one could see it but they could. It was my best friend that became my worst enemy. By stopping (which was really hard) I had to confront the reasons why ( even harder) but I'm so grateful I managed to stop. Becoming an alcoholic doesn't start overnight it takes time. It's a socially acceptable addiction so it makes it even harder.

As gently as possible OP, I don't know for sure if you're an alcoholic but you are definitely on the pathway. Drinking every day to the point your husband is concerned is definitely a red flag. See if you can reduce to maybe just Friday or Saturday night, if you feel you "need" it to relax you are on the verge of it becoming an addiction if not addicted already. And if thats not possible for you maybe you should consider getting some medical intervention.

I say this as someone who grew up with an alcoholic father, he didn't become a full on alcoholic until his late 40s early 50s (and by late 50s he needed to drink in the morning, he used to say alcohols a disinfectant and cleans your teeth...) so don't be under the delusion that if you've made it to 30 without having a problem with alcohol you never will.

I know right!
If a wife was to express concern for her husband’s drinking habits and the effect they were having on the family or the relationship nobody would dream of saying it was a her problem!

I think the words 'crave' and 'every day' are a bit concerning. How many units a week is that? People get more tolerant to alcohol if they drink a lot so the fact that you don't get fall-down drunk doesn't mean that you're not drinking too much. Just be honest with yourself first and see if he has reasonable grounds for his point of view.

Drinking every day isn’t good

you say you don’t wake up /crave it

can you not have a drink for a week /month easily ?

Local alcohol services do not need a GP referral. You can self refer. In fact they prefer that as it shows a degree of motivation. Just Google your local nhs trust + alcohol services and you'll get the details.

Pretty sure that a glass of wine with a meal is standard in Italy or Spain. It’s the size of glass and how many and whether you’re drinking is outside of that context. So drinking every day is not the issue in itself. One small glass of wine a day is 14 units which is the recommended limit.

I suggest you download the DrinkControl app and log exactly what you are having to drink each day. The first step here is recognising that drinking alcohol every day is unhealthy. You need to see exactly how much you are drinking, units-wise. Your husband is concerned because you aren’t drinking for an occasion, you’re drinking as a routine / habit every day. That's problematic drinking, even if you currently feel healthy.

Very true. My blood pressure was on the high side when I drank. I stopped drinking and my blood pressure is normal. Strangely enough, when my blood pressure was raised, neither my GP not the practice nurse suggested that alcohol could be to blame, even though I told them I drank.