Son and detention

[QuaintJadeFox]

Wondered if I can get some perspective please. My son started secondary school on Thursday in year 7.

After his first day he came home saying he’d had a good day, but in the evening when I noticed I had an email saying he had a detention for the next night (Friday) after school for 45 minutes. I was shocked given it was his first day and asked him what had happened. He said that when he went to into his last lesson of the day, which was directly after lunch, as he was walking into the lesson his teacher said ‘you need to tuck your shirt in, that’ll be a detention next time’. He apologised and tucked his shirt in.

He is adamant that this is exactly what happened and the detention is logged as ‘uniform’, as posed to ‘behaviour’, so I’m pretty sure there was nothing else to it.

I sent the school an email on the Thursday evening asking for clarification and told my son to speak to his form teacher the next day. However he didn’t speak to the form teacher (his form teacher didn’t mention it to him either), as he felt too shy and embarrassed and as he had no idea where the detention was and left school on Friday without attending the detention! I then had an email saying that on Monday he had a 90 minute detention on Monday, but no reply to my original email.

I completely appreciate he shouldn’t have walked out on Friday without going to the detention and should have spoken to his form teacher, but he is only 11 and feeling a bit vulnerable at a new school.

Can I get some ideas about how I should handle this please. Thank you…

I'm usually very much on the side of schools and hate it when parents try and challenge detentions but in this instance I think you should go and speak, politely, to his head of year asking for clarification and pointedly ask why your email was ignored.

Bloody hell, that’s shitty on the first day.

Can you call to clarify on Monday morning. Also, not great they didn’t reply to your email.

I worked in a very strict secondary but god, even we wouldn’t have doled out detentions for uniform in the first week for year 7s.

So I think you need to decide of you're handling it or not. You sent an email, you really ought to have phoned because you needed to know ahead of Friday pm.

If, on the other hand, you think the matter is between him and the school, it really was on him to talk to the tutor and he didn't.

So what approach you take really depends on whether you are taking and active role in resolving it I.e. you think there was a genuine miscommunication or whether you're taking a hands off approach because you consider it a matter between him and the school.

Perhaps in this instance, phone the school on Monday and try to iron it out constructively.

I would definitely ring and try to speak to the staff member who issued the detention for clarification. To receive a detention on day one in school seems pretty heavy handed and unnecessary.

I totally agree.
I’m normally the ‘tough, you should have done as you were told’ but this seems particularly unfair, especially as it was his first couple of days at a new (and probably scary) school.

I think the school has been fair, even though handing out a detention on the first day might seem harsh, it's how they will set the expectations for the year.
You need to make sure your son understands that he must speak to the form teacher when directed to, and to attend his detention for goodness sake!
You can't go running in to secondary school to argue about this, it's a natural consequence of not attending the detention.
Busy teachers don't have time to make sure individual students know where they are going, they will expect them to ask if they need to. You soon needs to learn to speak up. Form teachers are human, and -mostly- care about the kids but they aren't mind readers.

Ask for a meeting with the form tutor. Phone the school for this instead of emailing because phone calls and speaking directly are more difficult to ignore than an email, which could be put on a back burner.

Ask for their perspective on this and that of the other teacher involved. Never assume you have all sides of the argument. Point out too that the issue wasn't ignored from your perspective, but you received no response to your email and your son was very scared to go and ask the necessary questions himself. After all, he is still only just out of primary school.

Personally, I think that for a new starter on their first day that's a bit harsh and should just have been a warning, unless there is more that you/we haven't been told, which is always possible.

Agree with above posters. I think you are being reasonable here. We always show great leniency with uniform, equipment, lateness etc with our Year 7s for the first few weeks as they are finding their feet and getting used to things! We wouldn’t even give a detention for an untucked shirt in the first instance anyway. We would just ask a student to tuck it in or give them a minor diary signing and if they outright refused or gave us a mouthful of abuse or something, only then would it be a detention.

Just send a polite email to the school asking for clarification. I can guarantee the detention will most probably be removed. This is something that is reasonable.

I’m a secondary teacher and that is harsh on a Y7 first day! However, sometimes the systems automatically generate a detention, so if the teacher logged it on the system, it may well have done this. However, you need to get a response from someone, either the tutor, teacher or Leader of Year.
Start of term, new intake means LOADS of emails. Most are mundane… ‘Jimmy lost his pencil’, ‘Alice doesn’t like the Maths teacher’.. yours is doubtless in this pile that takes staff a while to get through!
I would print off your email and get DS to hand it in to his tutor on Monday - write on it too that you need contact from somebody to clarify this before he sits a detention. Or forward your original email on to his teacher, tutor… whoever you didn’t email previously.
This doesn’t need to be a big deal and can be an easy fix but start of term is always crazy!

As a teacher I am shocked that another teacher would issue a detention on the first day for a y7 with an untucked shirt.

What I really hope has happened is a clerical error where she has meant to select "warning " on the system but has accidentally hit "detention", this does happen and I've even issued sanctions to the wrong Joe Bloggs accidentally when there are 2 just through sheer time pressure and rushing.

Usually I would completely agree with you, but this was the very first day of a new school. Obviously going forward he needs to speak up, but I think given this was the first day, he felt unsure of the situation and a bit confused about who to speak to etc.

I’d feel the same if it was one of my children. I was a welfare officer in a school and it is really tough for a lot of them when they start, I used to have a lot of overwhelmed and upset year 7s come to my office for a chat the first half term.

Yes I completely agree with this and will follow this. Of course there may be more to it and I’ll stay open to that! Thank you

The school are out of order, and i say that as someone who works in a secondary school. They need to give new Year 7s a chance! We give the first week a soft start. Any choices that would usually incur a consequence are a conversation and logged so we can see the bigger picture, contact home to flag but that is it. I think it is really unkind on the first week to put those level of consequences in straight away. Call the school, follow up with an email saying you called, ask for a conversation and that your son is unable to go to the detention until this conversation has taken place.
I agree with high expectations, but everyone makes a little mistake when they start a new job!

This is surely the school wanting to show thé newcomers that they're strict. I think it's crazy. First week should be just about reminders for small stuff. Jesus, they're 11- let them settle in!!

This type of teacher behaviour turns children against teachers.

I’m a Secondary school teacher and I was all set to roll my eyes at a parent complaining about a detention but I’m amazed that a school was handing out detentions to Year 7s on the first day of term! Apart from anything else, if your son is telling the truth, the teacher said it would be a detention ‘next time’ and he says he tucked his shirt in when asked. So why the detention?

It is possible your son is not being entirely truthful but it still sounds heavy-handed on day 1, when Year 7s are feeling vulnerable and daunted.

I suggest you email his HOY over the weekend and ask them to clarify the situation.

Schools set the standards for uniform right at the start. He knew the rules I presume.

He failed to attend detention so it has escalated. So now it's a behaviour detention for defiance.

Tell him to go the detention and comply with the rules even if they are stupid

I’m sorry but I don’t think an hour and a half detention for not having a shirt tucked in is appropriate and as other posters have suggested, I’m going to say that until I have had a phone call to clarify the situation I don’t agree with him attending. Really think his tutor should have addressed it with him, as my son had no idea what he should do or where he should go and nobody had actually told him that he had a detention to begin with even. I just need to get to the bottom of it with a teacher, so hopefully someone will get back to me on Monday asap!!!

I'm a teacher and would never do this on a first day to a year 7. It may have been a mistake. You need to make a phone call first thing on Monday to get this sorted. Sorry he has had a negative start to the year

This is a good way to teach children that rules are arbitrary and teachers are petty tyrants. Not the message you want to send on the first day, especially if you want to have their parent’s support should a more serious issue arise later.

They would definitely have had an assembly or extended tutor time explaining the rules. He flouted them, then didn't turn up to the detention so now has another longer one ... He needs to learn there will be a lot of rules you and he won't agree with but you sign up to the rules when you decided on that school

Secondary teacher here. As others have said, that's an exceptionally harsh and unusual response to an untucked shirt. I'd email the head of year / head of behaviour. It's a pastoral rather than academic concern. Explain clearly that while you respect the school rules, your son will not be going to the detention until you understand the circumstances.

A lot of state schools are extremely strict in the beginning to set expectations. You’ll both have to accept it I think and your son will know what do next time. It’s frustrating I know - detention was given to my ds for having a shirt button undone in the first week a few years ago, and they were not allowed to take their blazers off in the classroom when it was hot until they were given permission.

They are doing it for a reason and complaining won’t change anything.

An hour and a half detention for not tucking your shirt in makes some kids think “fuck it, if I’m going to get a detention for something that stupid, I might as well do something worse.”

Lots of people think that way (I certainly did at secondary). The school I worked in kicked itself in the foot with stupid rules leading to long detentions.