Son and detention

[QuaintJadeFox]

Wondered if I can get some perspective please. My son started secondary school on Thursday in year 7.

After his first day he came home saying he’d had a good day, but in the evening when I noticed I had an email saying he had a detention for the next night (Friday) after school for 45 minutes. I was shocked given it was his first day and asked him what had happened. He said that when he went to into his last lesson of the day, which was directly after lunch, as he was walking into the lesson his teacher said ‘you need to tuck your shirt in, that’ll be a detention next time’. He apologised and tucked his shirt in.

He is adamant that this is exactly what happened and the detention is logged as ‘uniform’, as posed to ‘behaviour’, so I’m pretty sure there was nothing else to it.

I sent the school an email on the Thursday evening asking for clarification and told my son to speak to his form teacher the next day. However he didn’t speak to the form teacher (his form teacher didn’t mention it to him either), as he felt too shy and embarrassed and as he had no idea where the detention was and left school on Friday without attending the detention! I then had an email saying that on Monday he had a 90 minute detention on Monday, but no reply to my original email.

I completely appreciate he shouldn’t have walked out on Friday without going to the detention and should have spoken to his form teacher, but he is only 11 and feeling a bit vulnerable at a new school.

Can I get some ideas about how I should handle this please. Thank you…

I despair when this line is trotted out.

In many cases, the school is not chosen but forced by catchment, or at least within catchment there is nothing with different policies to “choose” from.

Sorry I haven't had time to read the full thread but I am a year 7 form tutor with nearly 20 years of experience and I would recommend you email the form tutor yourself if you can. I would really want to know this had happened to one of my "ducklings" and as I said to my new brood this week - I can only sort it out if I know about it!

I really hope this hasn't spoilt his first week at secondary school. Certainly in our school this would only have happened by mistake and we have a really really strict uniform policy.

no this is way way too harsh for a year 7 kid on the first day.

No school whose "values" include abusing 11-year-olds should be allowed to stay open and anyone who defends this sort of thing should be on a police watchlist.

i think you should call the school and ask to speak to the form tutor or a lot of schools now have a member of support staff doing pastoral support- they would handle this kind of thing. I work in a secondary and the volume of emails that are received during the first two weeks of the year is huge- it could have been missed or sent onto the head of year who will also be inundated, particularly the head of year 7. A lot of school systems have automatic upscales of sanctions so that’s probably why he now has the 90 minute one. I would imagine that when you speak to someone the detention will just be removed!

Teachers are human and the detention may we have have been put on in error. Hope you get it sorted!

What if you can't get into those schools because they're all oversubscribed? The 5 nearest schools to us are either religious intake or the same overly strict academy.

I think it's a mistake as the teacher said next time it'll be a detention. Unless he pulled his shirt out again? My kids school didn't give detentions in the first fortnight unless for something extreme as the first fortnight is an emotional time for them.

Sometimes there are mistakes made on the system

Ridiculous treatment of a Y7 on his first day, for a mere untucked shirt. Heads and SLT members who create systems which don't even allow a second chance for brand-new, nervous Y7s frankly should not be in teaching. I am all for stringent consequences for genuine bad behaviour, but this is absurd.

I teach in a secondary school btw. We are very nice to our new Y7s and wouldn't even issue a behaviour point on thr first day, never mind a detention. A few of them are still overwhelmed and a bit tearful though!

At my kids’ school I have had similar type issues resolved by emailing form tutor and head of year (and detention tutor who is listed on the staff list on the website but that may not be common for other schools). Explain situation in a balanced way and it would be reasonable to ask that tutor explains the system, where to go etc and that he sit the original rather than extended for missing it detention.
send it over the weekend so form tutor will see it Monday morning and it up to speed when DS talks to them on Monday morning
It is unfair though.

I’m all for supporting the school but on his first day! That doesn’t sound right at all!

I’m all for supporting the school but on his first day! That doesn’t sound right at all!

They have 2 weeks grace at our local high school, even normally a first uniform sanction would be a strike not a detention. First detentions are 20 minutes, if they miss it they get a second detention of 40 minutes and if they miss that it's an internal exclusion. The only time the school nixed the grace period was for my eldest's year, because so many of them were being 💩s!

There are definitely mistakes made on the system sometimes. Dd got a merit when she wasn't in the lesson.

Surely, it’s like a parking fine. While you contest it, the fine is put on hold while they investigate, and then when it’s decided 3 months later, you get the option again for ‘half price early payment.’

The child was told detention next time, this was queried, therefore, when the enquiry is complete, you go back to stage 1.

What an absolute jobsworth. Talk about making the wrong kind of core memories for a child’s first day of secondary.

Argh, schools and their stupid rules! And they are stupid. In which office do you do 45 minutes overtime because your shirt came untucked? (Normally, schools reckon they’re preparing children for the real world!) No office. If you were about to head into a meeting, someone would kindly point it out. If you kept turning up as a scruff bucket, they’d have a quiet word.

my response to the ‘preparing them for the next stage of life BS’ is ‘did you set an alarm to go off everyone 30-60 minutes throughout the night for 5 years to practise for when you had a baby? Did you heck; you just got on with it when it was time!

Former secondary teacher, who used to tell my classes on the first day not to interrupt me to ask to take their blazer off, just make sure it’s back on when you leave. (I credit my children with enough intelligence to know if they’re hot or perhaps if it’s just uncomfortable to be in a blazer. )

I’m sorry your son is on the receiving end of a complete lack of empathy and kindness. Because we all know that fear and strict discipline makes everyone happy and happy children learn best…… eye roll

To be fair, most schools have similar rules. Many have good reason, many also do not. I'd rather on the whole have the lesson of notjust following a rule because you're told to assomething valuable across life. I say this because you're values etc should matter (in some situations) where you're told to do something you don't agree with. Or for me in secondary I'd challenge rules which were actually harmful or showed ignorance among staff of which there were many, some of the rules around hate speech and bullying and hair, I did (very respectfully but also assertively) campaign and got changed in my school and in some other schools in the trust. I used data and I challenged things openly. I'd rather have that then the idea of just because an authority says x you must. I remember in 6th form, I was like A-levels are so hard but I'd rather being doing this than be in Y7, and have to jump when a teachers wants you to (one of my teachers h ad done that with her Y7s earlier and we were joking about it). It's an insignificant example, but definitely translates to bigger issues.

In fact I think many staff were actually impressed by what I managed to change andhow I successfully challenged and refused some rules. Does a school to a certain extentneed conformity yes, but not to the extent of removing individuality and also the idea that you're students may know more than you or have better ideas. One motto I loved was thatto believe that others with their ideas can also be right". Which to me can include students.

And as other have said all the just do it because it's a rule, is the bedrock of the hidden curriculum linking to capitalism and ideas of not ever challenging authority and being a good worker who never says no. Sometimes rules should be followed and sometimes not.

My son's school tried to put him in internal isolation last year for missing a ten minute lunchtime detention. He missed the detention because he was on a school trip which he only found out about at short notice. (Sports tournament, yes they are disorganised but he was marked on the register as at an off site school event for the whole day.) So I rang the school and emailed everyone relevant. Sometimes systems break down or mistakes are made. The right thing to do here is to fix the problem and then discuss what the best action would be next time.

I would call the school. Totally ridiculous handing out detention for new starts.

Detentions suck. My kid didn’t attend a detention. We had an email saying he failed to attend and would have 90 minute detention.

emailed in to office and form tutor and head of year saying nobody told him he had a detention. He was in tutor and registered as we didn’t get a late email or not present.

I asked if he could serve the original detention. Turns out it was allocated to the wrong kid. Huge GDPR fail!

what a rubbish way to start the year.

also the kids that mess about and disrupt lessons don’t attend the detentions anyway

This seems really harsh definitely go to the school and don’t go to the detention. The only thing it could be is that the teacher is new also and maybe doesn’t understand the system. My daughter had this one and it should have been logged as a warning but the teacher put it through as detention. She was year 8 so felt confident enough to go to her tutor. But understandably new year 7 would be too shy

Oh please

Give over

What a load of crap.

This is all totally unreasonable and sounds like a load of power hungry knobs. This really isn’t necessary.

It’s totally understanable for 11 year olds to feel uneasy or shy at their first days in new settings, just as some adults do.

And yes absolutely it is the responsibility of teachers to help the kids in their first few days and if a detention is happening, they should know to ensure the pupil knows where they are going on their second day rather than setting them up to fail.

If teachers are too busy to deal with it, it’s because the school is taking up time implementing stupid rules.

Also op definitely take issue with them not replying to your email. I know people are saying you should have called, bur realistically i think many of the teachers would be in a lesson when you call and it is fine to email and expect a reply or a call back. If they can’t reply about these things promptly then detentions need to be arranged later than 1 day in advance.

Year 6 teacher here and I hope to god it’s a mistake. Call on Monday and once they’ve confirmed either way, insist that someone goes to find him and clarifies it - either to apologise and say it was a mistake or to explain that he does have a detention, what that means and where to go. And if he does have detention I’d want them to reassure him that it’s not the end of the world.
If it does turn out that this is how they welcome new students, I would keep an open mind about continuing in that school (if you live somewhere with other options that is).

As a secondary school teacher and Y7 form tutor this year, I totally agree that this should not be a detention on the first week.

Those who are saying he 'flouted the rules' are out of touch with how overwhelming the transition to secondary school is for students. In reality unless this is an incredibly rough school, teachers are not this out of touch.

OP, I would bear in mind that the emails you're getting are automated. In reality there could be no intention on the school's part that the detention even runs yet. This could be why he doesn't know where it is, for example.

I would recommend contacting the form tutor, highlighting that you are in full support of the school and the rules and understand why they are in place, but just going through the issues and lack of information on this occasion.
Namely

1: did he know about the rule before he got the detention?

2.He says (bear in mind there is often a gap between what happens and what students tell their parents) the teacher said the detention would be next time

3.He didn't know where the detention was and was too nervous to ask (form tutor needs to speak with him 1:1 and build trust here)

4.You contacted the school proactively but no-one got back to you - ask what the best channel is to get a quicker response if anything like this comes up again

5.I wouldn't recommend being emotive or using too many adjectives - this can get you started on the wrong foot in terms of building a good relationship with the school- I would however say that your child has been worried about this and that his intentions were good and you would appreciate support to smooth his over for him to make the best start possible

@QuaintJadeFox