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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Son and detention

120 replies

QuaintJadeFox · 06/09/2025 10:11

Wondered if I can get some perspective please. My son started secondary school on Thursday in year 7.

After his first day he came home saying he’d had a good day, but in the evening when I noticed I had an email saying he had a detention for the next night (Friday) after school for 45 minutes. I was shocked given it was his first day and asked him what had happened. He said that when he went to into his last lesson of the day, which was directly after lunch, as he was walking into the lesson his teacher said ‘you need to tuck your shirt in, that’ll be a detention next time’. He apologised and tucked his shirt in.

He is adamant that this is exactly what happened and the detention is logged as ‘uniform’, as posed to ‘behaviour’, so I’m pretty sure there was nothing else to it.

I sent the school an email on the Thursday evening asking for clarification and told my son to speak to his form teacher the next day. However he didn’t speak to the form teacher (his form teacher didn’t mention it to him either), as he felt too shy and embarrassed and as he had no idea where the detention was and left school on Friday without attending the detention! I then had an email saying that on Monday he had a 90 minute detention on Monday, but no reply to my original email.

I completely appreciate he shouldn’t have walked out on Friday without going to the detention and should have spoken to his form teacher, but he is only 11 and feeling a bit vulnerable at a new school.

Can I get some ideas about how I should handle this please. Thank you…

OP posts:

LauraTheReader25 · 08/09/2025 07:25

First day at school and he gets a detention for uniform? Thats extremely harsh and really uncalled for. I'd ring and speak to his head of year and that doesn't clarify it, I'd ask to speak to the deputy head. He apologised for the uniform being untucked and say he won't be attending that detention as there's no need and really harsh.

That sounds like the teacher from hell that you'll never forget about. We all have those. But then again I had one between years 7 and 9 we were terrified of but in year 10 and 11 turned into my favourite teacher and subject.

Original poster

QuaintJadeFox · 08/09/2025 12:08

Just a little update. The teacher who issued the detention called me this morning and it all happened as my son said. He was apologetic when told and she said he was engaged in the lesson after that.

She Just told me it was a very strict policy. I said that I wasn’t happy with him attending an hour and a half detention and that I would like it escalated to somebody who could remove it so I am waiting for a call back!

What a lot of nonsense for an untucked shirt! Caused no end of stress!

OP posts:

Gerardormikey · 08/09/2025 12:12

QuaintJadeFox · 08/09/2025 12:08

Just a little update. The teacher who issued the detention called me this morning and it all happened as my son said. He was apologetic when told and she said he was engaged in the lesson after that.

What a lot of nonsense for an untucked shirt! Caused no end of stress!

That’s absolutely crazy. She could have just told him to tuck it in without issuing a detention.

Fountofwisdom · 08/09/2025 12:21

QuaintJadeFox · 08/09/2025 12:08

Just a little update. The teacher who issued the detention called me this morning and it all happened as my son said. He was apologetic when told and she said he was engaged in the lesson after that.

What a lot of nonsense for an untucked shirt! Caused no end of stress!

Sounds like a very inexperienced teacher to me. As a teacher of 20+ years, I would expect a sensible teacher to show a bit of discretion on day 1 of Year 7, for a minor uniform infraction. Especially as she has acknowledged your son complied immediately and engaged with the lesson thereafter. I’m a strict teacher but it really annoys me when teachers don’t show a bit of common sense.

icecreamisforwintertoo · 08/09/2025 12:58

Wow as a parent of someone who has just started Y7 this makes me so mad! All the headlines in the news about school attendance, anxiety in teens, lack of support for SEN children. Stuff like this doesn't help!!
my daughter is very well behaved but is terrified of making a mistake, getting lost, losing things etc. She’s finding secondary school transition hard work and daunting and still developing the executive functioning skills to be able to organise her uniform, books, stationery, homework (which means I am doing much of this for her as I don’t want her to be getting daily detentions! Although at some point she’ll need to learn natural consequences. Luckily her school seems fairly relaxed in the first couple of weeks however. Hope this doesn’t put your son off too much!

nosleepforme · 08/09/2025 15:40

Idiotic teacher. They admit it was a nothing but still felt a need to cause a this fuss. Not a good teacher

Original poster

QuaintJadeFox · 08/09/2025 16:43

It’s been cancelled thankfully! Thank you everyone! Hopefully he can put this behind him and start enjoying school now! X

OP posts:

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 08/09/2025 17:48

That's great news OP, I'm delighted to be proved wrong 😁

sleepwouldbenice · 08/09/2025 17:53

Although I agree it was an over reaction the recent length of the detention was because he didn't attend. He really does need to know this can't be a habit either

Mummyof32023 · 08/09/2025 17:55

QuaintJadeFox · 08/09/2025 16:43

It’s been cancelled thankfully! Thank you everyone! Hopefully he can put this behind him and start enjoying school now! X

Thats fab news. I can't remember school being this strict over uniform when I attended school.

Princesspollyyy · 08/09/2025 18:47

How silly of the school. Hope they feel as ridiculous as they sound.

Jeska7 · 08/09/2025 19:51

I’m pleased for you and your son. What an awful start to secondary school for him. Completely unavoidable and very short sighted. As others have said, yes teachers need to make sure rules are followed but they need to make new students feel welcome, ease anxiety and show some common sense. None of this has happened.

I certainly think you should write to the Head / School Governors and formally complain.

sophiasnail · 08/09/2025 20:35

Thank you for the update OP. I actually told my year 7 form about your story this morning and highlighted to them what to do if they are worried about anything.

Original poster

QuaintJadeFox · 08/09/2025 21:39

sophiasnail · 08/09/2025 20:35

Thank you for the update OP. I actually told my year 7 form about your story this morning and highlighted to them what to do if they are worried about anything.

Ahh that’s really lovely! Pleased some good came out of it!

The teacher in question actually wrote me a lovely email to say how great he has been in both of her lessons to date, so that made me like her a bit more!

so all’s well that ends well. Thanks for all the lovely comments and they gave me the confidence to push it!

OP posts:

nosleepforme · 08/09/2025 21:49

Seems like that’s a good way to fix things and make amends. Good on the teacher for emailing you so try to “reset” the relationship. Quite impressed actually

sleepwouldbenice · 08/09/2025 22:53

Jeska7 · 08/09/2025 19:51

I certainly think you should write to the Head / School Governors and formally complain.

God no

SweetnsourNZ · 09/09/2025 09:25

QuaintJadeFox · 06/09/2025 13:31

I’m sorry but I don’t think an hour and a half detention for not having a shirt tucked in is appropriate and as other posters have suggested, I’m going to say that until I have had a phone call to clarify the situation I don’t agree with him attending. Really think his tutor should have addressed it with him, as my son had no idea what he should do or where he should go and nobody had actually told him that he had a detention to begin with even. I just need to get to the bottom of it with a teacher, so hopefully someone will get back to me on Monday asap!!!

Show quote history

Makes you wonder what they would do for anything slightly worse. Wonder if the teacher is also new and a bit overwhelmed as well. Could be why the warning was logged in as a detention.

SweetnsourNZ · 09/09/2025 09:29

An eleven year old being given a detention for an untucked shirt is ridiculous imo. We were told to pull socks up etc at school in the 1970s but you wouldn't get detention unless you answered back or something. No wonder school anxiety/refusal is getting so common.

ByCyanMoose · 10/09/2025 00:26

SweetnsourNZ · 09/09/2025 09:25

Makes you wonder what they would do for anything slightly worse. Wonder if the teacher is also new and a bit overwhelmed as well. Could be why the warning was logged in as a detention.

Show quote history

She called, and the detention was canceled and that was the end of it. So both the new student and the teacher were treated with compassion and understanding.

SweetnsourNZ · 10/09/2025 07:20

ByCyanMoose · 10/09/2025 00:26

She called, and the detention was canceled and that was the end of it. So both the new student and the teacher were treated with compassion and understanding.

Show quote history

So glad it ended well. Hope your son has a great year from now on.

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