Son and detention

[QuaintJadeFox]

Wondered if I can get some perspective please. My son started secondary school on Thursday in year 7.

After his first day he came home saying he’d had a good day, but in the evening when I noticed I had an email saying he had a detention for the next night (Friday) after school for 45 minutes. I was shocked given it was his first day and asked him what had happened. He said that when he went to into his last lesson of the day, which was directly after lunch, as he was walking into the lesson his teacher said ‘you need to tuck your shirt in, that’ll be a detention next time’. He apologised and tucked his shirt in.

He is adamant that this is exactly what happened and the detention is logged as ‘uniform’, as posed to ‘behaviour’, so I’m pretty sure there was nothing else to it.

I sent the school an email on the Thursday evening asking for clarification and told my son to speak to his form teacher the next day. However he didn’t speak to the form teacher (his form teacher didn’t mention it to him either), as he felt too shy and embarrassed and as he had no idea where the detention was and left school on Friday without attending the detention! I then had an email saying that on Monday he had a 90 minute detention on Monday, but no reply to my original email.

I completely appreciate he shouldn’t have walked out on Friday without going to the detention and should have spoken to his form teacher, but he is only 11 and feeling a bit vulnerable at a new school.

Can I get some ideas about how I should handle this please. Thank you…

That's bollocks

The teacher should be saying "I've warned you about your uniform (or whatever infraction) so now you have detention on Friday in Room 3B, Stafford Block. An email will go home too"

It'd be like your busy boss telling you "we have a meeting" but not telling you where and then being annoyed because they didn't provided all the info

Teach him to be a good little worker drone...

Didn't say I agree with it. But then that's school rules. Suck them up or face the detention

Not necessarily.

School staff need to use common sense when applying "rules," especially for Year 7s who in their first week, so are new to the school, learning the ropes and possibly still a bit nervous and intimidated at a new school. They are in a settling in period. They will settle down.

If a rule is ridiculous or appears to have been applied unfairly and with no common sense, check it out and challenge it!

Which is teaching him to be a good little worker drone and never question anything

Imagine giving a detention to an 11 year old for not having his shirt tucked in on his first day!

Absolutely not. I made it clear to the school that my boys would not attend after school detentions and could only attend lunch detentions once they had eaten their lunch.

Did you know the school was like this?
Ridiculous- any other schools he could go to instead if it continues like this?

Uniform is a huge thing at Secondary, if uniform is in place behaviour follows suit, so schools hugely imply on uniform esp in Yr 7. Also to note Ofsted now place a large emphasis on uniform so schools are sitting up and taking notice.

However first week a warning would do well, too harsh works for some and alienates others. Teachers often check at the door, be prepared maybe this happened and student refused or ignored. Do check their online behaviour system daily and encourage your child to.

I would email the school again - directly to the form tutor and the head of year. Seems ridiculously harsh punishment!

I am a secondary school teacher, and I’d never set a year 7 child a detention on their first day-or indeed a detention for not having a shirt tucked in at all! Very heavy-handed.

It’s not up to you to dictate to a school. You should find a school that aligns with your values on sanctions.

Call the school on Monday. Have they allocated a teacher to support the transition from primary to secondary school? My year 7 child has a member of staff to support the transition, a head of year teacher and another teacher that manages behaviour. I know from my older child that the form teacher reminds pupils, in the morning, if they’re on the detention list. He was probably embarrassed to speak up in front of new classmates. What a shame they were so harsh on his 1st day.

Should we really be expecting children to blindly follow ridiculous rules when actually in the reality, it the treating people as you want to be treated, respecting staff and other students should be the priority not what colour your socks or hair are or whether your skirt is X length.

Please don’t email the school, or his form teacher or the head or ask for a meeting. Your son has to learn to handle these things himself and speak to his form teacher. Being new into school doesn't make him vulnerable and this isn’t primary school.

He will most certainly have had settling in days and met his form teacher before. He then had another opportunity to speak to the form teacher or any teacher about it.

I know it sounds harsh but it’s a good lesson in figuring by things out himself, speaking up and speaking to his teacher. He may not deserve the detention but he needs to speak to his teacher. Please don’t helicopter this situation - Hes in senior school now and this is what is expected.

The 90 minute is an automatic if the first detention is missed. That’s just the rule but can also be overturned.

It almost lends itself to only being told half the story?

Strict rules without room for discretion or good judgment are a recipe for a breakdown in the relationship between students/parents and the school. I think we’ve heard from enough teachers in this thread to say that the school is being unusually rigid, and that this is a very questionable fight for the school to pick on an 11 year old’s first day at secondary.

This

Just adding my voice - I'm a secondary teacher of many years and I would never, ever do this. Wouldn't dream of it. Gentle reminders and reassurance is the name of the game for the first couple if weeks, it is a HUGE transition for them and despite how smoothly it all appears to be going, they are ALL scared of getting something wrong.
Shame on that teacher if that is exactly what happened - no wonder we have a bad reputation.
Re speaking to form tutor - many pupils are scared to 'speak up' especially to someone they hardly know. My daughter is in Year 11, an otherwise very confident girl and in fact, head girl, and when I say why don't you speak to the teacher about whatever, she says it's embarrassing/awkward.

I wonder if the dentention has been logged against your son, but it's actually another student with the same or similar. I've done that, and you can't delete them. I did however, clock what I'd done, and the form tutor of the innocent party asked what the child had done. Quick phone call home to apolgise that I'd clicked Freddie Smith instead of Fred Smith sorted it.

That's vicious to do that to a child on his first day at secondary school. I really hope it's just an admin error.

I'm so glad that when I was at school in the 80s/90s we didn't get subjected to this BS.

.

My DD has just started secondary school and they have a 2 week period where children are informed if they’ve done something that would usually result in a ‘consequence,’ but none are issued for the first 2 weeks of Year 7.
Your school seems particularly harsh to me and I’d be surprised and upset for my child if this was me.
Is the school known for being particularly strict?

Me too. Poor kid. I'm a teacher and am shocked by this. It's his first week for goodness sake. No wonder we have so many children with anxiety over school 🤦🏼‍♀️ I mean, he should have his shirt tucked in, but a warning is fine in the first week. Sorry this has happened OP.

I’d go in and threaten legal action myself. Seriously!

I think detentions are absolutely ridiculous for anything that isn’t related to serious behaviour issues.

I remember my friend at school getting a detention for forgetting her pencil in Physics class at the start of the year. She was absolutely distraught.